


You Don't Think I'm That Young (But I Am)

by chocolatechimkookie



Category: IZONE (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Produce X 101 (TV), UP10TION, VICTON (Band), X1 (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Idols, And MYTEEN, And UP10TION, And VICTON, CEO | Lee Jinhyuk, F/F, F/M, Father and Son Jinhyuk and Jinwoo, Idol Trainee | Kim Wooseok, Inspired by the Boyness performance, Instant Attraction, Jaded Jinhyuk, Let's all support X1, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Smol Kim Wooseok, Sugarbaby | Kim Wooseok, Sugardaddy | Lee Jinhyuk, Tall Lee Jinhyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-07-19 11:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatechimkookie/pseuds/chocolatechimkookie
Summary: Lee Jinhyuk has hit a stalemate at the ripe age of twenty nine. He's rich, handsome, the CEO of one of Korea's biggest entertainment companies; some would say he has it all.He has no idea just how much he's missing until he sees a very handsome, very young Kim Wooseok in a club one night, trying to find himself after failing to in university.Perhaps Wooseok is just the inspiration he needs.(aka the sugar daddy Jinseok/Weishin AU you never knew you wanted until now)





	1. I Fell for Your Boyness

**_Global Idols Candy Boyz Sweet No More_ **

_On Friday, 19th of July, globally known idol boy group Candy Boyz were caught by local police at a club that has since been exposed to be involved in sex and drug schemes, with maknae Soomin (stagename Cola) discovered to be a prime investor of the establishment…_

Jinhyuk sees _red_. He’s about 0.5 seconds away from launching his brand new tablet across the room at the wall where the beautifully framed poster of his most successful boy group hangs. It’s always the cute, innocent looking ones isn’t it, the ones that you least expect. Taking a deep breath, Jinhyuk gently sets his tablet down on his fancy glass table before he can do something reckless, like _smash_ his tablet down on his fancy glass table.

This is what he gets for leaving casting and training all to his staff rather than overseeing it himself, absolute _fools_. It had been his own meticulous nature that had grown his company to the success it enjoys today, handpicking all of his trainees and trainers and producers personally rather than entrusting the task to anyone else.

And the _one_ time he chooses to let down his guard and allow for his casting managers to take a more hands on role _this_ happens.

 _FUCK_!

He reaches for the phone on his desk and punches in the number for his secretary’s desk. “Minju,” he forces his temper down and keeps his voice level, there’s no point shouting at her when she wasn’t the cause for this mess. Yes, he’ll save the shouting for whoever let those boys get so out of hand. “Please call in all the _idiots_ involved in this mess, would you?” 

“Ah,” there’s a tremor in her voice as she replies, “of course, sir, I’ll send them in right away.”

Jinhyuk glances around his room, eyes pausing on the various trophies and awards and general _breakability_ of all of his items. “Actually, tell them to wait for me in dance studio 3, and make it quick, if they’re late I’ll be more pissed off than I already am.”

“Yes sir.”

He slams the phone down and leans back into his very comfy chair, running his fingers through his dyed grey hair and mussing up the carefully gelled style he’d painstakingly put together that morning. What a bloody terrible day…

Thank goodness he’d made the executive decision to pull Jinwoo out of the debut line for being too young, or else he’d be involved in this mess too. His poor son (not his real son, he’s still too young to be a father)…

 _God_ he needs a smoke.

He stuffs his pack of cigarettes into the pocket of his jeans (because he is _still_ young and refuses to wear slacks to the office) and starts to make his way towards the dance studios on the 2nd floor. He takes the stairs rather than the elevator because he feels far too much like a live wire to not punch something if the elevator takes as long as it usually does. He’s cursing everything to do with those stupid Candy Boyz with every step down the stairs he takes; who the heck chose that stupid name to begin with, why are their stage names all snack related that’s stupid, why did they have to look so innocent but be so evil, why why why—

The door to the studio slams hard into the wall with the force that Jinhyuk throws into it, the impact thankfully cushioned by the soundproof padding lining it (yet another of _his_ decisions). Inside the room are the eight boys making up the cursed Candy Boyz as well as the casting director that had been in charge of selecting them, and their three managers, all standing in a straight line facing the door.

“Jinhyuk-hyung…” the worst of the lot, _Soomin_ mumbles, breaking out of the line to approach him with a mournful expression. The maknae with his bubblegum pink hair and his wide, ever so slightly watery eyes would have made any weaker mortals falter, but not Lee Jinhyuk.

He is the top rapper of this generation, his success skyrocketing from the moment he debuted to the day he announced the launch of his own entertainment company, X1 Entertainment. He proved himself quickly amongst the vipers of the business world and earned their respect, he continued to personally produce hit after hit despite having some of the industry’s top songwriters in his team.

He will _not_ let this ruin everything he’s built.

“ _Yah_! Don’t call me Hyung, _Kim Soomin_!” he shouts, finally releasing the anger he’d kept bottled up inside since the news had first reached him last night. Soomin instantly shrinks back, lower lip jutting out in a pout. He hears a fait snicker from down the line of Candy Boyz and his head whips towards the sound, silencing the grinning boy with nothing but a glare. “Don’t think the rest of you aren’t affected by this, you were all caught at that stupid sex club too!”

His fist hits the padded wall (a truly genius decision of his) with a muffled thud, though the effect isn’t dulled in the slightest. Every single person in the room flinches at the sound, his casting director looking particularly shamefaced as he stares down at the floor. “I am beyond disappointed with every single one of you in this room, you have brought down the name of X1 Entertainment after everything this company has done for you.”

“CEO-nim, you just need to make a statement saying it’s a misunderstanding and it’ll all clear up in no time…” Soomin mumbles, dragging his toe along the floor in an attempt to act cute. It only makes his fury burn ever hotter. 

He lets out a barking laugh, at which everyone in the room jumps ever so slightly. “Do you think I’m an idiot, Kim Soomin?” he laughs, “I’m not going to drag my name and the name of this company further through the mud than you all already have.”

Jinhyuk shakes his head, swiping his tongue across his lips to wet them. “No, you all are finished, there is nothing you can do to recover from this scandal, nor do I want to have any of you remaining on my team after you have proven yourself to be like this. You _disappoint_ me.” 

The second youngest member pipes up with an indignant voice. “But CEO-nim! I wasn’t there at the club that night!” he complains, ignoring the betrayed looks from his other members. 

Lack of team loyalty: yet another feature that makes Jinhyuk like them even less than before.

“Your contracts aren’t expired for another year and a half, but you can all be guaranteed that you will never, _ever_ have another comeback with this company again,” Jinhyuk says, shrugging off his anger and slipping back into CEO mode. “I’ll have to discuss with my board members before deciding whether or not to terminate every single one of you.”

This is when the waterworks begin. Almost like flipping a switch, every single member of the Candy Boyz drops to their knees and crawls to his feet, rubbing their palms together to plead with him. He turns to glare one last time at the managers and the casting director, not falling for their antics as easily as they seemed to have.

“Now get out of my dance studio.”

He’s never seen his casting director move his chubby legs so quickly.

The company needs fresh, young blood pumping through its veins, not middle aged men who obviously can’t see past the dollar signs on someone’s face to the character beneath. _Jeez, he’s going to have to find so many new staff now…_

Then again, Jinhyuk is not exactly the freshest daisy in the field either, his twenty-ninth birthday a lot further behind him than he’d like to admit. He looks up at himself in the mirrors lining the back wall of the studio, taking in his own reflection. Though his age is getting up there, he prides himself heavily on not looking it. It’s probably due to his weight (or lack thereof), his lean form sticking with him all the way from his teen years till now.

He’d hit his last growth spurt when he was 23, shooting him up an extra three centimetres to a solid 188cm. He likes his height though, it certainly helps with dealing with prideful old businessmen who refuse to take him seriously because of his age and (past) inexperience. His past lovers had all enjoyed his height too (in more ways than one); after all who’d say no to a man with long legs and a face like his, right?

Jinhyuk groans into his hands and sinks to the floor, wondering exactly how he’s going to worm X1 out of this mess the stupid Gummy Kids had brought down on their heads. The investors are going to go crazy.

“Ah fuck,” he sighs, rubbing at his eyes and ignoring the niggling tension from stress that has his entire back stiff and his skin tingling.

He _really_ needs to get laid.

* * *

“Mr. Kim, I assure you that my PR team has this situation completely under control, and the group will be dealt with accordingly,” Jinhyuk says, pouring out yet another shot of tequila for the vice president of one of their biggest investors and shareholders, hoping the alcohol will be enough to calm the cursing old man down. Jinhyuk had gone into the industry as a bright eyed kid, rapping and dancing his way to success. If someone had told him 10 years ago that he’d be spending his thirties catering to old, rich men in clubs he would have laughed at them and gone back to writing his music. 

_This is all for his music,_ he reminds himself as irritation at the group of drunken men around him builds. He’d barely had anything to drink himself, knowing well that he’d have to stay clear headed around these people and that one loose-lipped slip up could cost him _millions_.

Not like those stupid Sugar Babies hadn’t already. Damn them and everyone that’d convinced him that Candy Boyz was a good name and concept to go for. 

Mr Song, a smaller shareholder than Mr. Kim though not any less old and grumpy, holds out his glass for a refill which Jinhyuk carefully does with both hands. “So what _are_ your plans, Mr. Lee?”

“Well, X1 Entertainment will be holding auditions for our next season of trainees soon, so we’re hoping to find some new fresh talents to form our next boy group to replace Candy Boyz,” Jinhyuk grabs one of the shots on the table and faces away, downing it quickly. He’s going to need a drink to get through this night.

“Good good, I never liked those little fags anyways, women want _real_ men not boys like them,” Mr. Kim harrumphs, laughing loudly at his joke along with most of the group. Jinhyuk’s eye twitches at the slur, wishing very much to be able to throw the empty vodka bottle on the table at the man’s head.

Stigma against the LGBTQ+ community had faded to near obsolesce within the past few years, with same sex relationships now a norm on the streets of Seoul. Figures that old fogeys like him wouldn’t be catch up with the times. Not to mention that Mr. Kim had been the Candy Boyz’s biggest supporter right from their debut, often requesting for them to appear at his company functions.

 _Fucking hypocrite_ , Jinhyuk thinks to himself, forcing himself to laugh along despite his inner disgust.

“Aren’t you worried the public might view this as a cover up?” a younger man pipes up, probably an intern of some sort to one of the big wigs.

“The auditions have been scheduled for months now, if there’s anything good out of this issue it’ll be that those fuckups chose a good time to do so,” he holds up a glass to toast and the group does the same, downing their shots quickly enough to not notice Jinhyuk dump his on the floor.

One of the men slaps a large, meaty hand on his shoulder, an action that a younger Jinhyuk would have lurched forward at but older Jinhyuk now _actually_ visits the gym once in a while. “How’s your love life, Mr. Lee? Ladies still eager to climb into your bed?”

He shakes his head. “No, sir, I’m not really looking for a relationship at the moment, married to the job you know,” he laughs, not mentioning the fact that he hasn’t found women attractive since he was 22.

Mr. Kim leans up to him and whispers in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “I can get some whores called in here, if you’d like, I’m sure we’d all enjoy a show.” 

Jinhyuk stands up abruptly, disgust coiling in his stomach at the man he unfortunately has to keep happy. “I’ll pass for tonight, another time, perhaps?” he says, sticking his hand in his jeans to pull out his cigarettes. “I’m going to head outside for a smoke, do carry on gentlemen.” 

He doesn’t wait for them to acknowledge his statement before turning on his heels and exiting the private room, heading down the stairs and into the noise and commotion on the main level. Personally, Jinhyuk wasn’t much for clubs, preferring the solitude of his studio or his bedroom to work on his music or watch Frozen or both. The smell of sweat and alcohol fills his nose the moment he leaves the room, but he determinedly trudges through the crowd and pass the bouncers at the door, giving them a little nod as he does. 

They all know his face well, having come here frequently enough with those trolls upstairs disguised as businessmen for drinks and ‘business talk’. Leaning against the brick wall outside, he fishes a cigarette out of his pack and holds it between his lips, patting at his jeans and coat for a lighter. 

_Shit_. As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

The bouncer, noticing his predicament comes over with a lighter, lighting his cigarette for him without any words needing to be exchanged. He’ll have to recommend this guy to the boss the next time he sees him, this is true quality service right here.

Jinhyuk takes a deep drag of the smoke, feeling it fill his lungs and rot it even further than it already is. He’d started smoking back when he was still in his group as an attempt to give his higher pitched voice the husky tone that fans wanted from him, though it had quickly developed into a habit he could no longer break. He tried to limit how frequently he smoked, still wanting to treasure the pipes that had gotten him to where he is today, but on days like this…

He exhales and watches the grey smoke drift into the sky, the moon barely visible amongst all the light pollution in Seoul. He guesses he’s contributing isn’t he.

For the past few months he’d been stuck, a writers block of sorts, unable to put together a good melody or write any good lyrics. Seungyoun says he’s just lacking inspiration and he’s right, his life has come to a stalemate. 

_God, is this his midlife crisis? He’s only twenty nine._

Inspiration…

A solid body rams straight into his side, knocking the half finished cigarette out of his hand and onto the floor. “Oops, sorry mister,” the person says, sounding far too drunk to be sincere. He glares down at him, ready to snap at him to look where he’s going when the words get caught on his tongue.

A guy with large, almost _feline_ like eyes stares back up at him from the floor where he’d toppled over after hitting him, red lips wet with saliva and probably some form of alcohol. He has high cheekbones that Jinhyuk swears could cut glass, a faint blush painted over his cheeks. His eyes are sparkling as he smiles up at him apologetically, and Jinhyuk can see the red eyeshadow and dark eyeliner framing them. There are two rhinestones stuck to the upper corner of his left eye, glimmering in the light from the neon sign above them each time he blinks.

He’s beautiful.

They hold their eye contact for what feels like eternity to him, his heart pounding in his chest. And then he’s gone, tugged away by his friends into the bustling club.

What _was_ that? He hasn’t felt like that since—

Since a very long time ago. 

He steps on his fallen cigarette to put it out, taking one last breath of fresh air before heading back into the club. The party is still raving at full force when he enters, sweaty bodies jumping and dancing the night away. Deciding against rejoining his associates just yet, he makes his way to the bar for a quick drink, liquid courage, if he would.

“Vodka shot, please,” he calls to the bartender as he takes a seat, gesturing vaguely in the direction of their private room to let him know to put it on that tab. While waiting for his drink he turns to look at the dancing crowd, definitely not trying to search for that beautiful boy he’d seen earlier. The shot burns as it goes down his throat but it’s a good burn, the buzz from the alcohol starting to make its way through his system.

And out of the very corner of his eye, he sees him. The boy with the gorgeous eyes is dancing by himself towards the side of the dance floor, body rolling in time to the music looking like the hottest thing Jinhyuk has ever had the honour of seeing. As if feeling his stare, the boy looks up and their eyes meet, that heart fluttering feeling returning to his chest as the slightest of smirks graces the boy’s lips.

Slowly, deliberately, a pink tongue darts out from behind those soft looking lips and runs along the bottom one, and Jinhyuk _swears_ he can feel it raising goosebumps on his skin. The song changes and a fresh crowd of people rush out onto the dance floor, the boy disappearing from his sight in a flash. 

“Damnit,” he curses, wondering just why he’d remained frozen in his seat instead of approaching—

“Hello there,” a voice breathes in his ear, melodic and sweet. Jinhyuk jumps, whipping his head around so quickly he feels his neck crack. And there he is, the seductive little minx. His hair is tousled in a way that looks messy but probably took ages to style, brown strands falling over his forehead and brushing at his eyes.  
  
His _eyes_ , Jinhyuk just wants to stare into them forever.

The boy smirks once more, almost as if he can read into Jinhyuk’s very mind and see all the dirty things that Jinhyuk is picturing himself doing to him. “Will you buy me a drink, mister?” he hums, biting at his lower lip in a way that has the front of Jinhyuk’s jeans tightening.

“Uh, yeah, sure, um, what do you want?” he curses at himself for stuttering but it only seems to amuse his new drinking partner, the most delicate of laughs flowing from his lips.

“A cosmo please,” the boy says to the bartender before turning back to face him, “you’re cute, mister.”

His words are slurring just enough to let Jinhyuk know that he’s definitely had his fair share of drinks before this, but not too much that it’s obvious he’s completely wasted. Cute, he thinks to himself, eyes darting to the boy’s exposed collarbones peeking out from the button up shirt he’s wearing.

“You don’t look like you’re enjoying yourself very much, mister,” the boy teases, sipping at his bright pink drink with a twinkle in his eye. “Am I boring you?” 

“No!” Jinhyuk exclaims before catching himself, cheeks flushing at his outburst; what is this boy doing to him. “I mean, you’re not boring me in the slightest.”

The boy sets his empty glass back on the bar and steps closer to him so that he’s standing basically right between Jinhyuk’s spread legs, his face mere inches from his own. “That’s good, because I want you to dance with me. You look like a good dancer, are you mister?”

The alcohol kicks in and gives him a shove of courage, leaning forward so the gap between their lips is a mere breath. He hears the boy inhale sharply, startled as much as Jinhyuk is himself. “And what do I get if I am?” he whispers, tracing his finger along the back of the boy’s hand and looking up at him through his lashes.

The boy shakes his head and regains his control, grabbing Jinhyuk’s hand in his own and pulling him along onto the dance floor. He spins around and wraps his arms around Jinhyuk’s neck, smirking. “You’re a tall one, mister, is that proportional to other parts?” he teases, raising his voice to be heard above the pounding bass.

Jinhyuk just smiles and lets himself get lost in the music, years of training surging back to him as he and the boy sway and grind together on the dance floor in time to the beat. He grabs at the boy’s narrow waist and holds it between his hands, thumbs dipping teasingly beneath the rough edge of his skinny jeans and grinning to himself at the soft gasp that escapes his partner.

 _Well, now or never Jinhyuk_ , he thinks as he leans forward to press his lips against the boy’s, hands tightening around his partner’s waist to pull him closer. Their hips meet and he feels the boy let out a moan against their connected mouths, hands moving from Jinhyuk’s neck to tangle in his hair instead.

Jinhyuk lets out a moan of his own as the boy’s fingers tighten on the strands, pulling on his hair just enough to shoot a current of electricity straight to his crotch. The boy pulls away with wet, swollen lips, panting ever so slightly. “Let’s get out of here,” he says, already moving to pull Jinhyuk with him out of the crowd towards the back of the club where the bathrooms are.

The moment the door to the mens room is slammed shut behind them their lips connect once again, sloppy, clumsy, _wet_. Jinhyuk parts his lips and swipes his tongue across his partner’s bottom one, their tongues meeting in a way that has Jinhyuk’s knees weakening. He can taste the sweet fruity drink that he’d bought for the boy on his tongue, smell the faint, faded scent of a woodsy cologne clinging on beneath the sheen of sweat now starting to form on his skin.

Eventually he tires of having to lean down to kiss him and in a feat of strength, wraps his arms around the boy’s waist and hoists him up to sit on the sink top so they’re finally at eye level. He pauses for a moment, truly taking in the gorgeous creature in front of him. “What’s your name?” he asks, voice coming out a lot more breathless and less suave than he would have liked.

The boy blinks twice before a small giggle escapes him. “It’s Wooseok,” he says, raising a hand to Jinhyuk’s cheek and pulling him in to connect their mouths once again. The boy- _Wooseok_ , curls his fingers into the belt loops of Jinhyuk’s jeans, tugging on them to bring Jinhyuk’s hips in to meet his. Jinhyuk moans at the contact and breaks the kiss, his lips moving to Wooseok’s ear and trailing down his neck, leaving small feathery kisses as he goes.

At a certain spot on his neck Wooseok shivers and lets out a breath of pleasure, arms tightening around Jinhyuk. He smiles against his skin, licking at the sweat that had formed there and relishing in the breathless pants escaping Wooseok’s cupids-bow lips. He tugs at the top button of Wooseok’s shirt and pulls the shoulder of the top down to give him more access to Wooseok’s perfect, unblemished skin. He sinks his teeth down into the flesh of his shoulder, just enough to make Wooseok groan and for Jinhyuk to feel exactly how much Wooseok was enjoying this against his thigh.

He’s working at a rather lovely hickey when the bathroom door bursts open, a similarly youthful looking boy to Wooseok barging in with wide, shocked eyes at the sight of them. “Wooshinnie, we’ve been looking everywhere for you, we’re leaving,” he says, still eyeing Jinhyuk with unadulterated shock.

Jinhyuk tries his very best not to glare at the boy and hold Wooseok (Wooshin?) closer, instead doing the gentlemanly thing and helping Wooseok down from the sink. Wooseok’s face is flushed a bright red from having been caught necking by his friend, barely meeting Jinhyuk’s eyes in embarrassment. He shuffles along the dirty bathroom floor to join his friend to leave, turning back at the last moment to run over and place one last tiptoed kiss on Jinhyuk’s lips with the softest “Bye” before hurrying off into the night.

The tightness of his jeans doesn’t do very much for the already burgeoning tension in his body, but the memory of making out with possibly the most beautiful human being to have ever walked the earth is enough to bring a smile to his face.

Damn, he is really _really_ fucked. 

* * *

“Sir, the auditions will be starting in ten minutes, will you be observing?” Minju comes in to ask, clipboard in hand even though they’d moved all their filing and work to tablets a year ago. Jinhyuk is sure she only uses it because she thinks it makes her look pretty, but he’s in no place to judge.

Jinhyuk tosses down the granola bar he’d been halfway through eating with a flourish. “Of course, like I’d leave something like this to you fools again after that mess with the Sweetie Puffs,” he stands up, smoothing down the crisp white button up he’d worn especially for that day. His usual attire was made up of a mixture of hoodies and suit jackets over t-shirts, so seeing him in a proper shirt was a rare occurrence. 

Minju eyes his half-finished granola bar with suspicion. “Is that all you’re eating for lunch, sir? I can get some delivery brought in if you’d like,” Minju asks, already patting her pockets for her phone. Jinhyuk shakes his head. 

“No, no, I don’t have much of an appetite anyways, let’s just get to the auditions,” the auditions were being held in dance studio 1, the biggest one in the building. He and Minju take the elevator down from his office on the 4th floor to the ground floor, coming face to face with the huge line of potential trainees the moment they step out.

Relief floods through him; he’d been worried that the number of people showing up for the auditions would decrease after the scandal, but thankfully the good name of X1 has risen above it. Whispers break out amongst the crowd the second the girl standing closest to the elevator spots him, nudging her friend standing behind her in the line and causing a domino effect to spiral from there. He can hear a few giggles and squeals here and there but he ignores them, he’s no stranger to stares anyways. 

Dance studio 2 beside the audition room is already full of trainees who have registered and are awaiting their turn to be called in, and Jinhyuk’s entry signifies the beginning of the very _very_ long day ahead of them. The trainees come in in groups of five at a time, some nervous, some calm, some with the cockiest grins on their faces that make Jinhyuk immediately cross off their names on his list and stuff their profiles to the bottom of the pile. 

He gives them all the same speech: that the audition will be conducted in two stages, and that those who pass the first practical skills stage will be called back for a one-on-one interview at a later date.

It had been this stage of the casting process that his now _fired_ casting director had chosen to forgo when casting the members of the Honey Brats, hence not noticing the obviously huge flaws in their character that had led to them being _stupid_ enough to be involved in a _sex_ club.

So far out of the large pool of prospective trainees he’d seen, only a small handful of them had managed to impress him enough to be able to move onto the next stage. Far too many pretty boys and girls with no talent _;_ he laments that the industry has come to this. 

“Next group please,” his new casting director, Byungchan, calls out, looking almost as bored as he is by the never ending flow of empty pretty faces. The connecting door between the two studios opens and the next batch walks in, boys this time.

Jinhyuk studies their faces as they enter; boring, looks like he can’t sing, looks like a brat, interesting and—

“Oh my god,” Jinhyuk says out loud, drawing the attention of the five boys as well as every single member of his staff in the room. Byungchan looks at him with a raised brow, dimples appearing in amusement at his boss’s outburst. 

The reason for his sudden bout of religiousness?

Wooseok, in all of his beautiful, angel-like glory, standing at the end of the line and looking straight at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for the occasional fic update ;)


	2. Don't Tease Me Because I'm Young

_There are lips on his, soft and wanting. Large hands on his waist, pulling him closer and closer until there’s not a single inch of space between them. He wants him, needs him, as surely as the trees need the sun and the fish need the sea. The man’s hands reach down between them, tugging at the zip of his jeans and Wooseok gasps—_

“WAKE UP!” Wooseok hits the ground with an _oof_ , all of the air knocked out of his lungs in one swoop. He lands on the floor beside the couch and groans in pain from the impact, clutching at his ribs. It’s moments like this that make Wooseok feel grateful that he’s still young enough to not blow out a hip.

He groans loudly, cracking open an eye to shoot his assailant a death glare. “Yah, Seon Yein!” he barks, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the blinding light coming in from the window. The offender only smiles sheepishly, holding up a paper bag with the logo for the restaurant down the block on it.

As if on cue, his stomach growls loudly. “I got you hangover soup from the ahjumma downstairs,” Yein grins, waving the paper bag around like a peace offering. Wooseok gets up from the floor with yet another groan, wincing as a few of his joints crack and pop with the movemen _t. Maybe he’s not as young as he thinks after all._

His head starts spinning the moment he stands up, pounding and throbbing in a way it hadn’t while he’d been horizontal. The sunlight streaming in isn’t helping either, making him feel more vampire than human as he stumbles his way through Yein’s living room to the kitchen island where his friend has already very kindly poured out his soup.

He slumps his head on the table the second he sits down, squinting his eyes at the murky sight of hangover soup. “Never let me drink like that againnnnn,” he whines, pouting up at Yein with as much aegyo as he can muster in his extremely hungover state. He opens his mouth obediently when Yein picks up the spoon for him and starts to feed him, cooing at him like he’s a baby.

Though, in this state of his, he might as well be.

“Do you remember last night, Wooshinie?” Yein asks, patting his head before quickly withdrawing it from the sheer amount of grease coating Wooseok’s hair with barely concealed disgust. Wooseok tilts his head to the side, snatching the spoon from Yein to feed himself in offence. 

Remember… Remember…

_“You’re cute, mister.”_

Wooseok _screams_. “Oh my godddddddddd,” he drops his spoon into his bowl with a flourish, launching himself at the couch and burying his face in one of the many throw pillows Yein insists on having. “What was I _doing_?!” he cries, muffled by the pillow. Maybe he should just let himself suffocate like this?

Yein grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him up, preventing him from ending his miserable, embarrassing existence on his couch. Wooseok stares up at him with eyes brimming with tears of despair. “How could you let me do that, Sunyoullie?”

His friend gives him the most exasperated look he’s ever seen on his face, dropping him back down into the pillow to _die_. How can he go out into the world again after _that_?

“Do you remember who it was, though?” Yein asks, taking his own mouthful of soup with a devilish smirk. Wooseok wracks his brain for a name but comes up empty, in fact, the only words that shamefully comes to mind when he thinks of the grey haired man he had _thrown_ himself at the previous night is _‘hot daddy-o’_.

Not that he’d ever say that out loud; Yein would never let him live it down.

He shakes his head, wondering exactly why his friend was looking so freaking smug. “That’s a shame,” Yein hums, still with that horribly suspicious look in his eyes. 

“Why…” he prods, almost afraid to hear the answer. His heart is thudding hard in chest; not unlike when he’d had his _tongue_ in that man’s throat last night. _God_ …

Yein shrugs. “I mean, _I_ wouldn’t want to forget making out with _the_ Lee Jinhyuk,” at Wooseok’s confused face Yein rolls his eyes in exasperation. “You know, only the famous rapper from UP10TION and the current CEO of X1 Entertainment?”

Wooseok’s jaw drops.

“ _Him_??” he shouts, diving back into the couch to try and find his phone which had probably fallen out at some point during his sleep. He digs it out from the crack between the cushions and looks back at a grinning Yein. “But, isn’t he like really old? That guy last night didn’t look that old, though?”

“Lee Jinhyuk’s like what, thirty? That’s not _that_ old,” Yein chimes out from wherever the hell in the apartment he’d gone. _Fair_ , but Wooseok is only nineteen, just fresh out of high school.

He pulls up Naver and starts searching for pictures, stomach twisting at the confirmation that the man he’d had his hands all up on last night _was_ in fact the nationally famous Lee Jinhyuk. “He really doesn’t look that old,” he mumbles to himself, scrolling through the pictures and trying his very best to control his traitorous heart from fluttering at the sight of the handsome man’s toothy smile.

Yein pops up from behind the couch. “Oooh~ Wooshinie’s blushing~” he teases, dodging Wooseok’s furious pillow throw with a laugh. So what if he’s a little flustered? Lee Jinhyuk is apparently an extremely handsome man and Wooseok is only just slightly embarrassed that he’d basically tried to seduce him the previous night, that’s normal, right?

The scent of pine wafts into his nose and he scrunches his face up at the smell, apparently Yein’s cologne was a little stronger than he’d reassured him when he’d literally doused him in it before they headed out to the club. He whips his shirt off over his head and tosses it over the back of the couch, the majority of the pine smell going along with it. “Your stupid cologne is so fucking strong,” he whines, leaning back into the couch in only his jeans.

“Lee Jinhyuk wasn’t complaining when he was _eating_ your neck last night~” Wooseok attempts another throw at Yein, once again missing its mark. Then, freezing, Yein turns to him with a glint in his eye that Wooseok does not appreciate in the slightest. “Looks like he got a good bite outta you too huh?”

“What?”

Yein gestures at his own neck, right at the junction where his neck and shoulder meet. Wooseok mirrors him and opens up the front camera of his phone to look at what exactly Yein is pointing out.

“Oh my fuck,” Wooseok curses as he finally sees the enormous hickey Lee Jinhyuk had left on him, the mark a mixture of bites and bruises all coloured a dark, dark purple. He fingers at the mark and presses down with the faintest of pressures, a jolt of electricity shooting straight down _there_ at the slight ache it causes. “This isn’t going away for at least a week.”

The sofa sinks in beside him as Yein plops down, bowl of hangover soup in hand. “You know what’s in a week?” he asks, cute and bubbly as always with not the slightest hint of the pounding headache Wooseok is suffering. _How?_ He swears his friend had been drinking more than him. 

“No, do I really want to?” Wooseok obediently takes the bowl of stew from Yein and starts to eat in earnest, almost moaning in pleasure at the spicy, peppery goodness. 

Yein gives him a sheepish smile. “Well, you can’t crash on my couch forever, right? I mean I don’t mind, but I know you like having your own private space.”

Ah, that’s right. This isn’t his home.

He’d been kicked out of his home two weeks ago after he’d told his parents he wanted to drop out of university to discover himself and find out exactly what he wanted to do with his life rather than go through a law degree absolutely hating it. Wooseok had spent his entire high school career studying, all to get the score on the SAT that had gotten him a spot in one of the biggest universities in Korea.

But he wasn’t happy, not in the slightest. Having to be a teenager locked inside his room studying, watching his friends’ instagram stories of them going out and actually _living_? Not fun. When the first semester at university had began, Wooseok had started spiralling into a deep depression that not even his best of friends could pull him out of. The books, the lectures, the tension in the library every single day.

He _hated_ it.

It’d been with his friends’ support that he’d finally managed to break out of his depression and tell his parents that he needed a break before he went absolutely insane, and it’d been his friends that had been there to catch him when his parents threw him out telling him to only come back if he was going back to university.

Hence why he was currently sleeping on Yein’s couch. His parents had cut off his credit card and had effectively left him homeless, with the limited funds left in his debit card just barely enough for food and other living supplies. Having been studying nearly every day since he’d turned 13, he didn’t have a part time job or any other form of income he could get some cash from to get himself his own place.

In short, he’s fucked if he doesn’t find a job soon.

He swallows hard, trying not to tear up from the sheer hopelessness of his situation. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Yein doesn’t comment on the wetness of his voice, merely wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in to lean his head on his shoulder. “Well, X1 Entertainment is having their annual auditions next Wednesday, and seeing how intimately you know their CEO you could definitely get in.”

Wooseok would have laughed if he wasn’t about to cry. “I can’t be an idol, Yein-ah,” 

His friend looks almost offended at his statement. “Yeah you can! Have you seen your face?” he says, poking his cheek with a bony finger. Of course he has, Wooseok knows exactly how good looking he is, having received his fair share of confessions from classmates, juniors, and seniors alike. But having a good looking face is not all being an idol is about. 

“I can’t dance, I can _barely_ sing,” he reasons.

“Nonsense, you have a lovely singing voice, why do you think we keep dragging you out for karaoke?”

“Still can’t dance.”

Yein groans. “Dancing can be taught,” he says before pausing. “Look, X1 Entertainment offers dorms for trainees from out of town or with no places of their own, it could be a good start for you to get yourself back on your feet with a possible solid future plan too if you get selected for debut.”

Wooseok stays silent, trying to convince himself that Yein’s words aren’t actually making sense. He’d always enjoyed music, being one of his only solaces from studying and all. Maybe this was the direction life was pointing him in.

“ _Andddd_ you made out with the freaking _CEO_ last night, if that isn’t a sign from above then I don’t know what is,” Yein finishes, looking far too proud of himself for this to be a plan he’d just thought up.

He narrows his eyes. “You’ve been trying to find ways to get rid of me, haven’t you?” 

The blush on Yein’s cheeks says it all. “Uh.. I mean.. Well, I’m still a _guy_ and we guys have needs you know, needs that are a little hard to satisfy with you hanging out in my living room every night…”

Wooseok scoffs, betrayed. “I can’t believe it, you’re trying to kick me out onto the streets just to get some ass.”

“I’m not the one who was 5 minutes away from fucking Lee Jinhyuk in a bathroom last- _OOF_!”

This time the pillow hits right where Wooseok wants it to.

* * *

_Come on Wooseok, it’s not that hard, just do it._

His cursor is hovering over the submit button, his finger trembling a little over the mouse of Yein’s computer. Why is this so difficult for him, all he needs to do is submit his application for the X1 Entertainment auditions and he’ll be all set. The deadline is in like ten minutes, he needs to do this _now_.

“Are you _still_ here?” Hwanhee says incredulously enough to make Wooseok feel offended. _Excuse_ him, he’s _only_ been sitting here for about _two_ _hours_ since he completed filling in the application form? That is _far_ from long enough to deserve that kind of tone from a dongsaeng. “Hyung, just submit it, you literally have nothing to lose.”

Wooseok gasps and shoots him a betrayed glare; the _disrespect_. “My pride as a man,” he says with an indignant sniff. By submitting this application he was basically making known his own existence to one of the most famous men in Korea, of whom he’d happened to make out with in a club last night. What if Lee Jinhyuk thought he was some kind of crazy fanboy, or worse, a _stalker_?

_‘Click’_

“There, I helped you,” Hwanhee jumps back just in time to avoid Wooseok’s angry cat swipe (as his friends have so kindly dubbed), dancing out of the room and humming as he goes. “Make sure to thank me later when you’re a big time idol, okay Hyung~”

It is at this moment that Wooseok knew: he fucked up.

He jumps onto Yein’s bed and starts rolling around in sheer cringe at what he’d just done. He grabs the edge of Yein’s duvet and starts to wrap himself in it to hide from the world; he’ll just miss the audition and be an unemployed burrito _forever_.

“Wooshinnie! Get out of my bed! You still haven’t showered you filthy animal!” Yein screeches, his high pitched voice shooting daggers straight into his still mildly hungover brain. He covers his (admittedly) greasy head with a pillow and whines loudly; why is he being _attacked_ like this. Yein rips his blanket away and destroys his burrito form, glaring down at him with the cutest scary glare Wooseok has ever seen. “Hwanhee already agreed to help you with your singing for the audition, and all you need to do is find an idol group song to cover for the dance portion and you’re all set.”

_Grey hair between his fingers, soft lips against his neck—_

Nononononono stop it Wooseok you horny bastard!

“Yein-ah, what if I don’t get in?” he whispers. He’d checked his bank balance for his debit card earlier on, cold terror seeping into his veins at the number that was a lot smaller than it had been just a week ago. If he doesn’t make it for this audition he’s screwed; manual labour and retail jobs don’t pay nearly enough for him to live on all on his own. He can’t sleep on Yein’s couch like this forever… 

In a rare display of direct affection, Yein leans forwards and places a light kiss on Wooseok’s forehead, stroking his hair in a way that has tears brimming in his eyes. “You’ll get in, Wooseokie, I’m sure of it, you’re amazing.”

Fired up now, Wooseok jumps to his feet. First, he’ll shower and get all the grime and sweat off from his wild night out, then he’ll start looking for a simple choreography to learn by next week. Yeah, he’s Kim Wooseok, he can do this. 

“And if worse comes to worst, you can always just suck Lee Jinhyuk’s dick for a little incentive!” Yein calls out from behind him, Hwanhee’s laughter at the statement echoing through the little apartment.

Wooseok walks face first into the bathroom door.

* * *

“What if they ask me to do a freestyle dance or something?” Wooseok hisses into his phone, staring up at the huge X1 Entertainment logo above the entrance to the building in a mixture of awe and absolute terror. This could potentially go so, so badly.

Hordes of other prospective trainees are pouring in as he speaks, some older, some his age, some looking like they should definitely be in school rather than here. They must be extremely talented if they’re auditioning so young, right? What the hell is Wooseok doing here?

Yein sighs. “Then just show off your shoulder like I told you to and figure something out, I picked that shirt for you for a reason you know?” 

Ah yes, the shirt. Yein had basically manhandled him into putting on a large white oversized sweater with a wide neck along with some ripped skinny jeans that morning, helping him with his makeup too so that he’d ‘seduce the pants off of Lee Jinhyuk’. The sweater had been falling off of his shoulders all day, a fact that lead to more than a few judgemental stares at the sizeable hickey still remaining on his skin. Yes, it seems that Lee Jinhyuk must be some sort of vampire because even after almost a week this hickey is _still_ going strong.

Wooseok had said it was embarrassing but Yein was hearing none of it, shoving him out of the apartment and locking the door behind him so he couldn’t come back in to change. He’d tried to use the straps of his backpack to cover it on the train but he’d still gotten a few nasty glares from the old ladies sitting across from him. 

His friend is trying to sabotage him, he’s sure of it.

“Excuse me? Are you here for the audition?” a tall but youthful looking boy is standing in front of him, hands nervously grasping at the hem of his shirt. _He’s really handsome_ , Wooseok thinks to himself, is this what’s he’s up against?

He nods. “Yeah I am, are you?” The tall boy lets out a sigh of relief, a squinty eyed smile gracing his handsome features. The boy holds out a hand for Woosoek to shake.

Wooseok tries not to resent how much taller he is.

“I’m Minhee, Kang Minhee,” he says, giving Wooseok’s hand a firm shake. Wooseok can’t help but smile back, also somewhat relived to meet a friendly soul in this warzone. 

“Kim Wooseok, nice to meet you. How old are you?” he’s silently hoping he’s not too young, he already feels like an old man amongst all these youngsters.

“Oh, I’m 15, you?”

Wooseok is holding back his tears; god he’s so _old_.

“19, you can call me Hyung if you like,” he says, questioning his own current existence.

Minhee smiles brightly again; Wooseok thinks he’ll make a good idol, he’s certainly got the looks and a lovely personality to boot. “Are you waiting for someone, Hyung?”

 _My sanity,_ Wooseok wants to say, but he bites his tongue. “Nope, do you want to go in now?” 

Wooseok shifts his backpack and swallows hard. It’s now or never. His bank balance is drawing ever closer to zero, this is the best shot he has. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They chat more as they stand in line in the lobby to register their names, Minhee telling him all about his friends from school who were currently trainingat X1 and how he’d only just managed to convince his parents to let him audition this year, the kind of games and music he liked and much more than Wooseok had ever imagined himself learning about a person at a first meeting.

The two of them make plans to add each other as friends on kakaotalk and on Playstation so they can play some games together. Well, if Wooseok doesn’t manage to get in at least he’ll have gotten a new friend out of this adventure.

“Kim Wooseok-ssi?” the lady sitting at the registration table calls out, snapping him out of yet another daze. “Could you please sign here?”

He takes the pen she holds out to him and signs his name quickly at the bottom of the form, basically signing his soul away for the entire duration of the audition process. Minhee has already been ushered into the waiting room ahead of him, and Wooseok quickly grabs the sticker with his name printed on it that the registration lady offers him and follows after.

The sticker has to go on the front of his shirt, she had said, to make it easier for the casting directors to identify him or something. He checks his phone for the time; there’s about twenty minutes to go before the official start of the audition. What would the chances be of Lee Jinhyuk being present at the audition? As far as Wooseok knows, CEOs don’t typically get so involved in stuff like this, far too busy managing the company and funding and stuff, right?

Yeah. Right.

About ten minutes before the auditions are set to begin, Wooseok starts hearing screaming from outside of the room. Perhaps some famous idol from the company had been walking by? Either way, Wooseok doesn’t pay too much attention to it, the butterflies in his stomach from nervousness of much higher priority than whatever was going on outside. He had been working on the song for his audition with Hwanhee who was basically a natural born genius when it came to singing, and he’d somehow managed to drag Yein in to learn the dance with him in the living room every night.

He wasn’t perfect, but it was the best he could do for now.

Minhee was part of a different group and was going right before Wooseok, the anxiety clearly showing on the young boy’s handsome face. Wooseok shoots him a thumbs up right before he goes in and Minhee smiles at him gratefully, following the rest of his group into the audition studio. The walls must be soundproofed because Wooseok can’t hear much besides the occasional thumping or bass. 

God he feels like he’s about to throw up. 

“Next group please,” he hears as the door between the studios opens, revealing a long table of people sitting at the back end with piles of papers scattered around them. Wooseok is a little too far to pick out exact faces and decides to take the short few seconds walking into the room to give himself a last minute pep talk. He keeps his eyes trailed on the ground as he goes, following behind the other boys in his group and hoping he doesn’t look too awkward.

He keeps his hands on the bottom of his sweater to pull it down, trying his very hardest to prevent the collar from slipping off and exposing the humongous love bite on his shoulder.

“Oh my god,” he hears and his heart drops to the floor. He snaps his head up in the direction of the far too familiar voice and feels his mouth go dry at the instant eye contact from the very last person he’d wanted to see that day. He doesn’t remember much of that night besides how handsome the older man had looked sitting at that bar, and exactly how good it had felt to have his mouth on him. 

Today Lee Jinhyuk is wearing a white button up that looks at least a size too small for him, the material stretched across his broad shoulders and chest in a way that has Wooseok’s stomach clenching. He looks far, _far_ too good for a thirty year old.

The two of them hold eye contact for a lot longer than what is considered appropriate before the man beside Lee Jinhyuk clears his throat pointedly, snapping them out of their revelry. “Shall we begin?” he asks, nudging Lee Jinhyuk with his elbow with a dimply grin. 

“Ah- Ah yes, let’s start,” Lee Jinhyuk says, slotting right back into his role as CEO with a serious look on his face. “We’ll start from Lee Mingyu for the vocal audition and move down the line, if any of my staff request for you to stop you are to do so immediately.”

They all nod solemnly and Wooseok tries to ignore his heart beating heavily in his chest. Lee Mingyu starts to sing and Wooseok does his very best to not wince at the off-key quality of it, looking towards the table of judges instead. The other members of staff are obviously trying to keep their faces neutral but Lee Jinhyuk doesn’t seem to be even attempting the same, scrunching his nose up at the boy with open disdain.

“Stop,” he says not long after, Lee Mingyu’s voice cutting off instantly. “Next.”

And so it continues, the boy right before Wooseok the only one that seems to not add to the lines of frustration between Lee Jinhyuk’s brows. _If only he could smooth them out with a kiss…_

 _No_ Wooseok, focus.

At his turn Lee Jinhyuk looks up from his papers to look directly into his eyes, licking his lips in such a manner that has Wooseok’s skin tingling. “Kim Wooseok-ssi, please begin,.”

He’s not sure if it’s just his imagination, but Lee Jinhyuk’s voice sounds a lot deeper speaking to him than it had just moments ago with the boy beside him.

The song he’d chosen was by a famous female duo, the lyrics resounding deeply within him the first time he’d listened to it. He’d spent so long studying and doing as his parents wanted that the majority of his youth had passed right by him before he’d even realised, now teetering on the very edge of his teen-hood in a way that leaves him staring up at the ceiling unable to sleep most nights.

He tries to pour all of these feelings into his voice as he sings, letting all of the lessons Hwanhee had been giving him guide him through the melody flowing into the room through the speakers on the walls. Halfway through the song he feels the familiar sting of tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and he wills for them to not fall. At one point he sees the dimply man open his mouth as if to tell him to stop but Lee Jinhyuk places a hand on his arm to stop him, eyes not leaving Wooseok the entire time.

All he’s hoping for at this point is for his voice to not crack on the high note, and by some strange grace of the heavens it doesn’t and he finishes the song perfectly. He’s panting slightly by the time the music comes to an end, and he licks his lips to soothe the dryness that has formed.

The staff members sitting at the table _seem_ impressed to him, but Wooseok won’t be able to really know for sure until the results come back.

Now. It’s dance time. He can’t even bring himself to focus on the boys going before him because of the sudden bout of panic that is freezing his limbs. He’s not a dancer, the most he’s ever danced before was at that compulsory class talent show that one time back in secondary school. He’s stiff and awkward and they’re going to see right through him—

“Kim Wooseok-ssi?” the dimply man says, making him jump in shock; it’s his turn _already_? “Are you ready, Wooseok-ssi?” 

He has to clear his throat of the lump that has formed there. “Yes, yes I’m ready.”

“Music cue.”

The track for the boy group song he’d been practicing religiously for the past week starts to sound and he just goes for it, dancing as best as he can to the choreography he’d memorised. He stumbles at some parts and it’s obvious that the staff members aren’t as satisfied as they had been with his singing when a girl sitting at the end of the table calls for him to stop.

The other boys had been stopped before finishing their sets but Wooseok can’t help but feel embarrassed, his cheeks heating up and his gaze falling to the floor as he thanks them.

“Do you think you could show us something freestyle?” the dimply man asks, confirming Wooseok’s very worst fears. Oh _god_. “It’s okay if you can’t,” the man reassures, but Wooseok can see in his eyes that he’s lying.

They hadn’t asked the other boys to freestyle, why does the universe hate him?

Wooseok risks a glance at Lee Jinhyuk and is surprised by the sureness in his eyes, almost as if he has the confidence in Wooseok that he doesn’t have in himself. Okay, it’s worth a shot. “I’ll try- I mean, I’ll do it.”

The corner of Lee Jinhyuk’s lips quirk up. “Track 5 please,” the grey haired man says, grinning almost as devilishly as Yein does.

Then as the music starts to play, Wooseok understands why.

It was the music that he and Lee Jinhyuk had been dancing to at the club, the bass heavy and thrumming deep in his bones.

_“Then just show off your shoulder like I told you to and figure something out, I picked that shirt for you for a reason you know?”_

Well, he’ll be damned.

Wooseok lets himself sink into the music and move, rolling his body in time to the beat. He tries to incorporate the moves he’d learned from that boy group song, the collar of his shirt finally giving up as he turns and slips off his shoulder to expose Lee Jinhyuk’s massive hickey. He ignores the gasps at the sight of it and just continues to move until the very man in charge clears his throat and raises a hand to stop the music, looking rather flustered himself.

“Thank you to all of you for auditioning for X1 Entertainment, we’ll be getting back to you within 3 working days if you have progressed to the next stage,” the dimply man says, dipping his head in a bow to the five of them standing there. Wooseok quickly pulls on his shirt to readjust it, regretting every decision in his life that had led him to this point.

The main door to the studio opens to let them out and just as he’s about to follow the rest and leave, he turns back to face the staff. “I’m sorry, but could I ask where the bathroom is?” 

“It’s just down the hall to the left of the reception desk, thank you for auditioning!” the dimply man smiles, looking pretty sincere. _Have hope, Wooseok, have hope._

He spots Minhee sitting in the lobby and mimes washing his hands to him as he walks, the younger boy nodding quickly in understanding. He holds himself together as far as the door to the men’s restroom before he lets out the breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. That freestyle dance was a mess, he shouldn’t have listened to Yein and looked like such a _harlot_ in front of his potential future employers and freaking _Lee Jinhyuk_.

“Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ ,” he mutters angrily at his own reflection, washing his hands as furiously as one possibly can. “What were you _thinking_?” he glares at himself, biting at his bottom lip in frustration. He’s staring himself so intensely in fact that he doesn’t even notice someone else in the room until a face appears beside his own in the mirror.

He will deny any statement on the shrillness of his subsequent screech.

Lee _freaking_ Jinhyuk rushes forwards and clamps a large hand over Wooseok’s mouth, shushing him with his mouth literally pressed up against his ear and sending all sorts of good tingles down his spine. “It’s me, you know now, right?”

Wooseok nods, still wide eyed and vaguely in shock. A drunken night in a club was one thing but here? In his own office building? Risky.

“I’m going to let go now, don’t scream anymore,” Lee Jinhyuk says before slowly removing his hand. Wooseok laughs at the irony of the situation and the CEO raises an inquisitive brow. “What?”

“We have to stop meeting in bathrooms, don’t we?” he whispers, turning to face the man raising a hand to his forehead to smooth out the worry lines between his eyebrows without much thought. He hears the man suck in a breath at the contact, his eyes darkening as he looks down (sadly by a lot more than he remembers) at Wooseok’s face.

Wooseok can’t breathe, the closeness of the handsome man in front of him too much to handle. He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t…

Lee Jinhyuk moves first, leaning down to catch his lips between his. Wooseok moans at the contact, hands moving between them to grab at his white button up, panting into the man’s mouth as they kiss. Wooseok had kissed a few girls and boys alike back in high school, sneaky after school sessions behind the gym or in the stairwell that he’d managed to get in in between his studies.

But none of them had felt anything like _this_.

“Mr. Lee…” he breathes when Lee Jinhyuk pulls down his collar to mouth at his neck, groaning in pleasure as the man revisits the mark he’d so kindly left on his shoulder.

“Don’t call me that,” Lee Jinhyuk says in between nips of his skin, “it makes me sound old.”

Wooseok laughs. “So what should I call you then? Sir?”

Lee Jinhyuk curses and bites down hard onto his neck, the sting shooting a jet or burning hot arousal straight to his crotch. He moans out loud before catching himself, biting at his lip to keep from making anymore sounds. “No, _fuck_ , don’t call me that either, just call me Jinhyuk or Hyung.”

“Okay, Hyung,” he says softly, not quite believing this was actually happening. Jinhyuk moves away from his neck and reconnects their lips, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue in a way that has Wooseok’s legs threatening to give out.

Minutes pass as their lips continue to move together, hands wandering and exploring each others’ bodies through the layers of their clothes. There’s still a niggling voice at the back of his mind telling him he shouldn’t be doing this, that this could be his future boss and that he’s underage and—

“Shit,” Jinhyuk pulls back roughly, breaking their kiss and stumbling backwards into a bathroom stall. His pupils are blown wide, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Shit we shouldn’t have done that.”

He might as well have slapped him. Wooseok feels his stomach twist in embarrassment, shame filling him at Jinhyuk’s rejection. Stupid, stupid, stupid… He clenches his fist tightly enough to feel his nails digging into his palm, wondering exactly how he’s going to find a job that can pay him enough to get a place when he’s rejected here.

After Jinhyuk’s reaction there’s no way he’s going to pass to the next audition stage.

“Hey, hey, I’m not mad at you,” Jinhyuk grabs his chin and tilts his face up to look at him, eyes not holding a single lie. “But you’re underage, and you’re most likely going to be my employee soon—“

“What?” he cuts him off, surprised beyond words that he was still being considered after everything he’d done. And that bit about being underage too. “I’m turning twenty in like two weeks, I’m not underage.”

“I’m too old for you, Wooseok,” Jinhyuk says, thumb running over the sharp line of Wooseok’s cheekbone in a way that’s almost _revering_.

It’s this touch that makes him decide: he _wants_ him. “You just said you’re not that old,” he bites out, the desire pooling low in his belly making him far more daring than he would have been just minutes earlier.

Jinhyuk laughs then, a wide toothy laugh that makes Wooseok’s heart give a heavy thump. “Yeah, but I’m still too old _for you_ , not to mention the employee bit.”

Wooseok gets up on his tiptoes to bite at Jinhyuk’s ear, relishing in the way that Jinhyuk’s breath stutters at the contact. “I can keep my mouth shut,” he whispers, praying this move won’t backfire in his face too badly.

“Fuck you’re gonna kill me,” Jinhyuk swears, the last few strings of his control slipping out of his handsas he reaches beneath Wooseok’s shirt and runs his fingers over the lines of his chest and stomach. The arousal burning in his belly is almost molten as he arches into the touch to reconnect their lips and—

‘ _Growl_ ’ his traitorous stomach rumbles, his lack of a proper breakfast finally making itself known. Jinhyuk moves away once again, an amused grin on his lips at the sound. 

The universe really hates him. 

“Hungry boy, aren’tcha?” Jinhyuk teases, hand still under his shirt and making his heart do all sorts of funny things between his ribs. “Do you have enough cash on you for lunch?” he asks, removing his hand (sadly) and pressing one last kiss to his lips (not so sadly).

That’s a good question, so good in fact that even Wooseok himself doesn’t know the answer. Noticing his silence, Jinhyuk reaches into his back pocket to pull out his wallet, withdrawing a 50,000 won note from its contents and handing it to Wooseok. Something cold and ugly starts to dampen the aroused high he’d been riding on.

“I’m not a prostitute,” he says, eyeing the money like it could grow fangs at any moment. He’s doing this because Jinhyuk is possibly the best looking man he’ll ever have the blessing to kiss in his entire life and there’s something about him that just draws him in, _not_ for his money (no matter how much Wooseok needs it).

Jinhyuk looks offended at the accusation. “I know that, I just know how it’s like to be a broke teenager,” he reasons, still holding the note out to Wooseok. “Think of it as an early salary instead, if you’re so against it.”

The soft smile on Jinhyuk’s face is enough to soften his resolve, reaching out and taking the banknote between his fingers before he can second-doubt himself. Jinhyuk kisses him one last time, holding his face between his large hands like he’s something fragile to be handled with care.

Wooseok can’t recall the last time he’d been treated like that, his parents never had. 

“That’s my boy, now go get yourself something nice for lunch.”

And then he’s gone, rushing back to the auditions where he’s undoubtedly already been missed. Wooseok takes a few more minutes in the bathroom to calm his racing pulse before exiting, waving at Minhee who’s still sitting in the lobby waiting for him (bless him).

“Come on, Minhee-yah, Hyung will treat you to lunch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back hahaha. I love this fic so much sue me. I literally churned this out in a single day and I'm exhausted but I love CEO Jinhyuk too much T_T. This chapter is a little peak into Wooseok's mind and I tried my best to make a clear definition between Wooseok and Jinhyuk's mindsets and ways of thinking, do tell me if you can see it or if I'm lacking in any way I love reading your reviews it makes me all bubbly inside <3
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Leave some reviews and a kudo if you like it really makes my day!
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for the occasional fic update!


	3. The Moment You Fall Deeper for me

“For fucks sake, stop crying Kim Soomin,” Jinhyuk groans, his face in his hands as the aforementioned Soomin grabs at his ankles from his knees on the floor. The maknae’s face is a blotchy red mess of snot and tears, his termination contract left abandoned on the table in favour of grovelling.

After many gruelling meetings with the shareholders and executive staff of X1 Entertainment, Jinhyuk had made the final decision to terminate each of the Candy Boyz’s contracts rather than let them carry on destroying the good name of their company. Not that Jinhyuk was too put out by this choice, even looking at their sobbing forms is giving him a headache right now. He doesn’t particularly need them either, they’d already served their purpose after all.

In a rather genius idea of his (if he does say so himself), Jinhyuk had made a statement to the press that, in order to have the boys atone for their wrongdoings, he had signed them up to do a years worth of community service picking up trash as well as working at a nursing home. The fans had loved this, appreciating how Jinhyuk wasn’t just sweeping the issue under the rug and was actually admitting the wrongdoing of his artists. His name had trended for a week after that announcement, and the image of X1 Entertainment was as beloved as it had been before.

He’d made sure that the boys would not be able to get out of their community service deals before drawing up the termination papers, fully prepared to keep them on in the company as staff (read: slaves) if they could. But thankfully the deal with local authorities had been signed by the boys themselves, and Jinhyuk would no longer have to see their cutesy (now vaguely aged—not everyone can age as gracefully as he has) faces around the office ever again.

A true ‘hit two birds with one stone’ scenario.

How is he such a genius?

“CEO-nimmmmm! You need us! We’re your top sellers!” Soomin cries, tugging at the hem of his pants. The other members shout their assent, looking about five seconds away from doing Soomin on their knees if he doesn’t do something.

No, the only one he wants on his knees is unfortunately not in the room. 

Jinhyuk scoffs, choosing to not kick Soomin off just because of the assault lawsuit he’d have on his hands if he does. “IZ*ONE is rising up in the charts faster than you suckers did, and I just got a fresh batch of trainees,” then, making sure to look Soomin straight in the eye as he says it, “and they’re all a lot more talented than you’ll ever be anyways.” 

The screeching that follows right after is enough to make him want to blow his brains out, calling in Minju to have her handle the signing instead. She’s a little ditzy a good 80% of the time, but she can be scary when she needs to be. It helps that she’s one of the only female staff in the company that isn’t completely fooled by the Cookie Tots too.

He walks back to his office slowly, rubbing at his temples to ease his growing migraine. He’s only just collapsed on the large, comfy sofa in his office when his intercom starts buzzing. Minju’s melodic voice comes through not even two breaths later; she’d finished with the Frosty Friends already? He needs to give her a raise, the poor girl deals with far too much shit than she should at her age.

“Sir, Mr. Choi is coming up to see you regarding the new trainees,” Minju says, the sound of scuffling and laughing echoing in the background.

“And Haenami!” a high pitched, ever familiar voice calls out, bringing a smile to Jinhyuk’s face for the first time that day. Jinwoo had been only 11 when he’d joined X1 Entertainment, his talent far too great to simply reject him because of his age. Though his team had wanted Jinwoo to join the Candy Boyz because of his cute and youthful image being an absolutely perfect fit for the group, Jinhyuk had put his foot down and kept the boy from debuting at that young of an age.

One of the best decisions of his life, he would think, looking at the mess the Candy Boyz are now. He will _never_ let this happen again, his next group will be the best he’s ever created or his name isn’t Lee Jinhyuk.

He laughs and tells Minju to send them on in, the face of his (basically) adopted son appearing between his dark wood doors with a humongous toothy grin on his youthful face. Jinwoo is due to turn 13 in a little under a month, and honestly Jinhyuk feels like a proud father watching his child grow up. 

“Appa!” Jinwoo calls out as he runs in, leaping onto the couch with him and giving him a hug. Jinhyuk hugs him back tightly, relishing in his youthful innocence. He’s so cute, how can he send him out into the world of vipers and sharks that is k-pop when he’s like this.

Almost as if Jinwoo had heard his thoughts, the boy leans back into the couch and looks at him with dead-serious eyes. “Jinhyukie-appa, will I be able to debut with the group this time?” he asks, looking so much like a lost puppy that Jinhyuk’s heart is absolutely melting. Ah… His adorable son…

“How do you know about the new group?” Jinhyuk wonders, he hasn’t made any announcements to the trainees yet (both the new and the existing). Then, the culprit for the leak makes an appearance. 

Choi Byungchan is a handsome man, not quite as handsome as Jinhyuk himself but still worthy of being part of his entourage. He had been recommended by his top vocal coach, Seungwoo, as being a friend from back in university who was good with people; after the fiasco with his previous casting director Jinhyuk was ready to try anything.

Byungchan has proven himself well these past few weeks, and the list of new trainees now in their entourage had all been handpicked by the two of them personally. With the exception of one, of course.

Kim Wooseok had impressed them all at his audition with his voice, the voice of an untrained angel as Byungchan had teased him for days after. The casting director was no fool to the way he’d been staring at the boy, shooting him all sorts of suggestive winks when he’d returned from his ‘bathroom break’. Thankfully he hadn’t said much else, only telling him once that he hoped he knew what he was doing and then never bringing it up again.

True quality service right there.

“Sorry boss, couldn’t resist those eyes you know,” Byungchan shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face. He’s holding his tablet in his hands and as he’s turning to close the door behind him, Jinhyuk catches glimpse of the picture displayed there. It’s Wooseok, looking just as gorgeous as the last time he’d seen him just a few nights ago. 

He knows he shouldn’t be doing this: meeting up with a trainee under his company for heated kisses in the back of his car, treating him to meals and clothes just to spoil him and see that lovely blush on his cheeks. But Jinhyuk just can’t help it, there’s just something about Kim Wooseok that pulls him in closer every single day, something in those deep brown eyes that has him falling harder and harder for the teen.

The _teen_. 

Granted he won’t be a teenager any longer in a week or so, but there’s still a good ten year age gap between the two of them. And besides, Wooseok is his trainee, Jinhyuk is his _boss_. There’s just so many levels of wrong. But still Jinhyuk can’t stay away.

And he hates himself for it. He’s an old man stealing away the highlight of a boy’s youth—he’s _despicable_. 

“Uh, boss?” Byungchan is waving a hand in front of his face to snap him out of his moment of self hatred. Jinhyuk blinks and looks up at him, only slightly annoyed at the dimply grin spread across his cheeks “Well, anyways, I was just telling you the possible names the marketing team thought up, would you like me to repeat them?” 

Jinhyuk glares at him; the _sass_ in that sentence is unnecessary. 

“Well, there’s PDX, Wanna One, BY9, or…” Byungchan trails off on the last one, staring down at his tablet with a little more intensity than required for reading off names.

“X1,” Jinwoo finishes for him, his eyes sparkling in a way that lets Jinhyuk guess exactly which of the four options is his favourite. It’s the name of his company and he’s wondering exactly what was going through the minds of his team when they put that up as an option to give him.

Jinhyuk stares back at Byungchan seriously, wrapping an arm around Jinwoo and pulling him in for some moral support. “Well? Explain.”

“Boss, this group of new trainees are some of the best we’ve had according to the team, along with some of the others who didn’t debut with Candy Boyz like Jinwoo and Dongpyo, this new group could be _the_ group of this generation,” Byungchan says, not a hint of a doubt in his voice. “They could be X1 Entertainment’s representative group, literally carrying the name to international success.”

It’s a big risk to take; Byungchan is right about them carrying the name, but if they fail then the company will fail right along with it. This name would be them placing all of their eggs in a single basket with no way to save them if they drop it.

But if they succeed? Well, Jinhyuk would be two hundred times richer than he already is. He could spoil Wooseok till the boy is drowning in clothes and jewels, he would never go hungry ever again.

Jinwoo is blinking at him from the crook of his shoulder with the most pleading look he’s ever seen, small hand holding his in an almost death grip. “I like it,” Jinhyuk finally nods, smirking at the thought of just how far he’ll shoot X1 Entertainment into the stratosphere of success with this move.

He’ll have to be even more thorough than he already is with the formation of this group then, he can’t leave even a single loose end to be tugged on and frayed. He can do this.

“Appa… Can I debut this time?” Jinwoo whispers and Jinhyuk is taken back to that day when he’d had to tell the boy he wouldn’t be debuting with the Candy Boyz after all, how Jinwoo had cried and cried and cried and there had been nothing Jinhyuk could say to make him feel better. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the skill because he did, he was just far too young.

Now? He’s still young, but old enough to not be too marred by the poisonous world that is fame.

Jinhyuk pats Jinwoo’s hair and smooths down a few cowlicks, affection swelling in him for this sweet, sweet boy. “I think you can, Haenami, but I’m gonna have to find some good people to take care of you in the group first, okay?”

Wooseok’s handsome face comes to mind immediately, the cat-like eyes he’s had the honour of staring into far too many times to count within the past few weeks alone almost haunting him.

Byungchan hadn’t allowed him into Wooseok’s second audition stage, claiming he’d be far too biased to objectively assess the boy, to which Jinhyuk only _half_ agreed. He’d still put his company first, of course, but that’s not to say he _wouldn’t_ have his hands under Wooseok’s shirt if he were left in the interview room alone with him for even just a minute.

Though, Jinhyuk can’t say much for Byungchan’s objectivity either judging by how the man had come out of the interview raving about how handsome Wooseok is and how he’s the ‘sweetest thing he’s ever seen besides Jinwoo’. Jinhyuk had been slightly jealous, only slightly. 

“Byungchan-ah, tell the trainers to start making notes on the outstanding ones and to focus more on those for now, I also want bi-daily progress videos from each of them for the next month and a half,” he instructs, already scheduling meetings with investors and shareholders in his head. Their debut will need to be spectacular, the most outstanding the country has ever seen and that needs money, lots of it.

He walks over to his desk and slides into his chair, grabbing his glasses and putting them on. He usually preferred contacts when going out to functions and meetings, but when he was just going about his day in the office he didn’t see the point. “Haenami, you gotta work hard too okay? If anyone else starts to perform better than you do I’ll have to cut you again, understand?”

Jinwoo nods solemnly, already standing up to take his leave. Jinhyuk grabs at the phone on his desk and dials Minju’s referral number, 1.5 rings passing before she answers. “Yes sir? What is it you need?”

“Call Seungyoun for me? It’s time for him to come home.”

Seungyoun had been out ‘discovering the world’ for the better part of the past two years (leaving coincidentally after the Candy Boyz had debuted). The two of them still kept in frequent contact, with Jinhyuk sharing his woes and his inability to churn out music like he once had with his friend. Though Seungyoun had been adamantly refusing to return to the company as a producer while they were still selling ‘shallow, meaningless music’ in the form of the Candy Boyz albums.

Well, they’re gone now, so Seungyoun is free to come back.

He can almost picture the blush forming on Minju’s cheeks at his words: she’s always had a tiny crush on the man.

“Are you going back to practice, Haenami?” he asks, running through his memory of Wooseok’s schedule. If he wasn’t mistaken, the boy should be in dance class now.

Jinwoo nods. “Yeah, do you wanna come see, Appa?” 

The young boy had started calling him Appa ever since Jinhyuk had unconsciously referred to him as being like his son to one of the staff, soaking up the attention and nicer treatment by the trainers as a result. Jinhyuk doesn’t mind, his trainers know when and when not to be strict anyways so a few extra candies here and there weren’t going to kill the boy.

“Yeah, I’ll come pop my head in, see how everything is going,” he replies, taking Jinwoo’s outstretched hand and letting the boy lead him to the dance studio where practice was being held. “How do you like the new trainees?” he asks as they walk hand in hand, the action not even given a second glance by any staff members passing by. He doubts this would go over the same way were it Wooseok, though.

Jinwoo beams at him. “I love them! They’re all so nice and friendly! Not like Soomin-hyung and Gibeom-hyung,” so even Jinwoo had known that those stupid Cracker Mates were no good, why hadn’t Jinhyuk done something about it sooner? “Wooseokie-hyung is really nice, he takes care of me during practice.”

At the sound of Wooseok’s name his heart gives a traitorous leap, an involuntary smile spreading on his face. Thank god Byungchan had left to go for another meeting with the creative team or he’d never hear the end of it. “Oh, has he?”

“Yeah, he keeps me company during vocal training because I’m slower than the rest,” Jinwoo tilts his head up at him. “He’s really good at singing.”

They reach the dance studio and Jinhyuk feels honestly rather betrayed at how quickly Jinwoo lets go of him to run to his new friends in the room, the group of boys calling out for him loudly enough to let Jinhyuk know he has gone unnoticed.

“Hyung!” Jinwoo shouts as he runs straight into a black-haired boy’s arms, almost knocking them both over with the intensity. Jinhyuk doesn’t recognise him until he looks up, meeting Jinhyuk’s gaze head on.

Kim Wooseok.

 _He hadn’t told me he was dyeing his hair_ , Jinhyuk sniffs to himself, feeling a little left out. Wooseok’s brown hair had grown out enough that his roots were starting to show, and he had mentioned to Jinhyuk that he wasn’t get it fixed and Jinhyuk had said he’d give him some money to get it done but Wooseok didn’t exactly tell him he was going _black_.

If the brown locks falling in his eyes as they kissed was enough to kill him, then black was going to send him straight down under from all the terribly terrible things going through his mind at the sight of it. Noticing him staring, Wooseok shoots him a shy, secretive smile, which of course is sufficient to send his heart into overdrive.

Why is a nineteen (soon twenty) year old boy able to do this to him? _Him_ , Lee Jinhyuk, the cold hearted bachelor, rejecting advances left and right! Oh what Seungyoun would say if he saw him now…

He peeks into the studio for far longer than he’d intended, watching the class through the glass door. He watches as two other boys, Hyeongjun and Yunseong if he recalls correctly, slowly go over the basic dance moves with Wooseok, teaching him step by step even as the rest of the class is moving forwards. 

Jinhyuk likes them already.

The trainees move out of their lines for a water break and Jinhyuk quickly ducks behind the wall before any of them notice him watching them, wondering exactly how he’s going to get those two on the debut list without looking biased. He recalls the way sweat had dripped from Wooseok’s newly dyed black hair as he walks back to his office, trying his very hardest not to think just howgood it’d look spread out on his sheets.

* * *

“FUCK!” Jinhyuk curses, sweeping all of the papers and pens on his table onto the carpeted floor. Jinhyuk stares at them, panting hard as they all crash to the ground with a dull thud. Frustration broils in his veins, setting his blood afire.

Why can’t he do this? Why? Why? _Why_?

The papers on the floor almost seem to mock him, the crossed out lines of lyrics and melodies a stark black against the white sheets. He hasn’t written a song for the past few months, and the songs he’d produced the months before that hadn’t quite been up to standard either. Is he losing his touch? 

Hot tears start to prick at his eyes and he rubs them away furiously, fists clenching at his sides. He’s a fucking failure; how can he continue on calling himself a genius producer and CEO if he can’t even write a stupid fucking song.

He grabs his coat from the sofa in his private recording studio, shrugging it on as he walks out of the building. It’s pretty late at night, with most of the staff having already clocked off and the only ones still left being himself and the night guard. The building is pretty close to the Han river so he doesn’t bother to take his car, braving the chill night and walking there instead.

The cool air does wonders for his rising temper, calming him down completely by the time he gets to his usual spot by the river. During the day the park is bright and sunny and full of people lazing about, but at night it is quiet, lit only by the surrounding streetlights and lamps. The bright neon of the city is reflected on the flowing water, still moving and working despite the late hour.

Jinhyuk takes a seat on the grass and stares out onto the city line, breathing in the fresh night air. He can hear crickets chirping by the water, the constant flow of the river lulling him into serenity. It is then that he starts to feel overwhelmingly, uncontrollably lonely.

He’d clawed his way up the industry, fought tooth and nail with older, more experienced CEOs, grovelled and begged for sponsorships and investors—and after all these years he’d finally made it, but now he’s starting to wonder what for. Back in UP10TION he’d been surrounded by brothers, comrades in arms that faced the media and paparazzi hand in hand. He’d succeeded, yes, but is he truly happier like this than he had been before?

Writing music until his fingers bled, riding an adrenaline high each time he went on stage, performing his heart and lungs and soul out every night in concert after concert; he’d been happy then, why had he chosen this path? This hard and lonely path, trusting no one but himself to make the best decisions for the company, watching face after face come and go…

He’s so, so _alone_.

Feeling on the verge of tears once more, Jinhyuk fishes his phone out from the pocket of his coat and dials the first number that comes to mind. The dial tone makes his hands tremble the longer it rings, and Jinhyuk is just about ready to start bawling like a complete _child_ in _public_ when the line is finally picked up.

“Hyung?” Wooseok sounds a little out of breath as he speaks, as if he’d just been exercising. “Jinhyuk? Are you okay? You’re not saying anything…”

Jinhyuk takes a deep, shaky breath to hold the tears back. “Wooseok-ah, could you come meet me?”

There’s the sound of a door being shut and switches flicked off. “Ah yes, of course, I’m at the company but I’m leaving now. Where are you?”

“Han river,” Jinhyuk whispers, not trusting his voice to not crack at any louder of a volume. “You just take the street down the right from the main entrance then make a right at the traffic light.” 

“Okay, wait for me, alright Hyung?” Wooseok says before ending the call, dropping him straight back into the silence of his own roaring emotions. The wind starts to pick up a little and blows at his hair, messing it up beyond what a quick comb through can fix but Jinhyuk just can’t bring himself to care.

Wooseok takes far longer than Jinhyuk had to get to the river (Jinhyuk credits this to his longer legs), collapsing next to him with a loud exhale. The rustle of plastic catches Jinhyuk’s attention and he turns to the black haired beauty beside him, eyeing the various bags he’s dropped down in front of him. In his hands are two large bowls of ramyeon, still steaming and smelling like the best damn thing Jinhyuk has ever smelled in his entire existence.

“Here, I got these for us,” Wooseok says, handing him one of the bowls. “I thought we could have a little late night picnic.”

Jinhyuk peers into the bag and feels his stomach cheer at the sheer amount of food Wooseok has bought. “How much did this all cost? I’ll pay you back-“

He’s reaching for his wallet when Wooseok leans over and grabs his wrist, his face inches away from Jinhyuk’s. He can feel the younger’s breath brushing his lips, their noses almost touching as Wooseok slowly pulls his hand away from his pocket. “No, I used the money you gave me last time, it’s okay.” 

Wooseok had been quite stubborn when it came to taking Jinhyuk’s money at first, flat out refusing most of the time and sneaking it back into his pockets the others. It had taken lots and _lots_ of kisses before Wooseok started to give into Jinhyuk’s fixated desire to spoil him, though still not treating himself as well as Jinhyuk would like. He’d gotten box dye to dye his hair black himself, as Jinhyuk had found out after spotting him in dance class, _box dye_!

The younger man had just told him to suck it up and not be so snobbish, but Jinhyuk just wanted the best for Wooseok’s beautiful hair.

“What did you bring?” he rifles through the bag, almost moaning out loud as the strong aroma of tteokbokki starts to waft through the air. “Oh my god, you’re an angel.”

Wooseok smirks in a way that tells him he already knows, pulling out the boxes of street food and laying it down on top of the empty bags on the grass. “Kim-tteok-sun, thought you might want something fatty and greasy and unhealthy on a night like this.”

The boy picks up a piece of tteokbokki with his chopsticks, waving it in front of Jinhyuk’s mouth. Jinhyuk obediently opens up, tastebuds exploding with the spicy-sweet taste of tteokbokki. His appetite now whetted, he grabs for his ramyeon and starts to devour it, slurping it with far less dignity and poise than a man of his age and standing probably should in a public setting. But it’s only Wooseok here, and Jinhyuk doesn’t mind setting down that mask for him.

“You know my heart, Wooseokie~” Jinhyuk sings in between mouthfuls of ramyeon and tteok, his cheeks ballooning out like a chipmunk. Wooseok is only picking at his food, pushing it around but hardly actually eating it. Jinhyuk frowns, “why aren’t you eating?”

Wooseok shrugs at him with a smile. “I’m just trying to watch my weight is all, we had a physical exam the other day and they said I was a little overweight for my height.” 

Jinhyuk almost throws down his ramyeon and grabs Wooseok’s shoulders, turning the boy to face him. “Which bastard was the one that said that to you? I’ll fire them right now,” he bites out, already reaching for his phone. He’s not joking; he thought he’d made sure to get rid of the stigma that idols needed to be stick thin or of a certain weight in his company, so why exactly was there some asshole telling _his_ Wooseok to lose weight?

“No, no, he just said that I had to cut down on my carbs a little and work out some more, he made sure to tell me not to starve myself,” Wooseok reassures him, setting down his own ramyeon and taking Jinhyuk’s face between his hands. “Don’t give me special treatment at the company, alright? I want to make it because of my own effort, not your favour.”

He still thinks that guy is a bloody bastard, though: Wooseok can have all the carbs he wants and then some. Wooseok is perfect to him, just right in every aspect, there’s absolutely _nothing_ in his adorable little body that needs to be changed. He’ll settle, for now, but that doesn’t guarantee he won’t be hunting this guy down and making his life a little more difficult than it needs to be. “Feed me.”

Wooseok laughs, large eyes narrowing into crescents. “Alright you big baby, open up-“

Jinhyuk leans forwards and presses his lips against Wooseok’s, his noses icy to the touch as they press against each other but he doesn’t care. Wooseok for all of his rules on PDA melts into the kiss right away, dropping his chopsticks back into their food and moving his lips slowly with his. It’s slow, soft and unlike any of the heated kisses they’d shared before, but Jinhyuk feels far more drunk on this one than any other kiss in his entire life. It’s like Wooseok’s lips are coated in liquid fire, filling his veins with warmth and setting his blood alight. 

He opens his eyes and pulls away just to look into Wooseok’s, heart thumping loudly at the sheer weight of emotion hidden behind those brown irises. He reconnects their lips, still moving them at the same leisurely pace as before, willingly walking into those flames and loving every second of it. This is what heaven must feel like, he thinks.

Eventually Wooseok is the one to break it, breath coming heavy from his mouth as he leans his forehead against Jinhyuk’s. “Is this what kissing is supposed to feel like?” he whispers, wetting his lips.

An ugly feeling rises in Jinhyuk’s chest, jagged claws digging into his lungs. “That depends, who have you kissed before?”

“No one that mattered,” Jinhyuk flushes at Wooseok’s insinuation that _he_ does, that rotten monster behind his ribs disappearing for now. “A girl from the class below mine, she had kissed me as a dare from her friends. There was a boy from my cram school, he’d wanted to experience kissing a boy at least once. I never felt anything kissing them, not like you.”

Jinhyuk kisses him again, addicted to the fireworks. Wooseok is like a drug to him, he’d had his first taste that night at the club, and every moment since without the boy his side felt like withdrawal. “Did you get lots of chocolate on Valentine’s Day?” he asks, picturing a younger Wooseok in his school uniform surrounded by girls holding heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. The image feels endearing to him, a warmth in his belly he can’t understand just yet.

Wooseok snorts, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. “Of course I did, far too many to count,” he gestures with his arms, “the girls would be waiting at the gates for me to arrive, I’d have two full bags before I even reached the school building.”

He rolls his eyes, though not doubting for a second that Wooseok was telling the truth.

“I never liked them though, the chocolate I mean,” Wooseok continues, tilting his head up to peer into the night sky. “I always just gave them to my friends to eat for me, Gyujin and Hwanhee were bottomless pits back then, now it’s always diet this and diet that.”

Jinhyuk smirks, pinching Wooseok’s precious little cheek and earning himself a smack from the younger. “Guess I’ll have to be the one to give you some chocolate that you actually like, huh?” 

The black haired boy sniffs indignantly. “We’ll see about that, I don’t think I’m a chocolate person.” 

“Every person is a chocolate person, you just need to find the right kind of chocolate.” 

Wooseok hums but doesn’t reply, still looking up at the sky with an unreadable expression on his delicate features. “Hyung, we should go somewhere, like a theme park or something,” he pauses, picking at his nails. “I’ve never been to one before, it’d be nice to go with you.”

Jinhyuk’s heart pangs at the mention of Wooseok’s unfortunate teen-hood, the slight pout on the boy’s lips almost enough to make him give in.

But they can’t. Coming to the Han river at 11pm at night to eat ramyeon is one thing, but getting spotted together at a theme park _alone…_ Especially when Wooseok is most likely making the debut list for their new group… Jinhyuk can’t risk the scandal that could break out if they were caught.

“Wooseok-ah… You know we can’t-“

“I know I know, I just, just thought it’d be fun, you know…” Wooseok cuts him off, gaze falling to his hands cupped together on his lap. The boy looks so much like a lost puppy that Jinhyuk’s heart actually _aches_ at the sight, and they’re both left to finish their food in silence while Jinhyuk wonders when exactly Wooseok had wormed his way so deep into it.

Even after he’s dropped Wooseok back at the dorm’s apartment building with a kiss goodbye, Jinhyuk can’t quite erase the memory of the disappointment shining in Wooseok’s eyes.

* * *

“This is a real genius move, boss, how’d you think of it?” Byungchan asks, watching as all of their male trainees and their staff load their luggages unto the huge bus they’d rented for the occasion. Jinhyuk could spot Jinwoo’s tiny form with his humongous suitcase a mile away, the boy obviously struggling to get the bag into the bottom compartment that stored all of the others. A taller boy, Yoman or Yohan or something, moves forward and grabs the handle from him, helping him lift it up and shove it into the gap between two other suitcases. Jinwoo beams at him in thanks, the boy’s eyes crinkling up in a grin in return.

“Ah Byungchannie, haven’t you learnt by now that our boss is just a walking ball of genius and talent?” his friend and top vocal trainer Han Seungwoo hums, an arm slung over the casting director’s shoulder.

Jinhyuk shoots the duo a glare, injecting as much venom as he can into the look as possible. “I am _far_ from a _ball_ , excuse you both very much.”

“Ball, stick, donkey, whatever,” Byungchan waves them both off and Seungwoo guffaws loudly enough to draw some of the trainees’ attention. “Still, planning an MT for the trainees to try and see who works together the best _as well_ as shoot some pre-debut promotional videos? Absolute _Einstein_ you are, boss.”

It hadn’t been easy, it’d been a solid three days of non-stop phone calls and bookings and bank transfers but eventually, Jinhyuk had managed to do it. He’d booked them a lodge out in the countryside to stay in for four days as a sort of test of chemistry disguised as a team-bonding excursion, and he’d even gotten them cameramen and other things that would give them activities to do during that time. 

“I’m sitting next to Wooseok-hyung!” a boy he can’t quite recall the name of shouts from the line into one of the buses, brown hair falling in his eyes as he jumps up to wrap himself around Wooseok’s shoulders. Jinhyuk ignores the twist of jealousy that sprouts in his stomach, telling himself that it’s a good thing that Wooseok is fitting in well with the others, that those boys are no competition for him. 

But aren’t they, though? All younger and closer to Wooseok’s age, able to go out in public together without risk of scandal… If that isn’t competition then what is? 

Jinhyuk watches as Wooseok laughs, letting that brown haired boy hold his hand and lead him into the bus to sit together. He tries to not acknowledge just why that hurts him so much.

He and the other trainers are on Bus A, and after ensuring that all of the trainees are securely buckled (locked) into their respective seats they move to find their own places to sit. Jinhyuk ends up sitting by himself, an arrangement which he doesn’t mind in the slightest as he glances back to how Seungwoo is basically being strangled to death by Byungchan’s overly affectionate hugs. He pops his earphones in and scrolls through Spotify, a familiar song popping up in his recommended list.

‘To My Youth’ by Bolbbalgan4, the song Wooseok had sung at his audition. He presses play and turns off his screen, leaning his head back into the seat and closing his eyes. The sweet voices of the girls flows into his ears; he thinks Wooseok’s version is much better, though that might be bias talking.

He doesn’t even realise he’s drifted off to sleep until Seungwoo is patting his shoulder to wake him up, a soft smile contrasting the sharp lines of his face. Seungwoo has always been a good hyung to him, taking care of him all the way back during his days in UP10TION. Jinhyuk sighs deeply before standing up, ignoring the way some of his joints pop as he does. It’s normal stiffness from sleep, not because he’s growing old, not at all.

“We’re here, Jinhyuk-ah, I’m sure there’s a nice cafe us old men can rest in while the kids run wild,” Seungwoo jokes as they walk off the bus, the bright colours of Everland appearing before their eyes. Their bus arrived a few minutes earlier than the others, so Jinhyuk has the full satisfaction of seeing the absolute _joy_ lighting up in Wooseok’s eyes as he steps off his bus, taking in their surrounding with slack-jawed awe.

He turns his head towards Jinhyuk sharply, meeting his eyes with disbelief. The park staff are gathered by the entrance to greet them, as they should, seeing as how Jinhyuk has rented the whole park out for the entire day. It hadn’t been cheap, with only a few discounts for the free advertisement in the promotional videos they’re going to film here, but just the smile on Wooseok’s face is enough for Jinhyuk to feel it had been worth every penny.

Jinhyuk calls one of the cameramen who already has his equipment set up over, gesturing towards Wooseok (though trying to make it look like he’s pointing as the group of trainees as a whole) with an expectant stare. The cameraman gets the message and is quickly snapping away; Jinhyuk can only hope that he gets a few good ones of Wooseok for him to keep after this, maybe even to set as his phone wallpaper if he feels brave enough.

Wooseok is dressed in the long brown coat Jinhyuk had bought for him just a week back when the younger had mentioned leaving most of his cold-weather clothing at his parents’ house, braving the rapidly chilling air in only sweaters and jackets most of the time. Upon hearing this, Jinhyuk had dragged him into the first clothing store he’d found (which had only just happened to be Armani Exchange) and bought him a coat.

This isn’t to say that this ‘buying of coat’ went without complaint, in fact Wooseok had complained from the moment they entered the store that it was ‘too expensive’ and that he ‘couldn’t afford it’ and that ‘a cheap coat from the underground malls would be more than sufficient’. Jinhyuk had pretended not to hear him, falling in love with how the long brown coat had looked on his younger lover the moment he had (unwillingly) put it on.

Wooseok gets tackled by Jinwoo as the younger boy literally leaps off of the steps of his own bus into Wooseok’s arms, Jinwoo clinging to him with absolute _adoration_ in his eyes as he chatters excitedly with wild arm movements. Wooseok tosses his head back and laughs at whatever it was that Jinwoo had said, shoulders shaking with the force of it.

“Beautiful,” Jinhyuk whispers, watching Wooseok walk into the park hand in hand with the other trainees.

Seungwoo cocks up an eyebrow at him. “Did you say something?”

Jinhyuk disguises his slip-up as a cough, not daring to meet the elder’s eyes. “Nope, must have been the wind.”

The vocal coach still looks a little suspicious as they follow behind the trainees into the park, his eyes narrowed in a way that has Jinhyuk panicking. Unlike when Byungchan had noticed his little obsession with Wooseok, he doesn’t doubt for a second that Seungwoo will put him back in his place if he does (quite violently as well).

No, Seungwoo can most definitely _not_ find out.

“APPA!” he hears Jinwoo call out from the distance (or at least he hopes it’s Jinwoo, if it’s anyone else he’ll kill them). “Come with us on the T-Express!”

Jinwoo appears seemingly out of nowhere in front of him, pulling at his sleeve with one hand and pointing at the humongous roller coaster looming in front of them with the other. Jinhyuk feels his mouth go dry, that thing is very, _very_ high. 

“Uh… I’m not too sure about that, Haenami…” he mutters, eyes still wide and mildly (extremely) horrified at the thought of getting on that death trap. Seungwoo, noticing his terror, lets out a loud snort _completely_ unbefitting of his age.

“Getting too old for rollercoasters, boss? Scared the old knees will give out?” Seungwoo teases, wagging his eyebrows. How dare he; Jinhyuk is not _scared_ , he is only _slightly_ _concerned_ about the safety of the ride is all.

Suddenly, much to Jinhyuk’s despair, Wooseok pops up from behind Jinwoo with a mischievous grin. “Why don’t you join us, CEO-nim, it’ll be fun.”

Soon he’s surrounded by a bunch of kids more than 10 years younger than him, whining and pleading for him to go with them on the rollercoaster with aegyo that has his heart melting. He can’t give in, no, stay strong Jinhyuk…

He gives in.

But he’s not going down alone, and judging by how all colour has drained out of Seungwoo and Byungchan’s faces, they know it too.

This is going to an interesting day.

* * *

In total, Jinhyuk has been dragged onto at least twenty different rides by the time night starts to fall, the kids still going strong even as the lights in the park start to flare to life. The park is huge, which is exactly the reason why Jinhyuk has managed to finally get away from the energetic children to catch his breath. He will not admit to hiding behind a bench while they searched for him, only coming out once they’d given up and moved on to whatever ride had caught their fancy next. 

Jinhyuk is sitting on said bench right now, stomach churning from the mixture of ice cream and rollercoasters he’d been forced to endure that day. He knows he’s a pretty young CEO by CEO standards, and that he’s a lot more chill with the trainees than most others, but that doesn’t mean he can survive an entire day running around with a bunch of teenagers without feeling his lower back starting to ache. 

He’s honestly a little surprised he’s still alive at all; the last time he’d seen Seungwoo was when the older man had been dragged off onto yet another rollercoaster by Dongpyo, looking very much like he had been wishing for death’s sweet release. Byungchan had volunteered to accompany the kids to the water rides (despite the temperature, the selfless soul) and hadn’t returned, Jinhyuk can only hope he hadn’t fallen in and drowned.

Far too much paperwork, and he’d have to look for _yet_ _another_ casting director. 

No, no, Jinhyuk simply does not have the time for that.

“CEO-nim?”

Jinhyuk _shrieks_ and dives back behind the bench, trembling from head to toe.

They’ve found him again, they’re going to pull him onto another roller coaster and he’s really going to puke up his mint chocolate ice cream and—

Wooseok’s face appears mere inches away from his, an amused glint in his eyes. Jinhyuk almost vomits right then and there, the sheer anxiety he’d experienced just seconds ago too much for his body to handle. He’s the CEO, why is he living in fear of his trainees?

“It’s just me, Hyung, the kids are in Zootopia, you’re safe,” Wooseok whispers, patting Jinhyuk’s hair comfortingly.

Jinhyuk leans his face into the crook of Wooseok’s neck, breathing in the smell he’s come to know so well. Wooseok smells like grapefruit and sea salt, the fragrance a little fruitier than what is generally considered manly but Jinhyuk loves it, loves burying his face in Wooseok’s skin and breathing him in.

“You say that like I know where the hell Zootopia is,” Jinhyuk jokes, still nosing at Wooseok’s neck. Wooseok giggles at the contact, squirming away slightly but still keeping Jinhyuk within reach. 

“Right, right, my bad,” Wooseok laughs, then moves his mouth in close to Jinhyuk’s ear, “but they’re far, _far_ away, do you know what that means?”

Jinhyuk shrugs, playing along. “No I don’t, care to enlighten me?”

Wooseok stands up then, taking Jinhyuk’s hand in his and pulling him up. “It means that you’re going on the ferris wheel with me,” Wooseok says softly, tentatively, almost as if he’s worried that Jinhyuk will reject him. As if Jinhyuk could ever do that, he doesn’t think he’s even physically capable of doing so.

So they walk, Wooseok letting go of his hand once they’re in view of the various workers manning the rides. The workers had seen him running around with various trainees all day so they don’t even bat an eye at the sight of him and Wooseok together, a rare occasion that he doubts they’ll ever experience again, especially if— _Once_ Wooseok debuts.

The two of them get into a carriage without much fuss, the guy running it looking so bored out of his mind that he doesn’t even look up at them as they pass him and get in. Night has fallen completely by this point, the rides and the streets completely lit up as they move slowly up into the air.

Wooseok has his face pressed up against the glass, peering out onto the park with a look akin to wonder. “Did you enjoy yourself today?” Jinhyuk asks once Wooseok sits back down, face still flushed red with happiness.

The boy nods quickly, complete and utter delight painted across his features. “I think it’s one of the best days of my entire life,” Wooseok whispers, gratitude in his tone as he looks at him. “Thank you, Jinhyuk.”

It’s then that they reach the peak, the wheel coming to a pause once they’re at the highest point (no doubt the doing of the worker, seeing as how the two of them are the only ones on). The lights in the park look absolute stunning from way up high, glimmering and glistening in stark contrast to the dark of the night. Wooseok’s face is bathed in it, the bright reds and pinks from the ferris wheel making him look like an angel if Jinhyuk has ever seen one.

“Why are you staring?” Wooseok asks, though the look in his eyes tells Jinhyuk he knows the answer already.

“Because you’re beautiful.” 

Wooseok moves from his seat across from Jinhyuk to sit beside him instead. “I think you’re beautiful too,” is all he says before their lips meet, just as slow and passionate as it had been that night by the Han river. Jinhyuk reaches up to cup the boy’s face in his hands, running his thumbs over his cheeks and holding him close. Wooseok’s own arms settle around Jinhyuk’s waist, hugging him so tightly as if he were afraid to let him go. 

He hears the sound of fireworks in the distance but he doesn’t move an inch, still moulding his lips to Wooseok’s like his very life depends on it, that he’d perish into nothingness if Wooseok were to stop kissing him. He thinks he will; he never wants Wooseok to stop kissing him.

They keep kissing until the ride begins to move again, breaking apart with heavy pants and blown pupils. Wooseok’s hair is mussed up from Jinhyuk’s fingers running through it, his lips parted as he struggles to catch his breath.

It is that very moment that Jinhyuk wishes, for the very first time since he’d first stepped onto a stage, that he were simply a normal man. If he were, then Wooseok wouldn’t be hurriedly fixing his hair before they reach the ground. If he were, then he’d be holding Wooseok’s hand all the way through the park to the exit. If he were, then he’d be telling everyone he knows about the beautiful boy he’s let into his heart.

But he’s not. He’s Lee Jinhyuk.

And Kim Wooseok will never be his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW this chapter was a freaking monster hahahaha it's one of the longest chapters I've ever written in my life but it's so worth it. I'm sorry for the bit of angst at the end but it just had to be done <3 I feel like this chapter highlights a huge development in Wooseok and Jinhyuk's relationship and I really hope you all enjoyed it! I'm still very much in love with this fic and will be updating pretty quickly hahaha. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review and some kudos if you like, it really makes my day!
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for the occasional fic update!


	4. I'm Not That Naive

_“I want to see you more,” Jinhyuk says, his voice low through the speakers of his phone. Wooseok’s heart is thudding at a million beats per second in his chest as he holds the phone up to his ear, his mouth dry. He’d gotten a text from an unknown number earlier that evening, almost about to delete it when the sender had introduced himself as Lee Jinhyuk._

_Wooseok figures that he’d gotten his number from the form he’d filled in for the audition, but he hadn’t been expecting to actually receive a call from the taller man so quickly after their interaction in the bathrooms. “I want to see you too,” his mouth moves before his brain does, the words slipping from his lips before he can give them a second thought._

_And so he does._

_Jinhyuk is dressed in a white turtleneck the first time they meet outside of a lavatory, his black coat tossed over the back of his chair. His grey hair is parted down the middle to expose his forehead, his eyes deep and just as stunning as Wooseok remembers them to be. The elder is sporting a pair of thick black glasses that are supposedly meant to be concealing his identity, but all they’re doing is making Wooseok’s stomach do all sorts of funny flips and he’s not sure whether or not he likes it._

_The cafe they’ve met in is near deserted, with only the bored looking owner sitting behind the counter where Wooseok had made their order. Jinhyuk has his back to him as a precaution, though, with Wooseok’s face much less recognisable and hence being the one to face both the owner and the door._

_“So, how’s the dorms? I heard that you’d all moved in yesterday, right?” Jinhyuk asks, taking a sip of his coffee. Wooseok tries to shake off the heavy awkwardness that has fallen between them, the easy banter and equally easy kisses in the bathrooms not quite transferring over to actual human interaction that well._

_Wooseok shrugs, recalling the simple two bedroom apartment he and five other boys had moved into just the previous day. One of the boys had taken quite a liking to him almost immediately, following him around like a rather adorable puppy and insisting on rooming with him. Jungmo is a sweet boy, often crawling to Wooseok for cuddles both in the dorms and during classes at the company as well. Wooseok can’t get irritated though, growing more and more attached to the younger as the days go by._

_“They’re nice, not quite what I’d had in mind when I thought of finding a place of my own, but it’s nice in a different way, I think,” Wooseok rambles, fiddling with his fork and stabbing lightly at the small slice of cake Jinhyuk had insisted he get despite it costing more than a full meal from a convenience store. “It’s nice to always have people around, it’ll never get lonely that’s for sure.”_

_Jinhyuk hums. “Yeah, I remember from my days with my group.”_

_“How was being in your group?” Wooseok asks, heart warming at the sight of the nostalgia and affection brimming in Jinhyuk’s eyes. He must miss them, he thinks._

_“Well, we had a pretty unique debut concept that basically all of us were talented from birth and therefore only had 10 months of training, so we pretty much had a set fanbase straight from debut and it was smooth sailing from there.”_

_Wooseok almost sighs out loud from relief at the slowly fading awkwardness, Jinhyuk getting more animated the more they talk. “Were you all close?” he wonders, thinking of himself back in high school with Yein, Gyujin, and Hwanhee. They’d been like a small family, back then, giving Wooseok all the love and support he’d never received from his own._

_Jinhyuk beams and nods. “Yeah, like brothers, I was the closest to Seungyeon and Sooil, I even lost my first kiss to him back when I was 18!”_

_Wooseok gasps and demands further explanation from him on the situation, watching in amusement as Jinhyuk starts to excitedly recount all sorts of funny stories from his days as an idol. He ends up feeding Jinhyuk bites of cake across the table, blushing when Jinhyuk does the same._

_He won’t ever admit it, but that had been the best first date Wooseok could have ever hoped for._

_They’re sitting in the back of Jinhyuk’s car, the older man’s arms around his waist, their lips about to touch and—_

“hyUnG!” Wooseok jerks awake as the door to his shared room in the lodge is slammed open, the sound shocking awake each of the room’s inhabitants with loud curses and groans. The reason? Lee Jinwoo, standing in the now open doorway with a phone clutched in his hand. “Wooseok-hyung has gone viral!” 

Jungmo, who had somehow ended up from his own bed cuddled up to Wooseok in his, is the first to get up. He stumbles tiredly over to Jinwoo and peers blearily at the screen, eyes widening when he has confirmed that Wooseok has, in fact, gone viral. “Hyung hyung hyung hyung hyung hyung! You’re trending number one on Naver!”

Soon all the boys in the room are out of bed and crowded around the tiny Jinwoo and his phone, leaning over heads and shoulders to get a good look. Minhee waves him over with a beckoning hand, hopping up and down on the spot in excitement. Wooseok moves through the crowd to stand beside Jinwoo who hands him the phone obediently, coming face to face with many, many pictures of himself in various articles of clothing.

The trainees had all conducted an impromptu fashion show the previous night in the lounge, moving the various sofas and tables out of the way to clear a space for a runway. The cameramen that had been following them around since Everland had been snapping away the entire time, but Wooseok hadn’t expected any of the pictures to go live so quickly. 

The main picture of his that had gone viral was one of him in a large white button up with a long black ribbon tied over the collar and trailing down the front of shirt. His face had been turned towards the side looking at something outside of the frame with a soft, wistful smile on his lips. Wooseok’s face flames up, remembering exactly what it was that had drawn that kind of expression out of him.

It had been the one and only Lee Jinhyuk, sitting at the dining table with the other staff and watching the fashion show. He had felt his stare and had turned to look at him, though he hadn’t realised at the time what his face had been doing at the sight of the older man. His heart races, hoping beyond hope that no one was putting together the pieces.

“Everyone is dying to know who the ‘Disney Prince trainee’ of X1 Entertainment is, Hyung!” Jungmo cheers, scrolling through the rest of the pictures featured. Wooseok doesn’t know how long they all stand there, crowded in the doorway and somewhat spilling out into the hall, making a lot more noise than they should at that early of an hour.

It turns out that the company had uploaded all of their pictures from the past few days onto the homepage of their website as well as twitter and instagram, including a horribly embarrassing shot of him clinging onto Minhee and Jungmo for dear life on the swinging ship ride at Everland as he screams. There were hundreds and thousands of comments on all of the pictures, with some more well received than others.

As the boys disperse and head off in their separate ways to get dressed and ready for the day, Wooseok pulls out his phone and winces at the sheer number of messages from Yein and Gyujin on the pictures. The messages mainly consist of voice messages from Yein screaming nonsensically and Gyujin calling him a pretty boy but they warm Wooseok’s heart anyways, he’s sure he’ll receive some from Hwanhee too once the boy is finally out of bed.

“Minhee-yah~” he calls out to the boy, leaning back onto the side of his bed and turning his head towards him. Minhee is midway through pulling a white t-shirt on over his head, so he has to peer through one of the arm holes to meet Wooseok’s eyes. 

“Yeah, Hyung?” Minhee grins, finally slipping on the shirt properly. It’s truly unfair just how good he looks despite the fact he’d literally just fallen out of bed; no pimples, no dark eye circles, nothing! Wooseok tries to recall if he’d looked that good when he was Minhee’s age, sighing sadly to himself as he realises he probably didn’t.

Wooseok gestures towards his suitcase. “Do you know what we’re doing today? I don’t wanna pick anything too nice if we’re gonna get dirty and muddy again.”

The first day they’d spent at the lodge after arriving the night before was at this old traditional style village a twenty minute drive from the place, where they’d all had the chance to make tofu and cook it for their own lunch. It had been quite messy, and unfortunately Jinwoo’s coat had gotten a little dirty by the end of it much to the younger boy’s dismay. 

But hey, if they’re ever starving and all they can afford is soybeans and lemon juice then they’re all set.

That afternoon after they’d returned from the village they were given about half an hour to wash up and rest before the night activities, which had consisted of plenty of team building games that had led to more laughter than actual progress. Wooseok himself had laughed himself hoarse watching Eunsang crawl in the opposite direction to Seungwoo (who had been unwillingly dragged into the games by Dongpyo) while the latter had screamed at him to come to him.

Wooseok had quickly understood Seungwoo’s pain during one of the following games where Eunsang had had a pair of noise-cancelling headphones on with words that Wooseok had to basically scream at him to get him to repeat. Wooseok shudders at the memory, recalling the blank, innocent look in Eunsang’s eyes. They had sounded like aliens…

The highlight of the night had definitely been the candle game, with each team sending up a representative to try and blow out as many candles as they could with a baseball bat. He doesn’t remember much of it, only a few of the highlights such as Yohan’s taekwondo kick version and Dohyun’s surprising 16 candles.

Then Jinhyuk had emerged from his room, hair wet and freshly showered. Jinwoo had immediately pounced on him, pulling him to the candle setup to try his luck. On Jinhyuk’s first try, he hadn’t even managed to blow out a single candle, much to the humour of all the trainees. He’d been given a second try though, and had blown out all 20 of the candles in one long swing.

Wooseok would be lying if he said that it hadn’t turned him on _immensely_.

“I think we’re just going to do some training then we’re shooting the performance video after lunch,” Minhee replies after checking the schedule their managers had given them upon arrival at the lodge. Wooseok had tossed his into his bag somewhere and hadn’t see it since, figures that Minhee would be one to keep it neatly folded for easy reference. 

So nothing too fancy, then. Wooseok slips on a black t-shirt and some jeans, grabbing his brown Armani coat from the coat rack by the door and pulling it on. Jungmo joins him and Minhee on their way down to the dining hall, squirming his way in between them and gripping onto both of them tightly. Jungmo and Minhee apparently knew each other from school, hence their pre-existing closeness. How the both of them had managed to latch themselves so thoroughly onto him, Wooseok will never know. 

Breakfast is an easy affair, helping Jinwoo cut up his pancakes and feeling his heart melt into a puddle of Wooseok-goo as Jinhyuk passes by and feeds the younger boy a piece. Wooseok can’t help but feel a teeny bit jealous at the interaction, resenting the fact that Jinhyuk would never be able to do the same for him.

After breakfast they’re split into their class groups for some vocal and dance training, taking advantage of the wide open hills to really work on their vocal projection. Wooseok’s voice will probably feel a little hoarse tomorrow because of all the shouting he’s doing but he doesn’t care, he feels himself improving day by day and that’s all that matters to him. He will _not_ let himself debut purely because of his looks, he has to make sure he’s actually worthy first.

Then they’re back in the dining hall for a quick lunch, the hot kimchi stew filling their bellies and warming their well-worked throats. Wooseok barely glances at his food the entire meal, far too preoccupied with watching the way Jinhyuk’s throat bobs with each swallow of stew. Jinhyuk has been refusing to properly _touch_ him since they’d started whatever it was that they were doing, constantly reminding Wooseok that he was still underage and that he could go to jail for doing anything more than just kissing.

But Wooseok is turning twenty tomorrow, and Jinhyuk won’t have anymore excuse to treat him like a child. He can’t say that he doesn’t feel inferior sometimes, when Jinhyuk splurges on him for clothes or food, or when Jinhyuk gets carried away talking about business and life experiences that Wooseok just can’t understand.

For the first time ever, Wooseok just wants to grow up faster, to be a man that Jinhyuk can proudly and openly claim as his own. The age gap between them will never disappear but Wooseok doesn’t care, it doesn’t mean anything to him.

Once they’ve finished their food they’re all rushed into hair and makeup for the performance video shoot, Wooseok being poked and prodded by brushes and sprays in a way he’s never been before. Even Yein’s insistent makeovers have never felt quite this intense, and by the time Wooseok is standing by the wall fully dressed in a white sweater and black ripped jeans he’s not quite sure exactly how he got there at all.

He looks over at the temporary makeup stations their stylists have set up in the lounge, watching Minhee and Hyeongjun be similarly manhandled into their costumes while Jungmo and Yohan’s are being literally _beaten_ with makeup sponges. 

It would be funnier if he weren’t out of breath himself from the whole process. A new wave of respect for their stylists rises in his chest; getting so many boys prettied up and dressed is no easy task.

They’d all been practicing for this performance long before the MT had been announced, fully prepared to shoot back in Seoul. He and his class group had finished recording the song just days before they were scheduled to leave, the mystery producer who was in charge of their song finishing up the mixing and sending over the finished piece in record time. His class is performing a cover remix of one of UP10TION’s old songs ‘White Night’, an orchestral version of the original electronic based song.

Wooseok might be biased, but he thinks his class has the best song out of all the rest.

Their class is the last group to perform because their director had wanted the setting to be at night, and he along with Minhee and the rest of their class walk out onto the lawn where they’re meant to film not even ten minutes after the previous group has left. Wooseok is shocked at the sight of the huge blowup pool they’ve somehow set up and filled within ten minutes, the various lights and cameras all already set up around the area. 

“Are we going to be dancing in _that,_ Hyung?” Jinwoo asks, staring at the pool with barely concealed suspicion. It does look a little dangerous, one wrong step and someone could be slipping and cracking their head open. Wooseok gulps; if he slips and messes up Jinhyuk will _never_ take him seriously. Their choreography includes quite a few spins and jumps (aka slipping hazards) but Wooseok _cannot_ screw up, he _will_ _not_ screw up.

He nods as their managers calls for them to enter the shallow pool, wincing as the cold water enters his shoes immediately. “Be careful, okay everyone?” he calls out to the class, taking his role as the eldest pretty seriously. The kids all look up to him, always coming to him for advice and help despite them being far more well versed in the art of being an idol themselves. He has to set a good example for them, he has to be a grown up, both for them _and_ for himself.

The kids shout their assent as they move into their positions, the familiar piano intro of the ‘White Night’ remix flooding into the clearing. The water makes it a lot harder to move as they had back in the dance studio at the company, their shoes not providing even the slightest of grips on the slippery latex material of the pool. 

“Ah!” Hyeongjun shouts suddenly as he lands from a jump wrong, his feet sliding out from under him. He lands with a heavy thump onto the floor and the director immediately calls for the other cameras to cut, looking far more annoyed with them than he should be. He’s the one who wants them to dance in this stupid pool anyways, he doesn’t have the right to be so pissed off with them for slipping and injuring themselves.

Wooseok rushes over to Hyeongjun and pulls him up, looking him over for any blood or injuries. “Are you okay?” he asks, heart aching at the boy’s shivering form. Despite being the same age as Minhee, Hyeongjun looks quite decidedly younger than the former, still retaining most of his baby fat in his cheeks. The water has gone icy cold pretty quickly in the autumn weather, their clothes almost entirely soaked through from all the kicking and splashing.

He can feel his own body shaking from the cold too, and it’s only through sheer force of will that his teeth aren’t chattering.

Hyeongjun sniffs loudly and nods, rubbing at his tailbone with a wince. “Yeah, just a bruise I think, Hyung.”

The director yells at them to get back into positions and Woosoek resists the urge to shoot him a glare; if only Jinhyuk were here… 

He checks one more time that Hyeongjun is fine before gesturing to the rest of the kids to move back to their spots, calming the anger that has risen up in him from that asshole of a director. They need to wrap this up quickly before any of the other smaller kids gets hypothermia, the temperature is already starting to drop the further they go into night time.

Wooseok hasn’t been dancing for long but he’s been putting in extra hours at the company than most of the other trainees since he isn’t in school and has all the time in the world to practice until he’s perfected whatever moves he’s been taught. The top dancers in their class, Hyeongjun and Yunseong, help him a lot too, always willing to break down complicated steps to him no matter how busy they are. He thinks he’s definitely improved since his audition, but it’s in this performance video that he’s going to prove it once and for all. 

This time they get through the entire song without a single mistake, finishing the dance on one knee on the ground. His jeans are completely soaked at this point, and Wooseok has to resist pulling on his boxers to readjust the uncomfortably clinging fabric. His hair is a mess too, but he supposes that adds to the whole look of the shoot. The director finally lets them go after one more round, just to ensure if there were any minor mistakes in the previous one there’d still be footage to salvage it.

Wooseok is the first out of the pool, standing at the edge to help Jinwoo and the other kids out safely. He ushers them all back into the lounge quickly, reminding them to remove their shoes before running to the showers. Everyone is shivering and shaking at this point, faces pale and lips starting to go blue. He spots Jinhyuk in his usual spot at the main dining table with his laptop in front of him but he doesn’t stop to look much more than that, focusing on getting all the kids warm and dried first before anything else.

What he does stop for is to shoot one last glare at the director who is perfectly dry himself, strolling into the lounge like he hadn’t basically frozen 12 kids to death just moments ago. If Jinwoo or Hyeongjun or Minhee let out even a _cough_ tomorrow, Wooseok is going to find this guy and _throw_ him into the big lake outside the lodge.

* * *

The big grandfather clock in the lounge chimes loudly at the stroke of midnight, the sound muffled through the walls of the room he and the other trainees are staying in. The other boys remain fast asleep, tired out from the hours of filming. But Wooseok hadn’t been sleeping, he’d been waiting. Now that it’s midnight, that means that Wooseok is officially an adult.

His heart is pounding hard at the thought of what he’s about to do, his stomach in knots as he slowly creeps out of his bed and rifles through his bags for the things he had brought from home just for this occasion. This could possibly end terribly, terribly badly, but it could also end with Jinhyuk never looking at him as a little kid ever again, and Wooseok is hoping for the latter.

The hallways are dark and silent as he pads his way through them, avoiding any of the creaky floorboards he’s made mental notes of exactly for this reason. He slips out the front door into the chilly night, grabbing his phone and shooting a quick text to Jinhyuk. He knows that Jinhyuk is a night owl and doesn’t sleep till at least 2am, so he should reply pretty quickly. 

_‘Meet me in the woods.’_ he presses send, heart beating in his throat as he waits for Jinhyuk to reply. The little blue tick pops up and Wooseok lets out an audible sigh of relief; at least this meant that Jinhyuk was actually awake and hadn’t spontaneously decided to sleep early the night before they’re scheduled to go back home.

 _‘Why?’_ Jinhyuk’s reply reads, and Wooseok smiles to himself imagining Jinhyuk’s eyebrows raising in confusion at his cryptic message.

 _‘Just meet me there’_ he sends before trudging off towards the small forest that surrounds the lodge, knowing that Jinhyuk would be joining him shortly. The older man, despite any confusion regarding his instructions, isn’t one to leave someone out in the cold alone.

Wooseok is leaning against a tree trying to calm his breathing down before Jinhyuk arrives when he catches a reflection of light out of the corner of his eye: the glass door to the lodge being opened. It is then that the panic starts to hit him: what if Jinhyuk thinks he’s being stupid, what if someone catches them, what if—

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Wooseok has to clap a hand over his mouth to not scream and wake up the entire building, his heart literally leaping out of his chest and falling into the brush by his feet in shock. Jinhyuk is here, looking just as handsome as always despite the late hour. He’s clad in his coat and a pair of warm looking Frozen patterned pyjama pants, and Wooseok can’t help but let out a little giggle at the sight of them.

Jinhyuk’s stern face softens at the sound and he pulls Wooseok into a hug, cradling his head to his chest in a way that has Wooseok _melting_. The affectionate skinship from Jinhyuk had come to him as a bit of a surprise when they’d first started _hanging out_ , but through their time together Woosoek has come to absolutely adore the way Jinhyuk touches him like he’s the most precious thing in the world.

“I just wanted to see you,” he replies, tiptoeing to give Jinhyuk a quick peck on the lips. “And besides, do you see what date it is?”

Jinhyuk frowns and whips out his phone, checking for the date. His eyes widen to an almost degree as he realises. “Oh my god, happy birthday Wooseok-ah!” he leans down and plants large, wet kisses all over Wooseok’s face, pausing at his lips to nip at it. Wooseok moans at the contact, the absence of Jinhyuk’s closeness for the past three days now blatantly obvious. He hasn’t realised just how dependant he’s become on the older man’s company until it had been taken away, like a drug away from an addict.

And Wooseok is. Addicted to Jinhyuk, that is.

“I’m an adult, Jinhyuk,” he whispers, holding onto the front of the man’s shirt and pressing their bodies together. “You can touch me now.”

Jinhyuk’s eyes darken immediately at Wooseok’s words, tilting his chin up and kissing him soundly. Wooseok’s lips part as he moans and Jinhyuk takes this chance to deepen the kiss, their tongues moving together languidly in a way that has Wooseok’s knees trembling. He _wants_ him, more desperately than he’s ever wanted something in his life.

Their hands are roaming freely now, not confined within the chains of the law any longer. Daringly, Wooseok slips his hand under Jinhyuk’s thin t-shirt and rakes his nails down the muscle he finds there, he doesn’t let himself think twice before running a finger lightly over Jinhyuk’s nipple. Jinhyuk groans into the kiss and his hands dig into the soft flesh of Wooseok’s waist, pulling him ever closer. 

This is his chance, he can’t let Jinhyuk just go back to his room after a quick makeout session like he always does. 

“I want you,” he says, trying not to let the blush on his cheeks grow too prominent. He hopes Jinhyuk gets the message, he doesn’t trust his voice to not waver if he has to spell it out for him. Jinhyuk’s eyes narrow and he starts to pull away; Wooseok can’t let him go now!

Time for his backup plan. 

Wooseok drops to his knees in front of Jinhyuk and reaches for the drawstring holding his pyjama pants up, trying his very best to not let his hands visibly tremble. He can do this, he can do this, he can do this… 

“Wooseok, what are you—“ Jinhyuk’s breath catches and he stumbles backwards into the tree as Wooseok wraps a hand around him, giving a light stroke. Jinhyuk moans out loud and his hand instinctively moves to Wooseok’s head to hold him in place. _Looks like even Jinhyuk isn’t immune to someone touching his cock_ , Wooseok thinks smugly to himself as he continues to move his hand.

He’s been researching on how exactly to pleasure a man for the past few weeks leading up to his birthday, painfully inexperienced on the ways of sex due to his teenage years being spent locked up in his room. It wasn’t too different from when Wooseok touched himself for the occasional stress relief, but this is _Jinhyuk_. The elder has probably been with dozens of men and women alike in his time, Wooseok _needs_ to be good. 

“Wooseo—“ Jinhyuk lets out another loud moan as Wooseok leans forwards and gives the head of his cock a tentative lick, the bead of wetness that had formed on the tip salty on his tongue. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but he hopes that his enthusiasm will make up for whatever lack of experience he has. “S- St- Stop… Wooseok you—“

He moves off of Jinhyuk’s cock with a pop, panting slightly as he meets the grey haired man’s eyes. Jinhyuk’s pupils are blown wide, his lips parted as he too struggles to catch his breath. 

“I told you, I want you,” Wooseok repeats, licking his lips. He watches Jinhyuk’s gaze follow the movement of his tongue and grins inside, Jinhyuk won’t be going anywhere. 

Wooseok won’t ever admit out loud about his insecurities when it comes to the relationship between him and Jinhyuk, but the age gap between them is and always will be a roadblock for them. Jinhyuk has been alive for ten years longer than him, has experienced so many more things than Wooseok has; it’d honestly be more worrying if Wooseok weren’t. He has to be better, be more impressive, or else Jinhyuk will leave him for someone better…

Jinhyuk looks absolutely _torn_. “But I don’t have any—“ Wooseok whips the bottle of lube and the condoms that he’d brought out of his coat pocket and hands them to Jinhyuk, taking Jinhyuk back into his mouth once more.

With a low groan, Jinhyuk pulls off his (probably very expensive) coat and lays it on the ground, pushing Wooseok back to lie on it. Wooseok sighs in pleasure as Jinhyuk moves to hover over him, biting softly at his bottom lip. He wraps his legs around Jinhyuk’s waist and gasps as their hips connect, some of the pressure that had been building up in his crotch finally relieved.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Jinhyuk breathes as his lips trace Wooseok’s skin, undoing the buttons of the button-up he’d worn specifically for this purpose. “You’re such a _tease_ ,” he almost screams as Jinhyuk takes his nipple into his mouth, licking around the hard bud as his hands dip into the waistband of Wooseok’s pants.

Jinhyuk leans their foreheads together with a tiny smile, kissing him again. “Are you going to punish me for it, _sir_?” Wooseok whispers, recalling Jinhyuk’s reaction to the name that day in the X1 bathroom. Jinhyuk’s smile fades and his eyes narrow, kissing Wooseok with a fierceness that hadn’t been present just seconds ago.

Their clothes disappear in a flash, the warmth of their bodies pressed together enough to keep away the autumn chill. Wooseok can’t help the wince that flashes across his face as Jinhyuk pushes the first finger in, the foreign feeling a little uncomfortable. He hopes Jinhyuk doesn’t notice; he doesn’t want to give his inexperience away.

He pulls Jinhyuk down for a kiss as he pushes in, the slide wet and eased by the lube but no less uncomfortable. The feeling of being stretched so far is so foreign to Wooseok that he feels a million miles away, like every nerve in his body is being stimulated all at once. His mind is a hazy blur but he can hear himself whining on a particularly hard thrust, Jinhyuk reaching down to stroke him in apology.

Pleasure explodes into a billion fireworks as Jinhyuk hits something inside him, his nails digging into Jinhyuk’s shoulder blades for dear life. He’s sure Jinhyuk’s back is going to be covered in scratches tomorrow but somehow the thought pleases him, marking Jinhyuk as his so he won’t be able to forget him… 

“I lo—“ he catches himself, snapping his lips shut before those traitorous words can come out. Jinhyuk can’t know, he _cannot_ look like such a desperate puppy in front of him. So he doesn’t say it, choosing to moan out varieties of Jinhyuk’s name instead, relishing in the way Jinhyuk’s breath stutters as Wooseok clenches around him.

“Wooseok- I’m gonna—“ Jinhyuk buries his face in Wooseok’s neck and bites down hard as he comes into the condom, and Wooseok can feel just how hard his heart is beating against his own chest. Wooseok hasn’t come himself but he doesn’t care, as long as Jinhyuk is sated and happy so is he.

He looks up at Jinhyuk, adoration swelling in his chest for the older man above him. Jinhyuk leans down to kiss him and Wooseok sighs, wishing that this moment would last forever. Out here in the woods it’s just him and Jinhyuk, no cameras, no press; he’s just a boy stupidly in love with an older man.

Jinhyuk glances down at Wooseok’s cock and frowns. “You haven’t?”

The discomfort that came with it being his first time had overridden whatever pleasure Jinhyuk had given him, though he’d expected as much from what he’d researched on the internet. He shakes his head with a smile, trying to reassure his lover (he can truly call him this now) that it doesn’t matter to him, that just being together with him like this is enough.

“It’s okay,” he sits up with a wince, cupping Jinhyuk’s face in his hands.“It felt good for me.”

Jinhyuk still looks a little troubled so Wooseok presses a few kisses to his cheeks, petting his hair gently. He’s still riding on the high of what they had just done so his head is obviously not fully there, his brain fuzzy and fingertips tingling slightly.

Perhaps that’s why he messed up.

“Not bad for a first timer, right?” he asks, realising what exactly he had just said a second too late. 

“What?” Jinhyuk’s eyes are wide and his face pale, jerking backwards away from Wooseok. He looks absolutely horrified, staring at Wooseok’s naked body no longer with a smile of sated affection but utter _disgust_ instead. No, no, no, no, _no_ …

“You’re a virgin?” Jinhyuk whispers, standing up and pulling his clothes back on before Wooseok can pull him back. He’s looking at Wooseok like he doesn’t even _know_ who he is, running his hands through his hair and trembling. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna go…” Jinhyuk says, turning away from Wooseok without even a second look.

Wooseok has never felt this pain before, this true heart-wrenching agony that has his whole chest clenching and his throat tightening. He remembers the pain he’d gone through when his parents had kicked him out of the only home he’s ever known, recalls the sting of their disappointment when he’d brought back his first unsatisfactory grade.

But nothing, _nothing_ even comes close to this.

He feels like a flower being crushed underfoot, his petals ripped out and tossed away as Jinhyuk walks away from him, taking the heart he’d so willingly given along with him. He wants to cry out, to shout at him to come back, that he’s sorry for not telling him, but the words get stuck in his throat and he chokes on them, unable to breathe. Tears stream down his cheeks as he pulls his open shirt in close, re-buttoning it up with shaking fingers.

Just moments ago he’d felt like his world was finally complete, now it was like he’d never truly had a place in it to begin with. Had all of Jinhyuk’s soft touches and smiles been a lie? A deception to make him fall so deeply only to not catch him at the bottom? His stomach aches with the force of his sobs, the pain in his lower back obsolete in the sheer _torment_ of his broken heart.

Jinhyuk’s coat still lays on the ground, dirtied and soaked through with their sweat. Wooseok wants to hold it to his face and breathe in the familiar smell that undoubtedly still clings to the fabric but he _can’t_ , the image of Jinhyuk’s fading back still crystal clear in his mind.

_He left me… He left me…_

So he picks himself up, making the slow and painful trip back to his room. He contemplates hanging Jinhyuk’s coat on the rack by the door but can’t seem to make his fingers release it. Instead he brings it with him to his bed, holding the soft woollen fabric to his face and breathing in Jinhyuk’s minty cologne. He bites his lip hard to keep his cries from waking up the other boys, his entire form shaking from his sobs. 

He wishes this had been all a dream, but as he finally drifts to sleep just as the light is starting to break in the horizon, he knows very well that it isn’t.

* * *

“Hyung, your eyes are really puffy, are you okay?” Jungmo asks, lips pouted in concern as he leans his head on Wooseok’s shoulder in the bus. Jinhyuk hadn’t even looked at him as they were getting onto the buses, hadn’t even seemed fazed as Seungwoo asked him where his coat had gone.

Perhaps this wasn’t a new thing for him, perhaps Wooseok's wasn’t the first heart he’d broken… 

Wooseok turns his head towards the window and watches the trees fly by. “Yeah, I’m fine, Mogu, don’t worry about me.”

He can tell Jungmo is still worried but he can’t bring himself to care, the soft woollen fabric clutched to his chest feeling more like knives than the warmth that’d come with it before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for everything please don't hate me T_T I promise it will get better, trust in me! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter despite the pain, and I'll be getting the next chapter out asap so please wait for me to fix this mess Jinhyuk has caused!
> 
> Leave some reviews and a kudo if you like! It really makes my day! 
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for updates and sneak peaks on the fic!


	5. An Attraction That Can't Be Described

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: sexual content at the end, please read at your own discretion*

“Listen, this group is going to take over Korea, trust me,” Jinhyuk argues into his phone, trying his best not to snap at the asshole on the other end. He has been busy talking with sponsors and shareholders for the past few days, trying to get all of their funds ready for X1’s debut.

The CEO he was speaking with was one he’d worked with in the past and knows as a serial adulterer, but he has money so Jinhyuk keeps his mouth shut. “No, they are 10 times, no, 1000 times better than the Candy Boyz, I promise you.”

“I’m not sure how much your promises are worth, Mr. Lee, after all you had promised that the Candy Boyz were worth investing in before,” the man says, cutting straight into one of Jinhyuk’s biggest failures.

Jinhyuk snorts; so he wants to fight dirty then. “I’ve kept my mouth shut about how you propositioned Kim Soomin for sex before, so I think I’m rather fantastic at keeping my word,” Jinhyuk drawls, shutting off the side of him telling him that blackmail is wrong. He may be young, and he may treat his staff better than most others, but he is still a businessman and he knows how to get things done his way. “Unless, of course, you’d like for me to send those messages to your wife? It’ll be no trouble for me.”

He can hear the older man coughing and spluttering through the speakers, and Jinhyuk draws great satisfaction in picturing him red in the face. “F-fine, 20 million won.”

“Hmm…” Jinhyuk hums, just to make the man suffer a little longer. “50 million and we’ll call it a deal. Your wife will remain blissfully ignorant of your outside _activities_ and I’ll debut the best group this country has ever seen, win-win.”

“Fine, fuck you Lee Jinhyuk.”

Jinhyuk laughs, as obnoxiously as he possibly can in the quiet airport arrivals lounge. “No thanks, Mr. Hong, I’m a bit older than your target demographic. I’ll be expecting my money by the end of the week.”

He hangs up just as he sees a familiar face round the corner into the open arrivals area, the also familiar screeching following soon after. “JINHYUKIEEEEEEEEE!” Seungyoun shrieks as he charges past the other passengers towards him, dragging his humongous suitcase with him so quickly Jinhyuk is sure that it cannot be good for his wheels. Seungyoun eventually just drops the suitcase to the ground with a loud crash and leaps into Jinhyuk’s arms with exactly 0.05 seconds of warning.

The sheer weight and size of Seungyoun almost topples him over backwards but he manages to stay on his feet, wondering what he has ever done in his life to deserve princess-carrying a 70kg, 184cm grown man in the middle of an airport. A few years back he wouldn’t have been able to do this, guess that gym membership is paying off after all. 

Seungyoun moves to plant a sloppy kiss right in the middle of Jinhyuk’s right cheek, Jinhyuk being unable to escape this attack due to the man’s close proximity. He sets Seungyoun down on the floor and clutches his chest; guess he’s not as fit as he thought he was…

“It’s nice to have you back, Seungyoun-ah,” he laughs, watching Seungyoun scuttle back to his suitcase to move it towards Jinhyuk. “How was Paris?”

The all-rounder has been travelling the world for the past few years, sending Jinhyuk the occasional postcard from wherever it was that he’d managed to end up. Jinhyuk is frankly surprised that Seungyoun has managed to come back in one piece. From what he’s heard from Sooil, Seungyoun apparently didn’t book any hotels or lodgings wherever he went, going purely by luck day by day to find a place to stay.

His heart swells with affection as he stares at his old friend, still as goofy and cheerful as he always has been. _The world hasn’t ruined him like it ruined me_ , Jinhyuk thinks, not able to fight the twinge of jealousy that blooms in the pit of his belly.

“Paris was great, I went on the Seine River cruise and wrote like _three_ songs,” Seungyoun boasts, fishing in his backpack for a moment before whipping out the trusty leather bound notebook he’s been using for _years_. “You should’ve been there, Jinhyukie, just the beautiful sky and the water all around, it was so inspiring.”

Jinhyuk tries to not resent his friend’s ability to churn out music as easily as he always has, choosing to focus instead on how relieved he is to finally have someone back home he can talk to about…

About everything.

“Sounds great,” he mumbles, the crashing wave of regret and guilt he’d been surprising so far hitting him once again. Every second of every day since he’d left Wooseok in the forest, Jinhyuk has been suffocating beneath the weight of the guilt he feels. Guilt for taking his virginity on the floor of the cold woods, guilt for not giving him more pleasure, guilt for leaving him…

He doesn’t know what force had carried him away from Wooseok that night, why his veins had filled with ice the second he’d found out that Wooseok was a virgin—

No, he does know, he knows exactly why.

“What’s up with you, Jinhyuk?’ Seungyoun corners him the moment they’re in his car, instructing Jinhyuk’s driver to close the divider between the front and back seats for privacy. “There’s something on your mind, and don’t you dare feed me that ‘I’m fine’ BS.”

Of course Seungyoun would be able to read him so quickly, Jinhyuk almost regrets volunteering to pick him up from the airport. He clamps his lips shut, refusing to admit exactly what has gotten him so in over his head. Seungyoun, noticing his silence, sighs and whips out his phone. “Did you like your gift?”

This catches Jinhyuk’s attention. “What gift?”

And then he hears it, the slow piano chords of White Night blaring out from Seungyoun’s phone. “Your boys did a great job with the cover, especially that one in the middle here, Kim Wooseok is it? I saw him trending all over the internet and—“

Jinhyuk bursts into tears.

Now, Jinhyuk is not a person who cries easily, in fact he can’t even recall the last time he’s properly cried beyond _mildly_ tearing up at Elsa and Anna’s reunion scene. Knowing this information very well, Seungyoun is obviously extremely unprepared for the onslaught of tears that are pouring down Jinhyuk’s face. He sputters, literally throwing his phone down onto the seat between them and grabbing at Jinhyuk’s face. “Nonononono, why are you _crying_???”

Seungyoun is obviously panicking, eyes darting frantically around the car in search of a box of tissues. He tries to increase the volume on his phone to drown out the sound of Jinhyuk’s very loud, very ugly sobbing but the sound of Wooseok’s voice only makes him wail louder, head tilted up towards the ceiling as every single frustration that has built up in his life up to this point comes out in the form of saltwater from his eyes. 

“Aw no, Jinhyukie, come here come here,” Seungyoun spreads his arms and beckons for Jinhyuk to come closer for a hug. On a normal day, Jinhyuk would have rolled his eyes and smacked him, his love for skinship having faded years ago. But today? He will _gladly_ take a hug, thank you very much. “Come on, tell Seungyoun what’s the matter.”

And so he does. He tells Seungyoun about the Candy Boyz scandal, about how he’d spotted Wooseok in the club, about how he and Wooseok have been in some sort of weird relationship and have been meeting up for food and kisses (not necessarily in that order), about how he’d unknowingly taken Wooseok’s virginity on the cold hard ground of a _forest_ in _autumn_ … Jinhyuk sinks further and further into himself in shame as Seungyoun’s face darkens with every new piece of information, disapproval radiating off of his friend as he speaks.

Finally Jinhyuk finishes, tears still streaming down as he stares down at his lap in _humiliation_. 

“I don’t think you need me to tell you that was a really terrible idea, right? Getting involved with a trainee from your own company? You _idiot_ ,” Seungyoun smacks him upside the head which only serves to make Jinhyuk cry harder. He knows, he knows he screwed up and that he made a mistake but Wooseok makes him feel things he hasn’t felt for _years_ since—

“Is it because he looks like _him_?”

It feels like Seungyoun has punched him in the face. He wants to shake his head, tell him that it’s not because of how similar they look, that Wooseok is _nothing_ like Dongyeol; but he can’t move a single muscle. Because the seed of doubt is already planted there, and now Jinhyuk can’t stop wondering if the reason he is so attracted to Wooseok is because of his old group-mate.

Seungyoun continues, still looking at Jinhyuk seriously. “Look, hat happened with Dongyeol was shitty, and we all wish we’d been paying more attention and noticed that something was wrong. I know you took it especially hard because of your feelings for him, but he’s moved on and you should too.”

His words seem to unlock the floodgates of memories Jinhyuk has kept hidden away in the deepest recesses of his mind, the stabbing pain of the past digging into his skull.

_“Dongyeollie, where have you been?” Jinhyuk asks as the younger boy stumbles into their shared living room, clothes and breath reeking of alcohol. Dongyeol’s eyes look tired and empty, with dark circles under them that hadn’t been there before. He looks like he’s lost weight too, his cheeks hollow and gaunt._

_Jinhyuk’s heart clenches; why does Dongyeol look like this?_

_Dongyeol kicks off his shoes and glares at him. “What does it matter to you, Hyung?”_

_He pushes past him and limps towards his room, his breathing loud and laboured. Jinhyuk reaches for his arm and pulls him back enough is enough. “Dongyeol, ever since you and that guy have started going out you’ve been acting so…”_

_The youngest member yanks his arm out of Jinhyuk’s tight grip, the collar of his shirt falling off his shoulder with the movement to reveal the array of hickeys and bite marks that mar his porcelain skin. Jinhyuk inhales sharply at the sight, jealousy settling in his stomach despite himself. He’s known about that rich chaebol bastard that Dongyeol had fallen for for ages, and he’d even begun to think that his own feelings for Dongyeol were starting to fade away._

_Apparently they haven’t._

_“So_ what _? Hyung?” Dongyeol bites out with venom, his jaw clenched._

_“You’ve stopped going out with your high school friends, you’re out late every night with that man rather than with us, your clothes show more skin than it covers—“ Jinhyuk catches himself before he can go too far, before he can say something he regrets._

“I know he has and I’m happy for him, but that’s not why I have feelings for Wooseok,” Jinhyuk says finally, brushing his fringe out of his face. He hasn’t bothered to style his hair for the past week since the MT, he simply can’t find the energy to.

Seungyoun’s face softens and he pats Jinhyuk’s head, pity replacing the initial disapproval in his eyes. Somehow that just makes Jinhyuk feel even worse.

“Okay I’m not mad at you, Jinhyukie, I just think you shouldn’t be going into this purely because of lust,” Seungyoun leans back into his seat and grabs his phone from where he’d thrown it before, ‘White Night’ shutting off as he switches to a different tab. “I know you’re a good person, but you have to remember what kind of position the both of you are in. You’re his boss, even if he doesn’t want to do something he can’t exactly say no.”

_“No, I want to eat with the members tonight babe,” he hears Dongyeol whispering into his phone. Jinhyuk didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but Dongyeol had left his bedroom door open and Jinhyuk couldn’t help but overhear as he walks by. He can faintly hear the sound of muffled yelling on the other end of the line, but he can’t pick out any exact words._

_“Okay, okay, I’m sorry baby, I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, I love you,” Dongyeol concedes, a heavy weight to his tone that doesn’t suit his high, energetic voice at all. Jinhyuk hurries away from the door before he can get caught, sitting down on the sofa in between Seungyoun and Jinwook just in time. Dongyeol comes out of his room with his backpack slung over his shoulder. “Sorry, Jungseok just called, I think I’ll be having dinner with him instead.”_

_Jinhyuk and Seungyoun share a look that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jinwook, but their leader nods at their youngest nonetheless. “That’s okay, just make sure you’re not back too late alright?”_

_Dongyeol smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Sure, Hyung.”_

Jinhyuk sighs, he knows that fact all too well. “I know, Seungyoun-ah, I know,” he thinks of the way Wooseok had smiled at him that night on the ferris wheel, his eyes shining with what Jinhyuk remembers as affection.

“From what you’ve told me I don’t think he’s out for your money, but, you did say he was broke so maybe that could—“

Jinhyuk shakes his head adamantly; if he’s sure of anything, it’ll be that money is the very last thing Wooseok wants from him. “No, it’s not because of money.”

“You never know, just be careful, alright Jinhyukie?” Seungyoun rubs his back, pulling him closer so they’re sat shoulder-to-shoulder. Jinhyuk grimaces a little at the close contact, stomach churning. Seungyoun, perceptive as always, sees this and moves a little so there’s some space between them. From his position, Jinhyuk can spot the pictures of Wooseok that Seungyoun is scrolling through on his phone. “He’s a pretty one, I will give you that.”

_“You’re so pretty like this…”_

_Dongyeol is crying but Jinhyuk can’t move, his limbs frozen in fear._

“He’s beautiful,” Jinhyuk replies simply, remembering the tiny smile that would grace Wooseok’s lips when they made eye contact in the company.

Seungyoun snorts and continues scrolling through the pictures of their MT, holding his phone up to Jinhyuk’s face to show him one of Jinwoo beaming on the carousel at Everland. He’s adorable, and Seungyoun himself has always had a soft spot for him much like everyone else at X1 Entertainment. “You’re whipped.”

“Yeah.”

“You should apologise soon, or else it’ll be too late,” Seungyoun hums, pulling some gum out of his pocket and popping it into his mouth. “It might already be; you haven’t spoken to him since that night, right?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, if you’re not going to do anything, I might, he’s cute.”

Jinhyuk hates how he can’t even get angry; he doesn’t deserve to.

* * *

Byungchan is sitting across from him with his tablet set on the desk, nervously shifting in his seat. He looks like he wants to say something but he keeps chickening out before he does, frankly Jinhyuk wants to stretch over his desk and and smack him. Byungchan opens his mouth once more, then closes it again. That’s it.

“My _god_ , just spit it out for fucks sake,” Jinhyuk snaps, tossing his hair out of his face with a huff.

“He wants to say that you look like shit, because you do,” Seungyoun replies for Byungchan from his perch of Byungchan’s lap. Why Seungyoun is sitting there? Jinhyuk doesn’t really know nor does he really care. Why he’s joining in on this rather important, rather confidential meeting on the debut lineup for X1? Well, Jinhyuk had given up on trying to keep him out of these things a long time ago.

Jinhyuk shoots his oldest friend a glare, poking at his cheek self consciously. He doesn’t look _that_ bad, does he?

Byungchan grins sheepishly, the dimples that appear on his cheeks weakening Jinhyuk’s resolve to tell them both to mind their own business. “You look really tired, boss, like you haven’t slept in days.”

Well that would be because he hasn’t. Ever since the day he’d picked up Seungyoun from the airport he’s been wracked with nightmares all throughout the night, leaving him exhausted no matter how much he actually manages to sleep. But he can’t tell them that, he can’t afford to appear weak.

“I’m fine, just tell me the lineup you and the team have put together and I’ll see if I want to make any adjustments,” he says to Byungchan, deliberately ignoring Seungyoun’s worried gaze. 

Byungchan still looks a little sceptical but pulls up the page on his tablet anyways, clearing his throat before he starts to read. “So, from eldest to youngest, we have Kim Wooseok, Song Yuvin, Kim Yohan, Lee Hangyul, Son Dongpyo, Cha Junho, Kang Minhee, Lee Eunsang, Song Hyeongjun,Nam Dohyun, and Lee Jinwoo.”

Jinhyuk takes the tablet from Byungchan and looks through the boys’ profiles, wondering if this is really the best lineup they can produce. “Who else was under contemplation?”

“Ah, that would be Hwang Yunseong, Kim Mingyu, and Koo Jungmo, boss,” Byungchan says, flipping through the pages of the document on his tablet until he reaches the one with the boys not chosen for the group. Jinhyuk remembers Jungmo; he’d been the one that was clinging to Wooseok the entire MT. 

Call him petty, but Jinhyuk can’t help but not want him in the lineup.

“Mingyu’s has great visuals but he’s a lot slower to catch up with the other trainees skill wise so the trainers thought he’d be better off training for longer and debuting later on,” Byungchan supplies helpfully as Jinhyuk stares at the picture of Mingyu on the screen. Why are kids nowadays so good looking? What are parents feeding them nowadays? 

“And Hwang Yunseong? Why wasn’t he chosen?” Jinhyuk asks, recalling the boy helping Wooseok with dance class. God he’s so biased…

Byungchan smiles sadly. “He was, but his vocals are a little lacking compared to the rest and there are already plenty of good dancers in the lineup,” he explains, Seungyoun nodding along with his words. Seungyoun has been popping in and out of the trainees classes ever since he got back, claiming that he wanted to get to know everyone if he was going to be writing music for them in the future.

Jinhyuk frowns, recalling the way that Seungyoun had teasingly flirted with Wooseok right in front of everyone in the class, going so far as to brush away a lock of black hair out of the boy’s face. Jinhyuk had seen red, then, but he couldn’t bring himself to say or do anything to stop him. He deserves every bit of pain it causes him.

He’d accidentally met Wooseok’s eyes that day, and he’d been wholly unprepared for how much the mixture of hurt and longing swirling in those beautiful brown eyes would make him want to cry.

Seungyoun had yelled at him, later on. He’d called him an asshole for not even reacting to his flirtations, had told him just how hurt Wooseok had looked as Jinhyuk had turned on his heels and walked out without another word. Jinhyuk didn’t argue; he deserves it all. 

“But does Wooseok?” Seungyoun had asked.

 _No, he doesn’t_ , he’d thought to himself, but he hadn’t said a word.

“I think this lineup is good skill-wise, how’s their chemistry?” he asks, swallowing hard.

Byungchan beams at this. “It’s great, all of the boys are so sweet and they all seem to _adore_ Wooseok, they all were friendly with each other during the MT too!”

Jinhyuk nods, pursing his lips. “Alright then, I quite like these ones as well.”

“When should we tell them?” Byungchan asks, his hand stroking Seungyoun’s hair almost unconsciously. Seungyoun melts into the touch like a cat, Jinhyuk can almost see him purring. 

“Wait a while, see if anyone else proves to be a better fit,” Jinhyuk frowns, a little troubled. He’d wanted to write X1’s debut song by himself but he still hasn’t been able to put together a good song, it’s really been grating on his nerves, he feels like his sanity is hanging by a thread. He used to be able to churn out good music like butter, ideas had never stopped flowing for him. He can’t even remember how many times he had to stop a meeting just to jot down an idea he had or record a melody that had come to mind when he first started up X1 Entertainment; what a joke he must seem to his past self now…

Byungchan hums in assent. “Alright, boss,” he says, about to get up and leave when he catches glimpse of Jinhyuk’s face. “Boss I think you should head home early, get some rest.”

“I’m fine, Byungchan, don’t worry.” 

Both Seungyoun and Byungchan look like they want to argue but choose to stay silent instead, the two of them standing up to leave. Well, _Byungchan_ is leaving, Seungyoun is just getting off his lap so he can do so. Once Byungchan is out the door, Seungyoun sits back down in the now unoccupied seat. “Have you spoken to Wooseok yet?” 

“No, I don’t know how to,” every time Jinhyuk had typed out a message asking for Wooseok to meet him, or to just apologise to him directly, he could never quite press send. Something just didn’t feel right to him, it just didn’t feel like enough. “Should I send him some gifts? Maybe a new pair of Nikes? Or maybe some new earrings—“

Seungyoun whacks him over the head with a roll of paper he’s somehow managed to conjure up. “You idiot, stop thinking with your wallet and start thinking with this,” he aggressively jabs a finger into Jinhyuk’s chest, just above where his heart is.

Jinhyuk sighs, feeling utterly helpless. “I don’t have anything else to give if it’s not my money…” he admits, cheeks burning in shame.

“I’m going to _kill_ you,” Seungyoun groans, falling back into his chair with as much dramatic flourish he can muster. “You’re such an idiot, Lee Jinhyuk. You are _so_ much more than your money,do you know that?”

“Dongyeol hadn’t thought so,” he whispers, just louder than a breath. Seungyoun stays silent for a moment and Jinhyuk suspects he didn’t hear him, closing his eyes and sighing. His suspicions are quickly thrown out the window when Seungyoun walks around the table and pulls Jinhyuk up into a tight hug, not letting go until Jinhyuk lets himself sink into it.

He remembers the days when he’d been addicted to skinship, almost craving it like a drug. He’d spent his days in UP10TION clinging to everyone he could, hugging and cuddling everyone whenever he could. Then after that day… Jinhyuk didn’t enjoy skinship again after that.

Except for him… 

“How do I fix things?” he asks. “How do I get Wooseok to forgive me?”

Seungyoun grins, his eyes squinting as he does; Jinhyuk loves this smile.

“Well, listen here…” 

* * *

_“You’ve stopped going out with your high school friends, you’re out late every night with that man rather than with us, your clothes show more skin than it covers—“ Jinhyuk catches himself before he can go too far, before he can say something he regrets._

_Like how in love he is with him. Like how much he wishes he was the one he chose instead._

_Dongyeol’s eyes darken and he sneers in a way that has Jinhyuk’s stomach churning with nausea. Who is he? This boy, no, this_ man _standing in front of him, Jinhyuk doesn’t recognise him at all._

_“You’re just jealous of me, right Hyung?” Dongyeol smirks, crossing his arms over his chest. Jinhyuk feels like he’s been slapped in the face. “You’re jealous that I have someone that loves me, and you’re all alone.”_

_Jinhyuk shakes his head, frantic. “No, no of course that’s not-“_

_“You’re jealous that my boyfriend has actual money of his own, has his own company, all while your life is still tied to a fucking contract, aren’t you?” Jinhyuk remembers Dongyeol from the first time they’d met. He was young then, 15 to Jinhyuk’s 17. Jinhyuk remembers the light in his eyes that sparkled whenever they performed, that brilliant smile that had never ceased to get Jinhyuk’s heart racing. Jinhyuk had realised he was in love with him when Dongyeol was 17 himself, that the butterflies he felt in his stomach never fluttered for any of the other members._

_Dongyeol had met that bastard when he was 18._

_“I’m not jealous at all, I pity you, Dongyeolie…” Jinhyuk whispers, cupping Dongyeol’s cheek with his hand. For a second Dongyeol looks like that sweet boy Jinhyuk had fallen in love with, his wide eyes almost looking like they were pleading with him for help. Then the mask slips back into place, the cold, haunted exterior that Jinhyuk wishes he didn’t have to see._

_Dongyeol turns his head away, moving out of Jinhyuk’s grasp. “Well don’t, I don’t need your pity, I’m not a kid anymore,” he pauses then, his bottom lip between his teeth. “Not after tonight.”_

_Jinhyuk veins fill with cold, like he’s just been doused in a bucket of ice. “What happened tonight?” he whispers, not entirely certain he wants to hear the answer._

_Dongyeol laughs, just once. It’s a hollow laugh, with no body or true emotion behind it, somehow it makes Jinhyuk want to cry. “He fucked me tonight, took me behind the club and fucked me in the alley,” he turns back to face Jinhyuk with a wry grin, both of them pretending like the tears flowing down Dongyeol’s cheeks aren’t there. “He took my virginity, he made me_ beg _for it…”_

_The nineteen year old’s voice trails off, all of that faux swagger and confidence seeping out of him within a second, leaving behind the scared boy that lies underneath. “The last thing I had that was mine…”_

_This time Jinhyuk doesn’t stop him when Dongyeol moves to walk to his room, watching the boy he loves limp from pain caused by a man that pretends to love him._

* * *

“Are you sure he’ll come?” Jinhyuk is pacing by the table he’s set up in the hotel restaurant, the staff thankfully hidden away and not playing witness to his meltdown. He has Seungyoun on the phone, the composer probably trying his best not to laugh at how much Jinhyuk is freaking out. “What if he doesn’t come?”

“Oh god, _relax_ , he’ll come don’t worry,” Seungyoun reassures for the nth time that night, starting to sound a little fed up. Seungyoun had put himself in charge of getting Wooseok to the restaurant, while Jinhyuk had been the one to arrange the dinner etc. “I told him we were having a company dinner and that a car would be sent to the company to pick him up, I checked with the driver and he said that he’d already picked Wooseok up so it’s _fine_.”

Jinhyuk can’t help but panic a little more. “But what if he leaves once he sees it’s just me—“

Seungyoun hangs up. 

Jinhyuk gasps. The _nerve_ of him.

He’s about to call back and give his friend a piece of his mind when the doors to the restaurant open, Wooseok in a sleek black button-up and black dress pants walking in with a confused frown between his brows. Jinhyuk almost drops his phone into the ice bucket the serving staff had prepared for the bottle of champagne he’d brought, fumbling it back into his pocket with trembling fingers. 

Wooseok looks around at the empty room then back at Jinhyuk, his usually bright and joyful eyes now dimmed with suspicion and pain. _I did that,_ Jinhyuk thinks, hating himself even more. Wooseok slows to a stop a few feet away from him, dipping his head in a bow.

“CEO-nim,” he says quietly, the words stabbing so deeply into his heart that Jinhyuk forgets how to breathe. “Am I too early? Where is everyone else?”

He still looks so beautiful… 

This is Jinhyuk’s last chance to back out, to pretend like the dinner had been cancelled and send Wooseok on his merry way. He’ll be happier if he’s not in his life, if he’s able to live his youth without an older man occupying his time… But Jinhyuk is selfish, and he can’t make himself give up on Wooseok no matter how much his conscience tells him to. 

_Wooseok is not Dongyeol, and I am not Jungseok_ , he repeats to himself like a mantra as he strides forwards towards Wooseok. Jinhyuk drops to his knees in front of him, swallowing hard as the words he’s been wanting to say to Wooseok for the past week and a half start to come bubbling up to the surface.

“I know what I did that night to you is unforgivable, I took your virginity in the middle of the woods and I left you there alone after it,” Jinhyuk says, still not daring to meet Wooseok’s eyes. “I hurt you so horribly, you were alone when I should have been there to hold you and tell you how much you mean to me. You have no reason to forgive me but I beg for it anyways.” 

He finally looks up to see the first tears slip down Wooseok’s cheeks, the younger man’s shoulders shaking as he struggles not to cry. Jinhyuk reaches up to take Wooseok’s hand in his, pressing his lips to his palms. “If you will have me again, my life will be yours, every breath I take will be solely for you. I will care for you for the rest of your life and you will never have to worry about money ever again—“

“I don’t care about your money, it was never about that,” Wooseok cuts him off, moving to kneel in front of Jinhyuk as well so they are face to face. “I think I love you, Lee Jinhyuk, that’s why I wanted to give you something no one else will ever have, that’s why it broke me when you left.”

Jinhyuk starts to feel the corners of his own eyes burn with tears, and he quickly buries his face in Wooseok’s hands once again to hide them. “If you forgive me now, I swear on my life that I will never, _ever_ leave you again, I promise.” 

Wooseok holds his face in his hands and guides Jinhyuk to face him, cat-eyes soft and vulnerable as they stare into Jinhyuk’s. “Can I trust you, Jinhyuk?” Wooseok asks, using his thumbs to brush away the glistening tears on Jinhyuk’s cheeks.

“I’ll become a better person for you, Kim Wooseok, just trust me again this _one last time,_ ” Jinhyuk begs, not knowing how he’ll pick up the pieces of his heart again if Wooseok says no.

The silence kills him, and Jinhyuk closes his eyes to try and hold back his tears. He deserves this pain, he deserves it—

And then Wooseok kisses him, lips pressing against his own with the faintest of pressures. Jinhyuk feels then like he’s floating, that the boy in his arms is nothing but a pipe dream, that he’s still back in the private room of that club all those years ago, because there’s no other way that Jinhyuk could ever truly have this heavenly being before him to call his. Not after what he’d done.

“I love you, Lee Jinhyuk,” Wooseok whispers against his lips, their foreheads pressed together as they kneel on the ground. “You don’t have to say it back yet, but I want you to know that I love you; not CEO Lee, not Wei of UP10TION, _you_.”

He’s right, no matter how much Jinhyuk wants to say it back, the words can’t seem to escape his throat.

So he opts to kiss Wooseok again, pulling the boy closer to him and wrapping his arms around his tiny waist. When they finally part, Wooseok lets out a soft giggle. _God_ he’s missed that sound.

“I thought you were selling me to some shareholder or something when I saw the hotel,” Wooseok admits, burying his face in Jinhyuk’s neck. This strikes a chord within Jinhyuk and he winces.

“I would never do that to any of my trainees, _never_ ,” he says with a surprising sternness, looking Wooseok straight in the eye. There were many lines in the business world that Jinhyuk had been willing to cross in order to bring X1 Entertainment to the success it enjoys today, but Jinhyuk had sworn to himself he would sooner slit his own throat than whore his trainees out like some companies do.

For Dongyeol…

Wooseok, realising suddenly that they’re two grown men kneeling in the middle of a hotel restaurant crying into each other’s arms. “Oh my god, someone could catch us,” he says, pulling away from Jinhyuk and standing up quickly. He brushes himself off, cheeks flushed. He’s so cute…

He says as much to Wooseok who blushes even harder, biting his lip. “S-stop it… Don’t be a tease, we’re in public…”

Jinhyuk laughs. “Don’t worry Wooseokie, I own this hotel.”

He wishes he could take a picture of how Wooseok’s jaw has dropped to the floor. “W-what? How?” Wooseok sputters, gaze darting around the well decorated restaurant, from the red carpeted floor to the crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

“I invested in this hotel while I was still in UP10TION, gathering shares little by little until I finally managed to buy it over from the owner a few years ago,” Jinhyuk explains, gesturing to the room with his arms in a wide sweep. “This baby brings me quite the tidy sum every year. And the staff here are loyal to me, they won’t release any pictures of us to the press.” 

Jinhyuk moves over to the table he’d arranged earlier and pulls out a chair for Wooseok to sit. “Shall we eat, darling?” he tests the pet name out, liking the way it rolls off his tongue; the way Wooseok jerks upright as if he’s been shocked is a plus point too. 

Wooseok takes his seat, and their first proper dinner together begins.

* * *

“I’m sorry again, for taking your first time like that…” Jinhyuk whispers in the quiet of his car, Wooseok staring at him with warm eyes from the passengers seat. He’s about to start driving Wooseok back to his dorm when the boy places a hand over his on the gearstick, weaving his fingers between Jinhyuk’s.

Wooseok leans over to press a chaste kiss to Jinhyuk’s cheek, his lips hovering over his cheekbone. Goosebumps break out over Jinhyuk’s skin and he shudders, wondering just how Wooseok has managed to gain so much power over him.

“Make it up to me, then,” Wooseok breathes, lips parted as his tongue darts out to wet them. Fuck, he really wants to kill him…

Jinhyuk has never driven so quickly in his life, getting them both back to his apartment in Gangnam in record time. Wooseok pulls a face mask on as they get out of the car, better safe than sorry after all. The elevator opens up straight into Jinhyuk’s penthouse, the two of them stumbling out into his living room the second the elevator doors open.

In a surprising feat of strength, Wooseok slams him into the wall next to the elevator and pins him there, nipping at the column of Jinhyuk’s throat. The painting he has hanging up on the wall rattles but Jinhyuk can’t bring himself to care, far too preoccupied with how Wooseok is trying to suck a hickey onto his collarbone. 

“N-not here, bedroom,” he manages to get out, hoisting Wooseok up into his arms with the boy’s legs around his waist. In this position Jinhyuk can feel exactly how much Wooseok wants him, the younger’s hardness pressing into Jinhyuk’s stomach. He wants to give Wooseok roses and candles but it’s obvious the boy is having none of it, pulling him onto the bed in a deep kiss the moment Jinhyuk sets him down.

“Make love to me,” Wooseok whispers in his ear, his hand reaching down to brush against the front of Jinhyuk’s pants just to hear how he moans. That night in the woods Jinhyuk had been keeping his voice low, afraid that they’d be caught at any moment.

But here?

Here he’ll make Wooseok _scream_.

Jinhyuk reconnects their mouths and groans as their tongues meet, sliding over each other in a way that has his very skin tingling. He makes quick work of Wooseok’s shirt and throws it to the floor, pulling back to admire the expanse of pale flesh that has been exposed to him. He hadn’t appreciated his body nearly enough that night…

He moves from Wooseok’s lips, trailing kisses down his neck and towards his chest, the sound of Wooseok’s high pitched whines the sweetest music to his ears. He closes his mouth around a dusky nipple and suckles lightly, pinning Wooseok’s hips down as the boy bucks and writhes at the sensation. “Jin-Jinhyuk… D-d-don’t tease…” Wooseok cries, grabbing at Jinhyuk’s shirt to try and pull it off. 

Wooseok’s skin is smooth under his touch, his hands running along his ribs and down his stomach to undo his pants, pulling it off of his lover in one movement. _They’re quite a sight_ , Jinhyuk thinks, with him still fully clothed and Wooseok nearly completely bare beneath him. He can see the tent in Wooseok’s boxers, the boy still whining and moaning uncontrollably above.

Jinhyuk leans down to nose at Wooseok’s erection, licking it through the fabric and relishing in Wooseok’s loud moan. “Please please please please,” Wooseok begs, his eyes teary from the overload of sensation. Jinhyuk can’t resist that face.

He pulls off the last of Wooseok’s clothing and tosses it somewhere behind him, taking the boy’s cock into his mouth and sucking it down as deeply as he can. Wooseok screams, grabbing Jinhyuk’s hair in his hands and thrashing wildly. Jinhyuk holds down his hips so he doesn’t accidentally choke him, licking up the thick vein at the underside and dipping his tongue into the slit.

That night Wooseok had been the one in control, the one who had gotten on his knees to drive Jinhyuk absolutely _insane_. This time Jinhyuk would return the favour tenfold.

Jinhyuk continues moving his mouth around Wooseok’s cock, hollowing his cheeks to create a suction that he knows will drive the younger boy off the edge. “Jinhyuk stop I’m- I’m gonna- Ah!”

Wooseok comes into his mouth and Jinhyuk swallows quickly before the taste can hit him, wiping whatever hadn’t made it into his mouth onto his sheets. He’ll have to change them tomorrow anyways after this, so might as well make a mess now.

His lover is panting when Jinhyuk moves back up to join him, Wooseok’s eyes bleary and unfocused as he struggles to catch his breath. His skin is coated in a thin sheen of sweat that Jinhyuk can’t resist running his tongue over, the younger boy whining in oversensitivity.

“It never feels that way when I do it myself,” he says, turning his head on the pillow to look at Jinhyuk. Even flushed red and sweaty like this, Wooseok is still the most exquisite creature he’s ever laid eyes on. He kisses him again, hoping his mouth doesn’t taste too much like his own come. Wooseok pouts when he pulls away, tugging at Jinhyuk’s shirt once again. “You’re still dressed, that’s unfair.”

Laughing, Jinhyuk obediently rids himself of his clothing, dropping his shirt and pants to the floor in a pile. Wooseok’s eyes widen at the sight of his fully naked form, running over the faint lines of his abs and the sheer hardness between his legs. Wooseok licks his lips, whether purposefully or unconsciously Jinhyuk doesn’t know.

He crawls back over him, pressing their mouths together in a slow kiss. “Are you sure you want this, we don’t have to if you’re not ready…”

Wooseok replies by tightly grabbing his cock, pumping him once in defiance. “I want you, I’ve told you already.”

Jinhyuk grabs his lube and a condom from his bedside table, pouring the cold liquid over his fingers and rubbing them together to warm it up. Wooseok lies back down onto the bed, watching Jinhyuk’s movements with nervousness prominent on his features. Jinhyuk kisses him again to calm him as he pushes his index finger in, Wooseok’s muscles clenching around him. He has to bite his lip to keep the moan from escaping him at the sensation, focusing instead on getting Wooseok as relaxed as possible.

By the time he’s three fingers in, Wooseok is squirming yet again. Jinhyuk rubs teasingly at that spot inside him that he knows will make him _scream_ , smirking to himself as Wooseok does just that. “I’m ready, Jinhyuk, I need you,” Wooseok whines, fingers clasped around Jinhyuk’s wrist.

He doesn’t know how Wooseok ends up on his lap, sliding the condom onto Jinhyuk with shaky fingers. His mind goes blank as Wooseok rises up on his knees, positioning Jinhyuk’s cock at his entrance and sinking down within a single breath. Jinhyuk feels like a live wire, every hair on his body standing on end as Wooseok slowly bottoms out, palms pressed against his chest to balance himself. His universe is turned inside out, a supernova that drags him into its depths.

Jinhyuk feels complete in a way he’s never felt before, with the weight of the boy he’s grown to care so deeply for on top of him, their eyes locked on each other as they both let themselves succumb to sensation.

For a moment Jinhyuk doesn’t know where he is, can’t feel anything besides the vicelike grip around his cock. Wooseok is breathing heavily as he adjusts himself to the feeling of Jinhyuk inside him, staring deep into Jinhyuk’s eyes with unconcealed affection. “I love you,” Wooseok says, so softly it’s barely a whisper.

Then Wooseok starts to move.

* * *

The sun streams in through the window, the chirping of the birds awakening him from his slumber. Jinhyuk yawns and stretches, releasing the kinks that had formed in his back during the night. He thinks about getting up to make breakfast but the soft breaths of the black haired boy still sleeping beside him beckon him back.

Wooseok snuggles into Jinhyuk’s chest as he wraps his arms around him, burying his nose in his hair and inhaling Wooseok’s unique grapefruit scent. He looks so perfectly at peace in his sleep, mouth slack and occasionally letting out the cutest little snores that have Jinhyuk’s heart melting. 

Jinhyuk figures he can sleep in for today, the world will just have to wait on him a little while longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Did I fix things well? I know how badly Jinhyuk messed up in the previous chapter so after some repenting I decided he finally needed to fix his mess and well here we are! I'm so glad to be meeting so many of you on twitter and thank you so much for supporting this wild ride of a fic! Dongyeol's (aka Xiao from UP10TION for those who don't know) introduction to the fic marks the start of a new arc of the story, but this one will be covering the majority of the fic so do stay tuned! This is my first time writing smut this explicit so do treat me kindly and tell me what I can do to improve! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and do leave some comments and kudos if you like, it really makes me happy <3
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for occasional updates and X1 related fangirling!


	6. This Art Called Love

_This bed is so soft_ , is the first thing Wooseok thinks when he wakes up in the morning. The sheets are soft and silky against his skin, the pillow beneath his head plush and lulling him back to sleep as he turns over onto his side towards the window. The light is streaming in through a gap in the long grey curtains, illuminating the large bedroom around him.

 _This is not my room_ , is the second thing Wooseok thinks, catching sight of the large framed picture of Elsa hanging on the wall.

 _I am completely naked_ , is the final thing Wooseok thinks to himself before his brain spontaneously combusts as he remembers all of the events from the previous night.

“Oh my _goddddd_ …” he squeals, rolling over to bury his face in the aforementioned pillow and scream.

 _“Make love to me,”_ who even said that? It certainly wasn’t him.

And what he’d _done_? The sounds he’d made… 

Lee Jinhyuk who is currently nowhere to be seen. Wooseok can’t help the bubble of panic that rises in his chest at the cold empty side of the bed where Jinhyuk should be lying. But this is Jinhyuk’s own apartment, he wouldn’t just abandon Wooseok in his own apartment, right? Wooseok pats at the bedside table in search of his phone, groaning in defeat at the 10% beside the battery symbol. He’d wanted to use it to call Jungmo to let him know he’s alright but he doubts his battery will make it.

His phone is an older model iPhone so he doubts Jinhyuk has the correct charger cable for it lying around. He hopes Jungmo hasn’t called the police about his disappearance yet, that would be an awkward conversation to say the least.

'Where were you last night sir?’ they would ask and Wooseok would have to reply ‘Well I was busy riding my boyfriend to multiple orgasm, what about you?’ and then the cat would be out of the bag and—

 _Is_ Jinhyuk his boyfriend? The grey haired man had gotten on his knees and basically promised his entire existence on earth to him last night, but they hadn’t exactly DTR’d at any point in the night. Nevertheless, first things first: find Jinhyuk.

Wooseok grabs at the first shirt he can find from the mess of clothes on the floor and pulls it on, his cheeks warming as he realises its Jinhyuk’s. The size of it is a lot bigger than his own, the bottom of it brushing his mid thigh when he stands up. He puts his boxers back on and forgoes pants, figuring you can’t see much anyways with his shirt so long.

Thinking he should probably wash up before going out to find his lover (his _lover_!), he opens the door he assumes leads to a connecting bathroom and enters. The ensuite is almost as big as the bedroom itself, with a humongous bathtub in the middle of the room that Wooseok is sure at least three grown adults can lie in comfortably. The shower is a rain shower sectioned off from the rest of the room by a floor-to-ceiling glass panel, an array of plants and succulents forming the back wall.

He pads over to the sink slowly (he will _not_ admit to any sort of pain in his lower back), his stomach flipping at what he sees sitting upon the counter. A pale pink Anna toothbrush has been placed on a small hand towel by the basin, still in its wrapping with a picture of a grinning Anna on the handle. On top of the toothbrush is a yellow sticky note with Jinhyuk’s small, neat handwriting scrawled across it.

 _‘Thought you might wanna wash up my cute Wooseokie~ Our toothbrushes will match!’_ the note reads, followed by a string of hearts as well as a small drawing of a cat with huge round glasses that look suspiciously like his own. He looks up at the shelf beside the sink and smiles at the matching Elsa toothbrush perched there in a little white holder, an exact twin to the one he’s taking out of its packaging.

He brushes his teeth and washes his face a lot more giddily than one should be while carrying out a basic morning routine, popping his Anna toothbrush in the holder Jinhyuk has set up beside his own. Wooseok pokes at the small pimple that has formed on his forehead from not having washed off his makeup properly the previous night before passing out, sighing in resignation as he brushes his hair down to cover it.

Wooseok is about to exit the room when a thought occurs to him, sniffing himself lightly before deciding he’d better have a quick rinse to get the smell of sex and sweat clinging to his skin off. Falling more and more in love with Jinhyuk by the second, Wooseok takes the soft white bath towel laid out for him on the rack by the shower (the sticky note placed there gives it away) and drops his clothes to the ground. 

The rain shower feels like absolute heaven, the warm streams of water pouring down his back soothing all of his aching muscles. He hadn’t been able to see it from outside, but right along the opposite wall to the shower controls is a full length mirror. Why Jinhyuk wants to see himself naked while he showers, Wooseok has no idea. Though, as he runs his finger down his neck and chest, gaze following its movements over each of the love bites and bruises Jinhyuk had left on him the previous night, he thinks he’s starting to understand. 

The lines of his abs are also starting to show, what from all of the constant exercise and training he’s been doing at the company. His muscles have filled out from the mandatory three-times-a-week workouts at the company gym so he no longer looks as thin and fragile as he had just 4 months back when he’d auditioned for X1 Entertainment.

He looks _good_ , if he does say so himself.

Jinhyuk’s body wash smells like him, the minty, sea-breeze scent bringing a smile to Wooseok’s face. He towels off and pulls Jinhyuk’s button up shirt back on along with his boxers; he distinctly remembers Jinhyuk ridding him of them before the action started so they’re probably clean enough.

Now smelling fresh and clean with his hair dripping water onto Jinhyuk’s wood flooring, Wooseok makes the trek out of Jinhyuk’s room in search of his older lover. The moment he exits the bedroom he feels like the floor has been pulled out from under him, the sheer enormity and luxury of Jinhyuk’s apartment knocking the air right out of his lungs.

He doesn’t remember coming up any stairs the previous night but apparently they had, the elevator which they’d came up from right at the end of the room on the floor below. He peers over the glass railings at the living room below, mouth falling open at the floor-to-ceiling windows that line the wall behind the couches. The city of Seoul is laid out right before his eyes, the blue sky above a stark contrast the sleek greys and silvers of the tall office towers around them.

Sniffing at the air, Wooseok can smell the familiar spicy aroma of kimchi jjigae and freshly boiled rice, a sizzling sound coming from somewhere below the stairs he’s starting to make his way down revealing Jinhyuk’s whereabouts. He spots Jinhyuk the second his feet touch the ground floor, a light brown apron tied around his waist and a white Givenchy t-shirt on that Wooseok believes is wholly unnecessary for cooking at home.

_Rich people._

Jinhyuk’s face splits into a humongous smile the moment he spots him. “Wooseokie~” he calls out, beckoning him over. His gaze travels up and down Wooseok’s body once he’s in full view, lingering on the shirt Wooseok is sure he recognises as his own. “I made breakfast for us, come taste my stew.” 

Relishing in the domesticity of the situation, Wooseok obediently moves towards the earthenware pot Jinhyuk has bubbling away on the stove and opening his mouth for Jinhyuk to feed him. The spice of the stew hits him immediately and he just about _moans_ at the flavour, the hot stew searing a burning path down his throat.

He looks back to Jinhyuk to tell him it’s good, only to find the man staring at him with his lips slightly parted, a dark look of pure _want_ in his eyes. “You’re fucking killing me, Kim Wooseok,” Jinhyuk whispers to him as he lifts him up onto the countertop, nosing at the shell of Wooseok’s ear and sending all sorts of good tingles down his spine. “You walk around in my shirt and smelling like me… You’re doing it on purpose aren’t you?” 

Wooseok shakes his head innocently with an angelic grin. “No, of course not,” he leans forward to press a kiss to Jinhyuk’s lips, rubbing their noses together when they part. “You don’t want me walking around smelling like I just got fucked six ways from Sunday, right?”

Jinhyuk strokes his cheek and Wooseok lets himself melt into it, squealing internally at the touch. “Hmm, I don’t know, _I_ think that could be a pretty nice smell on you,” Jinhyuk teases, a hand starting to creep under the fabric of his shirt. “That is, if I’m the one doing the fucking, of course.”

Honestly, Wooseok is ready to let him do just that when a timer starts beeping from just beside him, making them both jump as the heavy atmosphere between them suddenly disintegrates. “That’ll be for the rice,” Jinhyuk explains, leaving Wooseok stranded on the kitchen island as he hurries to scoop it out into a large bowl. “Help me set the table, babe?”

All Wooseok can hear is the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears.

_Babe, babe, babe, babe…_

He clears his throat, hopping off the counter with a lot less grace than he would normally be able to muster. “Yeah, I can do that, where’s your cutlery?” 

Jinhyuk, not noticing that he’s made Wooseok’s heart skip at least ten beats from a single word alone, slides some fried eggs onto a serving plate and hands it to Wooseok. Wooseok, still recovering from his temporarily stopped heart, holds onto the plate with both hands in fear of dropping it because of his shaky limbs. 

“It’s in the top drawer over there,” he points at one of the counters with his chin, fishing a pair of pot holders out of his apron and picking up the pot of stew off the stove. Wooseok grabs a set of spoons and chopsticks and hurries to set them down, placing two cloth placemats on opposite sides of the large dining table in the room off to the side of the kitchen. 

Jinhyuk pulls our his chair out for him with a beaming grin, kissing him on the top of his head as he passes. Wooseok sits himself down and lets himself enjoy the dream his life has suddenly become as Jinhyuk starts spooning food into a bowl for him, humming as he works. It’s an unfamiliar tune, not recognising it from any of the popular songs playing on the radio recently.

“What song is that?” he asks as Jinhyuk hands him his bowl of rice and egg, the still-steaming fluffy white goodness making Wooseok’s stomach growl. Jinhyuk pouts, as if asking himself the very same question.

“Hmm, I don’t know, I guess the melody just came to me,” Jinhyuk says before his eyes widen, looking straight at Wooseok in complete shock. “Oh my god, a melody just came to me!” 

Wooseok feels his stomach flip; Jinhyuk had confided in him about his writer’s block before, lamenting how he hasn’t gotten a good idea for a song in almost a year. “Oh wow, _shit_ , that’s great!” he gets up from his seat and rounds the table to give Jinhyuk a hug, the older man burying his face in Wooseok’s chest as he returns it.

“Thank you, Wooseok-ah,” Jinhyuk mumbles into his shirt, still squeezing him tightly. “It’s all thanks to you…” 

He presses a kiss to Jinhyuk’s forehead and smiles, shaking his head. “No, you’re the musical genius here.” 

“But you’re the one who’s gotten me out of my funk, you’re my inspiration,” Jinhyuk whispers, his tone almost _revering_ as he stares up at him. 

Wooseok feels like time has come to stop around them, there’s just him and Jinhyuk, eating breakfast together after a night spent making love to each other over and over again. “What are we?” he whispers, running a hand down the older man’s face.

Jinhyuk’s thumbs rub comforting circles into the jutting bones of his hips, raising goosebumps wherever they touch. “We can be whatever you want us to be, it’s all up to you.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before,” Wooseok says, running a finger over Jinhyuk’s bottom lip. “I think I kinda want one now…”

“Then, Kim Wooseok-ssi, could I have the honour of having you as my boyfriend?” Jinhyuk says in completely seriousness, taking Wooseok’s hands in his and pressing kisses to his knuckles. Wooseok feels a blush spread all the way from his cheeks down to his neck and chest, his heart bouncing around behind his ribs like a pinball machine.

Before he can start blubbering, Wooseok pauses. “This doesn’t mean you’ll give me any special treatment at the company, right? I want to make it on my own.”

Jinhyuk pouts, looking so darn cute Wooseok can’t help but smile himself. “But I want to spoil you…” 

“ _Outside_ of the company, alright?” Wooseok says thoughtlessly, not thinking quite enough on the repercussions of his statement. A mistake on his part, really.

* * *

“When I said you could spoil me, I really didn’t mean it so literally,” Wooseok whines as Jinhyuk attempts to pull him into one of the most expensive ice cream stores in Seoul. Both he and Jinhyuk have black masks on but Wooseok can definitely picture the wide grin under Jinhyuk’s mask. “I don’t wanna eat here, Jinhyukie…”

They stop right outside the cafe doors as Wooseok digs in his heels and refuses to go in, completely unwilling to spend a small _fortune_ on frozen cream. Wooseok pouts though he knows Jinhyuk can’t see it, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring into the store. 

Jinhyuk sighs. “Fine, so where do _you_ wanna go for dessert?” he’s acting like he’s exasperated but Wooseok can tell he’s not, the crows feet forming by Jinhyuk’s eyes giving away his smile.

“What about Sulbing? I heard they have a new strawberry line they’ve just released,” Wooseok suggests, already starting to pull his tall boyfriend away from the trap that is the ice cream store. Jinhyuk hums in agreement and lets himself be guided through the busy streets with their fingers interlocked.

Wooseok had been a little worried about getting caught when they first came out of Jinhyuk’s apartment, both of them clad in thick knee-length puffer jackets to protect them from the near freezing temperatures. Though after about 20 minutes of walking the streets of Seoul with no one the wiser (holding hands no less!), Wooseok had let go of his anxiety and just let himself enjoy the wintery day out with his boyfriend.

His boyfriend!

“How did you call in sick for me when I was getting dressed?” Wooseok wonders out loud. Jinhyuk had tossed a pile of clothes at him earlier and shooed him to get changed, the older man bragging that he’d called in sick for Wooseok at the company by the time he came back. 

Jinhyuk snorts. “I just made my voice a little softer and prettier like _‘Hi~ Cough, cough, I’m sick today so I won’t be coming in~’_ and the lady who picked up was completely convinced!” 

Wooseok is unsure whether to feel proud or offended at that rendition of his voice.

“Are you sure she believed you?” he asks incredulously, his and Jinhyuk’s voices sound nothing alike.

“Yeah, too quickly actually now that I think about it,” Jinhyuk frowns, realising that it shouldn’t have been that easy after all. “Someone in HR needs to be fired for not recognising their boss’s _lovely_ voice.” 

He nudges the older man with his shoulder, linking their elbows together so he can lean his head on Jinhyuk’s shoulder as they walk. They reach Sulbing quickly, ducking into the warm cafe with a sigh of relief. The weather is freezing up faster than it had last year, Wooseok’s fingers slightly numb with cold by the time he pulls off his gloves to stuff them in his pocket. The cafe is pretty empty given its a rather odd time of day, which is lucky for them as they can take off their masks and eat freely. 

Wooseok orders for them and they choose a table that faces away from the other patrons in the store, taking off their coats and draping them over the backs of their chairs. Jinhyuk reaches across the table and takes Wooseok’s hands in his, blowing hot air and rubbing them between his larger palms to warm them. 

He flushes a bright red at the action and is very much thankful that they’re facing away from everyone else in the store. Jinhyuk smiles warmly at him and presses a kiss to the back of his hand that he seems so fond of doing (honestly it makes Wooseok feel like some kind of royalty or nobility and he can’t say he hates the feeling.

“Could I send a picture to my friends?” he asks, gesturing to their joint hands. “No faces, of course.”

Wooseok pulls out his phone, snapping a few quick pictures of their hands to send to Yein and the others later once he manages to charge it. When he finally slips his phone back into his pocket and looks up at Jinhyuk, he’s very much surprised by the look of utter horror on the older man’s face.

“What was that _thing_?” Jinhyuk whispers, pointing at Wooseok’s pocket. 

Has this fully grown, _thirty_ year old man never seen a _phone_ before?

“My phone…?” Wooseok says tentatively, not sure what could set Jinhyuk off next. The grey haired man has seemed to have lost it, Wooseok can’t be too careful.

Jinhyuk shakes his head quickly, so fast Wooseok is sure his neck will be sore later. Maybe he can give him a massage? “No no, I know what a phone is, _that thing_ is a dinosaur.” 

Okay so Wooseok has been using the same iPhone 4 since he was in middle school, _sue_ him. His parents had never wanted to get him a new phone no matter how much he begged so eventually he’d stopped asking, learning to be content with his phone no matter how slow it’s gotten or how terrible his camera is compared to everyone else’s. And now with his already limited funds, Wooseok simply cannot afford to buy a new one.

Wooseok shoots him a warning look. “Hey, she may be old but she’s served me well, don’t talk about her like that!” he scolds jokingly, cradling his phone in his hands as if it were a small child. The device is starting to heat up in his palms so it’s more like he’s carrying a fire demon but no way in hell will he admit this to Jinhyuk with his fancy iPhone X or whatever is the newest model. 

“If you say so,” Jinhyuk concedes, though Wooseok doesn’t trust the way his eyes linger on his pocket one bit. 

Jinhyuk himself ends up taking a few pictures of Wooseok with their humongous bowl of strawberry bingsu, as well as a few with his hand inside feeding Wooseok mouthfuls of the milky, icy goodness. For a moment Wooseok feels jealous of the couple a few tables down from them who gets to freely take selcas together and post them on Instagram or Kakao, but then Jinhyuk is taking his hand in his again and Wooseok finds he doesn’t care all that much after all.

* * *

“Text me once you’re in the dorm,” Jinhyuk kisses him one more time before unlocking the doors of his car and letting Wooseok out, hand gripping his as if he doesn’t really want to let him go.

Wooseok rolls his eyes. “I’m a grown man, Jinhyuk-ah,” the informal address rolling off his tongue far more easily than it should as he hops out of the car and shuts the door. Jinhyuk rolls down the window and smiles softly at him, eyes full of affection. Wooseok’s heart skips a beat; damn this man and those stupidly beautiful eyes.

“Can’t I be worried about the safety of my adorable boyfriend?” Jinhyuk asks, crooking an eyebrow up at him through the open window. “You’re so cute, all sorts of people would want to do _things_ to you.”

Wooseok leans in through the window and plants a kiss right on Jinhyuk’s lips. “Don’t worry, you’re the only one I’ll let do things to me,” he says with a wink he didn’t know he had in him, readjusting his coat and waving once more before starting the trek into the apartment complex. The elevator is finally working (he’s had to _walk_ up to the 6th floor where the dorm is for the past three days), so he quickly gets in and sighs in relief at the gust of warmth that washes over him.

The temperature outside had dropped to almost freezing temperature the moment night fell, so if Wooseok hadn’t been wearing one of Jinhyuk’s thick puffer jackets he’d be a Wooseok popsicle by now. He needs to charge his phone and call Yein because his battery had died after sending that picture of his and Jinhyuk’s interlocked hands with zero context whatsoever.

“WOOSEOK-HYUNG!” Jungmo all but screeches the second he manages to get the door unlocked and spills out into the threshold, kicking off his shoes with little finesse. Jungmo launches himself at Wooseok and wraps his arms around him with a lot more force than those skinny arms look like they contain. “I was so worried about you! Where have you been?”

Wooseok squirms out of his friend’s grasp to plug his phone into the charger on the wall, typing out a quick _‘I’m home~’_ to Jinhyuk once the black screen is back to life. He has no doubt that Jinhyuk will send a police squad up his building to search for him if he doesn’t, and that would cause a lot of unnecessary attention.

He smiles to himself at the cute emoji Jinhyuk sends in reply before setting down his phone to face Jungmo, the latter’s gaze flickering between him and his phone with a knowing smile. “Are you dating someone, Hyung?” Jungmo teases with a sly grin, folding his arms over his chest. “Is that where you were all of last night and today?”

Wooseok gulps. “Uh, no, I was uh, at a friend’s house?” he hates how he’s managed to phrase it as a question rather than a statement. He’s such a terrible liar, why can’t he be a better liar?

“Suuree Hyung, whatever you say~” Jungmo singsongs, hopping around him to help him remove his long, heavy coat. “I know this isn’t even your jacket too~”

Why is this boy so bloody perceptive? Wooseok is going to have to be ten times more careful around him in the future…

“No, this is my jacket,” he tries to lie, his voice a lot weaker than it should be. Jungmo just nods, hanging the coat up on a hanger in the cupboard by the door with all of their other ones. “I’m serious, I uh, I found it myself…” 

_Found it himself??_ Way to go Wooseok, Jungmo is definitely convinced…

“Your phone’s been buzzing for the past five minutes, I’ll give you some privacy to talk to your new lover~” Jungmo giggles as he literally skips out of the room, leaving Wooseok sputtering in confusion and indignation. Kids are getting more and more disrespectful nowadays…

And besides, there’s only one person Wooseok knows that will message him so religiously. 

“Yein-ah~” he croons into his phone, trying to appease his best friend before the high pitched yelling starts. “You’re looking lovely today, Yein-ah~”

“KIM WOOSEOK!” Yein screeches into the phone and Wooseok has to move it away from his ear to avoid permanent deafness. “You live alone for 4 months and you’ve already managed to go completely wild, going out on dates with boys and not updating me! What happened to Lee Jinhyuk, huh? You just going to let him get away with what he did to you?”

Then Yein pauses, as if he’s finally managing to put together the pieces of the puzzle in his brain. “Wait, was _that_ Lee Jinhyuk?!”

Yein obviously takes his silence as confirmation and begins squealing at the top of his lungs, nonsensical words pouring out of his mouth in a torrent. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod you went on a date with Lee Jinhyuk! Did he pay for everything please say he did, _live_ that sugar baby lifestyle Wooseokie!’

Wooseok laughs. “That _what_ lifestyle?” he asks, interrupting Yein’s tirade.

“You know, be the sugar baby you deserve to be after everything that asshole put you through,” Yein says, sounding very much like he’s shrugging though Wooseok can’t see him. “Take all his money and then kill him- No actually don’t kill him, I really like his music.”

“Well he did buy me an Armani coat…” Wooseok admits, only slightly ashamed at how easily he’d given in to that extremely overpriced piece of clothing. Yein screeches. 

“ARMANI? Where can I find me a sugar daddy it sounds fantastic,” Yein sighs wistfully, the sound of a door being opened echoing in the background before the new wave of yelling starts again. “HWANHEE YOU OWE ME 20,000 WON!”

Wooseok feels unsure as to whether or not he should feel honoured or offended that his friends are betting on his love life, but he’s definitely not pleased that the winnings are so low. “Yah! It should be at least 50,000 you cheapskates!”

He hears Hwanhee let out a loud groan. “Damnit Wooseokie, you couldn’t keep it in your pants for another week? I almost won!” 

“Don’t be so informal with me mister!” Wooseok shouts, hoping that he doesn’t wake up any of his roommates with his noise. Only Jungmo’s shoes had been by the door when he came in, so he’s assuming the rest of them are still at the company. “But yes, we are together now.”

“Make sure he treats us to a meal one day~” is all Yein manages to get out before the call is abruptly dropped, Wooseok suspects it to be Hwanhee’s doing. The little brat, Wooseok will have to teach him a lesson the next time he sees him. Yein is too soft for him, he needs to relearn how to respect his elders.

Wooseok leaves his phone to charge and heads to his and Jungmo’s shared room, face flushing red at the suggestive grin on the younger’s face the moment he walks in. “So… What’s their name? I promise I won’t tell.”

“I’m really not dating anyone,” Wooseok lies, feeling absolutely awful about it. “That was just my friend calling.”

Jungmo shrugs. “I’ll find out someday.”

The younger boy is scrolling through Naver on his iPad, a worried frown between his brows despite the teasing smile on his lips. Wooseok climbs onto Jungmo’s bed to cuddle him, burying his face between the boy’s shoulders in a pseudo back hug. “Whatcha looking at?”

“Just the pictures from the MT and our covers, the comments are nice,” Jungmo says, scrolling down until the thumbnail for their orchestral cover of White Night appears. “You looked really good here, Hyung.”

Wooseok shakes his head. “No no, the rest of you guys are so much better than I am.”

“You’ve got that star quality, Hyung, peoples’ eyes are just drawn to you,” Jungmo says matter-of-factly, pulling up some of Wooseok’s pictures from their impromptu fashion show. Wooseok hadn’t realised before just how large his eyes are, but looking at himself now he wonders if that is truly his face. “You’ve improved so much since you became a trainee, you’re better than I’ll ever be…” 

Jungmo sets down his tablet and hides his face in his pillow. Wooseok’s heart aches at the resignation in the boy’s voice, wrapping his arms around his waist to hug him tighter. “That’s not true, Mogu…” 

Wooseok presses a kiss to the top of Jungmo’s head, and the both of them continue to lie there, pretending to not hear Jungmo’s quiet, gut wrenching sobs.

* * *

Wooseok’s hands are gripped tightly by Minhee and Jinwoo to the point of losing feeling in his fingers, the three of them standing side by side in the large dance studio along with all of the other male trainees in the company. Jinwoo’s little face is pinched in anxiety, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple despite the cool temperature.

“Wooseok-hyung, I’m scared,” Jinwoo whispers to him, head ducked and facing the ground. They all have a good idea as to why they’ve been called here today, the rumours of the new boy group the company is debuting flying all throughout the employees and trainees alike. Wooseok suspects that Jinwoo knows a lot more than he’s letting on, but he’s not going to push him for any answers when he already looks like he’s five seconds away from passing out.

Minhee looks like he hasn’t breathed at all in the past five minutes and Wooseok would honestly be worried about how red in the face he looks, except Jinhyuk chooses that moment to walk in with Byungchan and Seungyeon at his sides. The older man looks like a downright _god_ , dressed in a striped t-shirt under a white suit jacket, long legs clad in black skinny jeans. He has a serious look on his handsome face, the intensity of his gaze as he scans through the faces in the room making Wooseok’s stomach flip (in more ways than one).

“Good afternoon everyone,” Jinhyuk says to the room, waving off his secretary’s offer of a microphone. “I hope you’re all doing well, working hard.”

“Yes sir!” the entire room echoes in unison. This feels far too much like a military camp than he’d like, he still has another eight years at least before he has to enlist. 

“Well, the reason I’ve come down to see you all today is to announce the final lineup for the idol group X1 Entertainment will be debuting in Spring next year,” Wooseok honestly wants to shout up at his boyfriend to hurry up and get on with but he really doesn’t know if he can open his mouth without vomiting up his lunch. 

He knows he’s still a newbie and he doesn’t deserve it, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want it so freaking badly his chest hurts. He could prove to his parents that he can make it without them, that he doesn’t need to lose his entire youth to school to be successful. Wooseok looks towards Jungmo who stares right back, defeat already present in his almond shaped eyes.

“The name of the group will be X1, the eleven selected will be carrying the name of the company so this decision was not an easy one,” Byungchan supplies from beside Jinhyuk, his tablet clutched to his chest. Wooseok hates how apologetic he looks.

Jinhyuk clears his throat, meeting Wooseok’s eyes in the crowd. “When we call your name, please step forwards to the front of the room.”

The tension in the room is almost palpable, Wooseok’s palms sweaty against Minhee and Jinwoo’s. He thinks of all of the other trainees in his class, the ones who he’s laughed with and who have taught him and helped him through these past few months. He wants them all to be chosen but he knows that’s not possible, not with only eleven slots available.

“Kang Minhee,” Jinhyuk says and Wooseok immediately feels Minhee collapse beside him, the tall boy crouching on the ground with his face in his hands and shoulders shaking with tears of relief. Wooseok kneels down to give him a tight hug, helping him back to his feet along with their other friends who are whispering words of congratulations to him as the other trainees clap.

“Cha Junho,” the younger boy gasps from across the room, his handsome face full of shock. Yohan is there hugging him and pushing him forwards to stand at the front, a proud smile on his face as his friend takes his place beside Minhee. 

“Song Yuvin,” Wooseok isn’t too familiar with him but he knows he’s a nice person, the boy having helped him with his singing during after hours at the company once.

“Nam Dohyun,” a dolphin-like screech fills the air and the room erupts into laughter despite the serious atmosphere. Dohyun is one of their youngest trainees but Wooseok has heard him rap and he’s incredibly talented, definitely deserving of a spot in the new group. 

“Son Dongpyo,” Wooseok smiles as the small boy runs up to hug Seungwoo first before anyone else, the friendship between the two well known by everyone at the company. Dongpyo has helped him with his expressions while performing before, so Wooseok can’t help but feel a sting of relief flood through him at his announcement.

“Kim Yohan,” he and Yohan have spoken before in the past and the latter is a pretty cool guy, extremely talented and far better at dancing than Wooseok can ever hope to be. Not to mention how good looking he is too, Wooseok can easily rank him at a solid number two on his list right behind Jinhyuk.

“Lee Hangyul,” he’s arm wrestled with him before. He lost, badly. Hangyul is an amazing dancer though, he even looks older than Wooseok himself though he is in fact younger.

“Lee Eunsang,” memories of shouting petit over and over again at the MT flash through his mind and he feels a full body shudder come on. Never, never again; he’d almost lost his sanity that night.

“Song Hyeongjun,” Wooseok’s face splits into a bright grin as the adorable boy from his class bursts into tears, full of affection as he walks over to give Hyeongjun a hug. Hyeongjun and Yunseong have been extremely helpful to him when it came to dancing, and Wooseok thinks he’ll never be able to fully repay that debt to them. They’re the reason why he managed to dance to White Night without making a fool of himself, and Wooseok will never forget that.

Then, Jinhyuk is looking straight at him, eyes full of pride that Wooseok feels like his knees are about to give out. No, no, no, it can’t be him, he’s too inexperienced and he doesn’t deserve it like the others do and—

“Kim Wooseok,” Jungmo’s arms are around him in a second, congratulating him over and over again even though Wooseok can barely hear him over the rush of blood in his ears. He doesn’t know if he should be happy or if he should cry, he’s taking a spot away from other trainees who have trained for longer and deserve it more.

Jungmo hugs him again before gently shoving him in the direction of the other trainees in the debut lineup, a soft smile on his face. “Go, Hyung, you deserve this just as much as anyone else.” 

And then there was one. One spot left. Just one. 

Jinwoo has moved to holding Yunseong and Jungmo’s hands instead, face white as a sheet. Wooseok’s heart aches; he would gladly give up his spot for any one of them if he could.

“And, last but not least,” Jinhyuk says, setting down his tablet with a smile. “Lee Jinwoo.”

Wooseok thinks he might just faint.

The staff leave to let the trainees talk and congratulate each other, Jungmo immediately running to him and Minhee to grab them both in a tight hug. “You both are going to show the world who’s boss, okay?”

Wooseok doesn’t want to let him go, he can’t bear to. Once he lets go the two of them will be separated; no more nights cuddling and watching Netflix on Jungmo’s iPad, no more midnight ramyeon parties… Everything will be changing and Wooseok doesn’t know if he can handle that.

“I’m so sorry, Hyung,” Minhee is crying into Jungmo’s shirt, the elder of the two stroking his hair comfortingly and cooing at him to stop crying. “It should have been you…”

“No, don’t you dare say that Kang Minhee,” Jungmo says sternly, pulling the younger boy away to look at him dead in the eyes. “I will catch up to the both of you and make my own debut the next round, alright? Just wait for me, I’ll be with you guys soon.”

Wooseok can only hope that’ll be so.

* * *

Moving out from the dorms he’s shared with Jungmo for the past four (nearly five) months is tough, there’s more tears and apologies but Jungmo stays firm on his word that he’ll be debuting soon too, so Wooseok should suck it up and wait for him to become more famous than he is. Wooseok laughs at this, but they both know it’s only in jest. Jungmo says he’ll be coming to visit him at his new dorms with the other X1 members soon, promising to bring chicken and ramyeon when he does.

He and the other members in the debut lineup now train separately from the rest, working on basics even harder than ever before to make sure they’ll all up to scratch for debut. It’s hard and there’s been nights when Wooseok just feels like giving up, but he always gets up in the end, ready to go again. 

Wooseok can’t let himself slack off now, staying back at the company and training as late as he can without physically _dying_ in the process. There has been someone who’s been a huge contribution to his not dying, though…

His phone rings and he dives to pick it up, butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the contact name on the screen. “Hi baby, you still at the company?” Jinhyuk asks, a faint music track playing in the background. Wooseok recognises it as the melody the older man had been humming that first morning in his apartment, smiling to himself at how he’s managed to bring it to life. 

“Yeah I am, are you?” he replies, already packing up his things to go and meet his boyfriend wherever he might be. Despite his desire to improve his skill in singing and dancing, Wooseok knows he needs time for healing and relaxation just as much to avoid losing his mind completely.

This time usually comes in the form of making out in Jinhyuk’s car, but who’s judging him? 

Jinhyuk hums in assent. “Come up to my studio, it’s near my office you can’t miss it.” 

“Be there soon,” he says before ending the call, slinging his new Nike sports bag over his shoulder with his water bottle and towel inside. Jinhyuk had surprised him with it about a week ago when his old bag had literally exploded at the seams on his way home one night, sending his belongings flying out onto the icy pavement along the street to the dorms. Hangyul, who’d been walking with him at the time had kindly helped him to carry his stuff back, and Wooseok had thanked him later on by treating him to some fried chicken another night at the company (using his own money for once, despite Jinhyuk’s insistence).

He gets to the studio and Jinhyuk unlocks the door for him to enter, pulling him inside so quickly Wooseok almost topples over onto him. Though, he suspects that his boyfriend wouldn’t mind so much if he did. “Hey you, don’t you look gorgeous today?” Jinhyuk teases, leaning down to capture his lips in a kiss. Wooseok resents how much he has to tiptoe to not give the elder a neck cramp but he’s willing to do it for love.

Jinhyuk takes a seat in front of his monitor and Wooseok finally gets a good look at him. The studio is dark so the only source of light is the computer, perfectly illuminating the dark circles and weary lines of Jinhyuk’s face. “And you look tired, have you not been sleeping?” he scolds lightly, kissing both of Jinhyuk’s eyes to try and soothe the tiredness he sees there.

His boyfriend rubs their noses together and sighs, sinking into Wooseok’s arms. “Yeah, just been working on your debut song so it’s been a rough couple of days.” 

“Our debut song?” Wooseok perks up, peering at the computer despite knowing full well he won’t understand a bit of what’s displayed there. He wishes he knew how to write music like Jinhyuk and Seungyeon do, maybe he’ll ask one of them to teach him one day.

Jinhyuk pulls Wooseok to sit on his lap with his arms wrapped securely around his waist, chin tucked into the crook of his shoulder. Wooseok snuggles into his hold, breathing in his familiar minty scent. “Wanna hear it?”

Wooseok nods and kisses him on the cheek, patting his hand repeatedly until Jinhyuk laughs and presses play on the keyboard. A slow piano melody fills the room, the sound thrumming in his very bones due to the surround sound speakers. A heavy bass hits along with a catchy trap rhythm, the melody getting stuck in his head almost immediately.

“Its working title for now is Boyness, but I might change it later,” Jinhyuk points towards a notebook he has open on his table and gestures for Wooseok to help him grab it, showing him the pages of lyrics he’s written for the song. “I was just wondering if you would record the demo vocals for me?”

Wooseok’s eyes widen. “Me?” he turns to stare at his boyfriend incredulously. “Are you being biased again, I told you not to be.”

“No I’m not, I just thought your voice would fit perfectly and since we’re both here already, we can take our time recording the demo for the board to listen to, you’ll do the vocal sections and I’ll do the rapping.”

“You’ll do the rapping?” Wooseok grins, eager to hear him rap. He won’t admit to having gone through to listen to all of Jinhyuk’s old songs, but hearing him spitting fire in some of his old tracks was definitely a major turn on for him. “Okay, I’ll do it, but only if you’re rapping.” 

His boyfriend turns him around on his lap and presses their foreheads together, Wooseok’s eyes sliding shut almost involuntarily as Jinhyuk slides their mouths together in a kiss. Wooseok moans and pulls himself closer, tangling his fingers into Jinhyuk’s grey hair as he parts his lips in a gasp.

“I got you something, by the way,” Jinhyuk says in between kisses, fishing for something from his bag by the side of the table. Wooseok pulls away for only a second to look at what it is, heart leaping as he catches sight of the box of the new iPhone XS he has clutched in his grip. Having long given up on arguing with Jinhyuk about expensive gifts, Wooseok merely clambers off his lap and onto the floor in front of his extremely tall boyfriend.

He tugs at the button on Jinhyuk’s jeans with a sly grin, relishing in the sheer volume of Jinhyuk’s responding moan. Jinhyuk makes an attempt to push him away, mumbling something about the demo and hoarse voices but Wooseok is hearing none of it, determined to return the favour for the gift.

“The demo can wait a little,” Wooseok whispers as he pulls down the top of Jinhyuk’s briefs, eyes widening at the prize that lays beneath the fabric. He gives the tip a kittenish lick, moaning as Jinhyuk’s grip on his hair tightens. “Right?”

And it does, in fact it waits for a long, long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This monster took a while I'm so sorry but it's here! I hope everyone enjoys this long ass chapter because it actually includes fluff for once after all the angst and heartbreak <3 Leave some kudos and a review, it really makes my day!
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for updates!


	7. I Will Break You Down

Jinhyuk's eyes open blearily, his bedroom still draped in the shadows of the early morning. He glances at the clock on his bedside table and groans softly; 5:08 am is far too early to be waking up. The body sleeping beside him shifts and Jinhyuk turns over to face him, Wooseok’s unconscious face is slack and relaxed, the worry lines that have started to deepen between his brows since his announcement of the debut lineup temporarily smoothed. 

He lifts a hand to Wooseok’s face, running his fingers lightly down the soft slope of his cheek as affection fills his heart. _He looks so peaceful like this,_ Jinhyuk thinks, wanting to stay in this moment in time forever. The words that have been stuck in his throat since that night at Everland in the Ferris wheel remain stubbornly lodged there, even as his heart furiously urges him to say them. 

Wooseok’s lips are soft and plush beneath his fingers, his eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly at the contact though he remains soundly asleep. “Wooseokie…” he whispers, voice still rough from sleep. “I lov—“ 

He can’t do it. No matter how hard he tries, somehow he can’t bring himself to say those three, simple words. 

Giving up for now, he wraps his arms around Wooseok’s smaller frame and buries his nose in his hair. Their bodies fit together perfectly, every crook and dip along their forms slotting in together like two halves of a puzzle. He never wants to let him go, never ever. 

Jinhyuk closes his eyes to try and fall back asleep, letting Wooseok’s grapefruit scent lull him into a peaceful slumber. 

_“What the fuck did you just do?” Dongyeol shouts, grabbing the front of Jinhyuk’s shirt in a death grip. His eyes are wide and blazing with anger, his knuckles white. “Look me in the fucking eyes and tell me what the fuck you just said to Jungseok!”_

_Jinhyuk had had enough. Enough of Dongyeol sneaking out at all odd hours of the night, enough of Dongyeol coming home reeking of all sorts of drugs and alcohol; he just wants his Dongyeol back, the boy he’d fallen in love with. He doesn’t pull away no matter how much the collar of his shirt is being stretched, not when Dongyeol is finally here and talking to him again.  
_

_Jinwook was tired of covering for him with the managers and the company, their leader’s worries about the state of their group and their youngest growing more and more by the day. Everyone wants to understand what Dongyeol is going through, but it’s hard when he’s barely around them besides during practice and music shows._

_“I told your boyfriend to fuck off because you need your sleep for tomorrow, you do remember we have a show on in the morning right?” Jinhyuk bites out, his temper coming out despite his efforts to keep himself calm. “Sorry for trying to look out for your health.”_

_Dongyeol lets go of his shirt and shoves him backwards, fingers trembling from whatever withdrawal symptoms he was going through this time. “Why do you even care, huh? Mind your own fucking business, Jinhyuk.”_

_The lack of honorific stings a lot more than Jinhyuk had expected, the sheer distaste in Dongyeol’s tone like a knife stabbing straight into his heart. “Of course I care about you, Dongyeol-ah…” Jinhyuk says, his voice weak and pained. How have they gotten to be like this? “I’m your Hyung, and you’re special to me—“_

_“Why?” Dongyeol’s gaze is cold and empty, his arms hanging limply at his sides. “Why am I special to you?”_

_It’s now or never, maybe if he can convey his feelings here then Dongyeol will come back to them, to him. He can make him happy too, happier than that bastard has ever made him. Jinhyuk will never hurt him like Jungseok does, he’ll love him properly like he deserves._

_“Because I love you, Dongyeol-ah, I’ve loved you since I was 19,” it’s been three years of pining and pain since then, of watching Dongyeol become a mere husk of the person he once was before. “I can love you more than Jungseok does, I’ll take care of you.”  
_

_Dongyeol freezes, features hardening in disbelief. “You’re joking right, Hyung?”_

_Jinhyuk feels the first of many tears slip down his cheeks, his vision blurring as he moves towards Dongyeol to take his face in his hands. He strokes the smooth line of his cheekbone with his thumb, relishing in the hope that’s flooding through him. “No, I’m not, I’m truly in love with you, I can love you better, Dongyeol.”_

_The younger boy jerks away from Jinhyuk’s touch, a sneer on his lips. “So what? You’re nothing compared to Jungseok; he’s rich, powerful, you’re just an idol like me.”_

_“But I love you—“  
_

_Dongyeol shakes his head, a soft laugh cutting straight into Jinhyuk’s heart. “That’ll never be enough.”_

_“Wake up,” a soft voice is speaking to him. It’s sweet and melodic and somehow it brings a strange sort of joy to Jinhyuk’s broken heart, but he can’t bring himself to._

_Never be enough…_

_He’ll make himself enough._

_“Wake up…” the voice repeats, and Jinhyuk feels a light touch on his shoulder. A familiar touch, a familiar smell. Grapefruit?_

“WAKE UP!” Wooseok shouts, kneeling on top of him with his hands on his shoulders. His eyes are wide with worry and he’s shaking Jinhyuk hard, panting almost as heavily as Jinhyuk himself. The force of his dream slams into his chest like a tonne of bricks, knocking the very air out of his lungs. His cheeks are wet with tears and his hair soaked through with sweat. 

Wooseok looks like he’s about to cry himself and somehow this touches a nerve inside of Jinhyuk that it wouldn’t normally, a surge of annoyance flooding through him due to being awoken so suddenly from his nightmare. 

“You were crying and thrashing all about and I didn’t know what to do and what were you even dreaming about and—“ Wooseok rambles, reaching over to brush back Jinhyuk’s hair with a loving hand. 

Jinhyuk doesn’t know what comes over him as he raises his own to smack Wooseok’s away, sitting straight up in bed so quickly that Wooseok is knocked off of him onto the mattress. “I’m fine, alright? Don’t be so fucking nosy.” 

Wooseok’s eyes fill with hurt and he looks down at his lap, lower lip trembling. “I was just worried about you…”

“Don’t be. I’m an adult I’m fine, I don’t need a _kid_ nagging at me.” 

He turns away from Wooseok so he doesn’t have to see the pained expression on his face, pushing the sheets off and heading into the bathroom for a shower. He strips off his damp clothes and drops them on the floor, turning on the rain shower and stepping underneath the hot streams of water. The heat of the steam soothes his tense muscles, the annoyance and frustration that had suddenly bubbled up in him earlier on flowing out of him like water down the drain. 

Then the regret hits him, a punch in the gut so strong he falls to his knees in the middle of the shower. _What had he just done?_

Jinhyuk dries off and runs out of the bathroom faster than he ever has before, not even bothering with clothes as he throws open the door. He’s hoping beyond hope that Wooseok is still in bed, though that hope is quickly crushed at the sight of the empty room. The rest of the apartment is empty too, with only Wooseok’s key card taken from the basket by the elevator along with his coat and shoes. 

“DAMNIT!” Jinhyuk screams, kicking over the shoe rack and sending shoes flying out all over the floor. “FUCK!” 

Why had he said that? Why why _why_!

He’s just like Jungseok… Jinhyuk falls to the ground and slams his fist into the marble tiles, resentment for his own stupidity filling him. He’d snapped at Wooseok, his Wooseok, sweet sweet Wooseok who’d only been concerned for him, and he’d just threw it all back in his face. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Wooseok must be heading to the company so maybe Jinhyuk will be able to catch him there, he thinks to himself. He dashes back to his bedroom and gets dressed in a flash, not caring what he’s putting on or bothering to style his hair at all. He’s down to his car before his driver even arrives, starting up the engine himself and revving out of the parking lot and onto the street like a madman. 

His phone starts to ring when he’s about 5 minutes away from the company building, his heart thudding like a drum in his chest as he checks the caller ID hoping to see Wooseok’s name. His anticipation fizzles out like air out of a balloon when Seungyeon’s name pops up instead, and he’s almost tempted to decline the call out of pure bitterness when his responsibilities remind him that it might be something important. 

“What?” he bites out with a lot more venom than poor Seungyeon deserves at this time of the day.

Seungyeon, as always, doesn’t let Jinhyuk’s terrible mood affect him in any way. “What got stuck up your butt this morning?” he laughs. Jinhyuk is about to snap back at him but pauses before the words leave his lips, recalling the nightmare he’d been having before Wooseok had woken him up. 

“I dreamt of Dongyeol again,” he confesses, his voice barely above a whisper despite him being the only person in the car. “I still think about him, all the time…”

His friend heaves a deep sigh. “Jinhyukie…” he says, disapproval heavy in his voice. 

“I know, I know, it’s been years and I shouldn’t still be but I just—“

“No, I get it, it was a huge part of your life and it’s difficult to just forget but think about Wooseok, you’re not just you anymore, not since you two started things.” 

Jinhyuk groans, knowing full well Seungyeon is completely right. “I messed up, I always mess up with him, I just don’t know what to do, everything I do just makes me think of that _prick_.” 

“You could start by apologising? God knows that’s something Jungseok never did,” Seungyeon tests, the faint hum of music playing in the background. He’s been in and out of a recording studio for long enough to recognise how it sounds. “Come over to observe the last session of recording with me, Wooseok, Jinwoo, and Yohan are here, you could apologise after they’ve left.” 

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

“You’re still going for the meet up, right?” Seungyeon asks, referring to their annual UP10TION reunion holiday. Every year they meet up for a week long holiday somewhere outside of Korea to catch up and make up for the time lost to their busy schedules, this year the destination has been decided (by whom he’s not quite sure) to be Paris, the city of love.

“I am, I’m bringing Wooseok along, too,” or at least he was supposed to, he’s not sure if Wooseok is still willing to go anywhere with him now after the stunt he pulled this morning.

Seungyeon whistles, impressed. “Wow, alright, that’s a big step. You’re basically bringing him home to meet the family, you know?”

“I’m well aware,” Jinhyuk sighs, hoping that this leap of progress doesn’t end up with him falling flat on his face.

Jinhyuk pulls up into the company parking lot with a loud screech of his tires, slamming the car door shut a lot more violently than he should in his rush to get to the studio and see Wooseok. The receptionist in the lobby who usually greets him with a smile and a ‘Good morning’ every day when he comes into work is blessedly silent this morning, obviously having picked up on his horrid mood from the moment he passed into the threshold. 

Seungyeon’s studio is a little ways down the hall from his own, memories of the many nights he and Wooseok have spent together in there working on the demos for the tracks of their debut album flashing through his mind as he passes by. He just needs to apologise and Wooseok will forgive him, won’t he?

He flings open the door of Seungyeon’s studio with a flourish, his personal key card granting him all access to every single room in the building. “Yo Jinhyukie~” Seungyeon greets, not even bothering to look up from his computer. “Just in time, we’re going to start on Jinwoo now.” 

“Appa!” Jinwoo calls out, waving from inside the recording booth. He has a set of large headphones on his head, the sheer size of it making it look almost more like a helmet. Jinhyuk smiles back despite his foul mood, unable to resist the innocent joy of Lee Jinwoo. “I’m doing my parts today!” 

“Yes, I know, I’m here to watch you, Jinwoo-yah,” he replies, taking his seat beside Seungyeon. Wooseok and Yohan are sat on the small sofa at the side of the room, the older of the two not even giving him a second glance even as Yohan stands up to bow respectfully. How is he going to apologise if Wooseok doesn’t even want to look at him? 

As much as he tries to concentrate on Jinwoo’s singing and rapping, he can’t help how his gaze drifts continually over to the side where Wooseok and Yohan are sat. Wooseok has dark circles beneath his eyes, probably from having been rudely awoken this morning by Jinhyuk’s nightmare. Jinhyuk's stomach is churning in jealousy as he watches Wooseok casually lean his head on Yohan’s shoulder, the younger boy patting at his hair and whispering softly into his ear. 

What the hell are they doing? Does Wooseok not care that he’s basically flirting with another guy right in front of his own boyfriend? Seungyeon notices him clenching his hands into tight fists, his nails cutting red crescents into the flesh of his palms. “Hey, calm down, you’re bleeding.” 

Oh. He is. 

He wipes the few droplets of crimson onto his black jeans and continues on with Jinwoo’s recording, trying his very hardest to ignore the twisting pain filling him at the sound of Wooseok’s soft laughter. Jinhyuk wants nothing more than to leap out of his chair and rip Wooseok out of Yohan’s grasp and into his own, making sure the younger boy knows exactly who Wooseok belongs to—

Belongs to?

No, no, _no_. Wooseok isn’t property, he doesn’t _own_ him, what is _wrong_ with him? He’s just like Jungseok, just like Jungseok, just like—

“How was that, Appa?” Jinwoo asks, a hopeful glint in his large eyes. Jinhyuk nods back in return, hiding his hands beneath the desk so that no one notices them trembling. 

“It was great, Jinwoo-yah, let’s try one more time just in case.” 

He hadn’t heard a single note of it. Hadn’t heard anything above the rush of blood in his ears and the ringing in his skull. 

Because no matter how hard Jinhyuk tries to avoid it, it seems that history is repeating itself once again. 

* * *

Where is he? He should have been back by now, it’s almost 1 am and Wooseok still hasn’t come home. He’s not picking up any of Jinhyuk’s calls either, not replying to any of his messages. Jinhyuk had gone through Wooseok’s recording session in complete silence, not able to bear how formally and impersonally Wooseok replied when he tried to speak to him. Eventually Wooseok had simply bowed to him and Seungyeon before heading off for practice, the debut lineup having extra last minute training before the company broke for a week long winter holiday. 

Wooseok had left the company building before Jinhyuk did, not a single trace of him or any of the other members to be seen. The two of them were meant to be leaving for their vacation the next morning so Jinhyuk hadn’t thought too much of his disappearance at the time, assuming that Wooseok would be home for an early night anyways. He’d been wrong, as has come to be the norm with his much younger lover.

Now, as the clock ticks closer and closer to 1:30 am, Jinhyuk can’t help the sheer panic in him due to Wooseok’s unknown whereabouts. He tries to call him again but the line goes straight to voicemail; his phone is either switched off or his battery is dead. Jinhyuk can only hope it’s the former: at least that way he has the option to switch it on again if he needs to call someone for help.

_“Stop, please, it hurts,” a familiar voice is crying, pained whines punctuating each breath._

_“You’re so pretty like this…”_

No, that won’t happen to Wooseok, it can’t.

But the thoughts don’t stop there, not now that the floodgates have been opened. What if Wooseok had gone out to a club again with his friends to celebrate, and had met someone out on the dance floor like they had so many months ago? What if he’d come across someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of no? What if Wooseok needs him like—

The elevator dings as the doors slide open, a droopy eyed Wooseok stumbling in and dragging his suitcase behind him. Jinhyuk throws his phone down onto the sofa and runs to him, wrapping him up in his arms so tightly he feels like he can’t breathe. Relief is washing over him like an ocean wave, the sight of Wooseok standing before him safe and unharmed almost enough to bring tears to his eyes. Wooseok, shocked by his sudden embrace remains quiet in his hold, breath catching ever so slightly as Jinhyuk moves back to look at him properly.

Then the smell hits him.

Alcohol.

“Have you been drinking?” he demands, holding onto Wooseok’s cheeks to force him to look him in the eye. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick! You didn’t pick up any of my calls or answer my messages—“

Wooseok scoffs, his jaw tight. “So you’re allowed to worry but I’m not? That’s fucking hypocritical and you know it.”

Jinhyuk ignores the jibe at his words from that morning and continues his interrogation, looking Wooseok over for any of the other telltale signs of a wild night out in a club. He’s far more accustomed with bloodshot eyes and sour breath than he’d like, but the memories will never leave him. “You smell like smoke too, have you been smoking? What the fuck have you been doing so late, huh? Where have you been?”

He’s shouting now but his worry has clouded his judgement, unable to think past making sure that Wooseok hasn’t been doing what another boy he used to love had a long time ago. His hands are clutched tightly around Wooseok’s shoulders, the anxiety turning his grip to iron. 

“You’re hurting me—“

“Where. Have. You. Been,” Jinhyuk repeats, forcing himself to relax his hold on Wooseok.

Wooseok’s eyes are watery and his limbs trembling, his breathing quick and shallow. “I was just out for dinner with some old friends—“

Jinhyuk curses. “Don’t lie to me, Wooseok.”

His lover gulps hard, the first of his tears slipping down his alcohol flushed cheeks. It’s the look in his eyes that slaps Jinhyuk out of his mania, the fear so prominent in them Jinhyuk can almost taste it on his tongue. Fear. _Fear_.

“The members heard about my family kicking me out so we had a home cooked early Christmas dinner at Yohan’s house, his parents were there so they were supervising us older kids to drink,” Wooseok explains, lips dry and cracked. “The smoky smell is from the barbecue, I would never smoke, I thought you knew that…” 

It feels like a bucket of ice water has been dumped over his head, regret filling him immediately as he reaches for Wooseok’s hands. The younger jerks away, turning from Jinhyuk with shaking shoulders. Wooseok doesn’t say another word as he makes the slow trek up the stairs with his suitcase in hand, the door to the guest bedroom closing behind him with an almost inaudible ‘ _click_ ’.

Jinhyuk remains frozen where he stands, the air in his chest turning to icicles that rip his insides to shreds, filling his lungs with blood. For the nth time that day, he wonders what exactly he’d just done.

He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. Jinhyuk heads to the balcony overlooking the city and steps out into the chilly night air, welcoming the freezing temperature that raises goosebumps instantly on his arms. He leans his head over the edge and sighs deeply, watching the cars on the street below whiz by in streaks of yellow light. _I’m such a fucking mess_ , he thinks, _my younger self would absolutely fucking hate me._

Was it the money that’s changed him? The fame and the fortune? The power that comes from his very soul not being tied to a stupid contract?

_“What do you want me to do?” Jinhyuk pleads, holding onto the sleeve of Dongyeol’s shirt to keep him from leaving. “I’ll do anything, just break up with him, I’ll become better, I promise!”_

_He swears he sees a glimmer slide down Dongyeol’s face but the younger turns away before he can check. “You can’t, Hyung, you’ll never be able to compete with him.”_

_“I’ll do it! Once we’re out of the contract I’ll start my own company and make more money than that bastard ever has in his shitty life, I’ll give you all the luxury you’ll ever want!” Jinhyuk is serious, more serious than he’s ever been in his life. He started off this job because he’d had the slightest shred of talent that the company had seen, but now he’s come so far: he’s writing his own music, producing and recording all on his own, learning to meet and gather his own network for side jobs. He can do it, he’s absolutely sure._

_Dongyeol only smirks, tugging his sleeve out of Jinhyuk’s grip with such force that Jinhyuk can feel the burn of friction on the pads of his fingers. “You can try, Hyung, I’ll be waiting.”_

_The way he says it doesn’t have hope sparking in his belly like it should, no, it feels far too much like resignation for that._

He’d been right, then. Dongyeol hadn’t ended up waiting for him, he’d taken off across the world without a trace the day their contracts with the company had been up. Jinhyuk hasn’t seen him for nearly six years now, and from what’s he’s heard from the other members, they haven’t either. He knows it hurts Jinwook and Sooil (their eldest) just how broken they’d allowed their little one to become, almost as much as it’s damaged Jinhyuk himself.

Jinhyuk lets old, bad habits guide his hand, fishing out the small pack of cigarettes he hasn’t quite been able to let go of just yet from his pocket. The feeling of the cigarette between his fingers reminds him of that first night at the club, of Wooseok crashing into both him and his very existence in one fell swoop. It feels like an eternity ago, when things were simpler, when the line between his past and present was distinct and impenetrable.

Now everything is blurred and Jinhyuk doesn’t know what to do anymore.

He lights the cigarette and is about to put it to his lips when he hears the glass door to the balcony slide open behind him, the soft cough that follows making him feel like he’s just committed a horrible felony.

“I thought you weren’t going to smoke anymore,” Wooseok says as he steps out onto the balcony in his night clothes, already starting to shiver from the cold. The shorter boy reaches out to take the cigarette from Jinhyuk’s hand and brings it to his own lips. “Since you already falsely accused me of it earlier, I might as well do it, right?”

Jinhyuk smashes their mouths together, nibbling at Wooseok’s bottom lip in a way he knows drives the younger absolutely insane. Once Wooseok is sufficiently distracted, he grabs the cigarette from Wooseok’s now loosened grip and launches it over the side of the building, not caring where in the world it’ll land. Wooseok pulls back then, noticing Jinhyuk’s trick.

“Naughty,” is all he says with a tired smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Wooseok digs into Jinhyuk’s pocket for the remainder of his cigarettes and holds it up with that same smile, waving the box in his face. “I’ll be taking these, then, goodnight Jinhyuk.”

He turns around to go back inside but Jinhyuk stops him, the scene feeling far too familiar for his liking. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, knowing that Wooseok has heard him by the way his shoulders tense up. “I messed up, both this morning and just now, I really didn’t mean to treat you like that.”

Wooseok looks up at him, sceptical. “Then why did you?”

Jinhyuk’s breath catches. “I- I don’t know, I was just so worried about you because you weren’t receiving any of my calls and I’d thought something bad had happened to you that I just snapped, I shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have,” Wooseok agrees, pulling nervously at the hem of one of Jinhyuk’s large t-shirts that he likes to wear to bed. “And this morning?”

He sighs, leaning back over the railing to feel the wind whipping through his hair. “There’s a lot of shit that happened back when I was in UP10TION that you don’t know about, shit that’s messed me up so bad I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again.”

Wooseok pads over and takes his cheek in his hand, tilting his face to look at him with those soft, beautiful eyes that Jinhyuk could happily stare into for eternity. “Tell me…” he whispers, his expression open and comforting. 

He doesn’t tell him about Dongyeol, he can’t, not without reopening a still healing wound and rubbing salt into it. So he skims over the details, he tells him about betraying UP10TION by refusing to re-sign the contracts with the company, about how it’d taken him years to get them to fully forgive him. He knows Changhyun still holds the smallest of grudges against him for it, but he thinks they’re somewhat okay now.

He knows that Wooseok can tell he’s not saying everything, that there’s still a secret he harbours deep in his heart. But he doesn’t ask, doesn’t prod. Wooseok merely takes his hand in his and leads him back inside the apartment to the kitchen, seating him down at the counter with a gentle kiss on the cheek that makes Jinhyuk feel like he’s 17 years old all over again, fresh and unmarred by the poison of the world.

“Let’s have some ramyeon, okay?” Wooseok says as he pulls out two packs of ramyeon from his cupboard. When Wooseok had first started staying over at his apartment not long after their first night together, he’d been absolutely appalled by the lack of junk food and snacks in his house that he’d found an unused cupboard in Jinhyuk’s kitchen which he’d proceeded to fill up with ramyeon and miscellaneous snacks. It’s terribly unhealthy yet still wonderfully delicious, a guilty pleasure that Jinhyuk has found himself enjoying on some of his more tiring nights.

Wooseok knows just how he likes his ramyeon now, with an egg cracked in and some kimchi on the side. The smell of the ramyeon in front of him brings memories of younger days in the dorms with the other UP10TION members to the forefront of his mind, of bone weary nights spent huddled around their small TV with pots of ramyeon in hand against the cold. Those had been better days; he thinks Wooseok might even have loved that Jinhyuk far more than this one.

“I lo—“ he tries again, the splash of the egg Wooseok has just cracked into the pot drowning out his words.

Wooseok glances over his shoulder at him. “Did you say something? I couldn’t hear.”

Jinhyuk shakes his head, hating himself for it. “No, you must have imagined it.”

* * *

Wooseok looks like he’s about to vomit as he takes his seat on the plane, gripping onto Jinhyuk’s hand so tightly he feels like all blood circulation to the appendage has been cut off. He knows it’s the younger’s first time flying, but he doesn’t recall himself being this nervous his first time. Wooseok had been excited all the way from the apartment to the airport, having been the one to wake Jinhyuk up far earlier than required and lug their suitcases all the way to the car despite their driver being there to do it instead.

They’d booked an early morning flight so they’d arrive in Paris sometime in the afternoon, just to get the most out of their time there. Convincing Wooseok to come with him to meet the UP10TION members hadn’t been easy, with the younger adamant that the expenses were far too much for him to be able to repay and that Jinhyuk should appreciating his time with his members instead of having to drag him around as well.

Needless to say Jinhyuk had managed to convince him, though it had taken three orgasms and a large bowl of tteokbokki to do so.

“It’ll be okay, Wooseokie,” he reassures his lover, pressing a kiss to their joint hands. “It’ll be a nice, comfortable ride, don’t worry.” 

Wooseok’s teeth are gritted so Jinhyuk is almost unable to decipher the words that come out of his mouth. “It better be with how much money you’ve spent on this stupid first class suite,” he hisses and Jinhyuk recalls (with much humour) just how Wooseok’s eyes had bugged out of his head upon sight of the receipt for the tickets. “We’re just paying to be the first to die if the plane nosedives into the ocean, you know right?”

Jinhyuk yawns, leaning over to bury his face in Wooseok’s neck. They’d closed the partition curtains to their suite once they’d gotten seated, so there’s no worry of any cameras or fans catching them in the act. “No one is nosediving into the ocean, Wooseokie,” he mumbles, the movement of his lips against the sensitive skin of Wooseok’s neck making the younger giggle.

“It could, this is a death trap just waiting to happen!” Wooseok insists. “It’s a giant hunk of metal flying thousands of feet in the air, we’re just asking for disaster at this point!”

Jinhyuk silences his panicking lover with a kiss, their lips sliding together lazily. It’s still a little too early for Jinhyuk’s brain to be fully functioning but kissing Wooseok is a wonderful experience at any time of the day, the feel of his lips soft and oh so delicious. He pulls away just in time for the air stewardess to poke her head in asking if they’d like any drinks, telling them that breakfast will be served shortly.

Wooseok looks like the cutest little bean Jinhyuk has ever seen as he sips at the orange juice the stewardess had brought for him, breathing still a little quicker than usual but much calmer than when the plane had been taking off. Oh Wooseok had been a _wreck_ then, looking about five seconds away from projectile vomiting all over the front of their suite as the plane started speeding down the runway.

He falls asleep not long after he finishes his breakfast, mouth falling open as he lets out the tiniest of snores that have Jinhyuk’s heart leaping. Jinhyuk closes his eyes soon after as well, holding onto Wooseok’s hand as he slips into a deep slumber. It’s going to be a long flight, they might as well get some rest.

* * *

“Hurry up! Our bags are gonna get stolen if we don’t get to baggage claim faster!” Wooseok exclaims, literally dragging him through the crowded airport at a furious pace. Jinhyuk honestly feels like his arm is about to pop out of his socket from how hard Wooseok is yanking at it.

Jinhyuk laughs. “No one is stealing our luggages, Wooseokie,” he calls out, the reassurance not slowing Wooseok down in the slightest. “We don’t have to run through the airport like lunatics!”

Wooseok ignores him, still striding determinately in the direction of the baggage claim. “Who did you say was picking us up again?”

The members had messaged him upon their arrival that one of them would be coming to pick them up at the airport and guide them to the hotel. Jinhyuk had tried to insist on just taking a taxi but Jinwook had been hearing none of it, hanging up before he could protest any further. He wonders who’s the unlucky one that’s been sent out to fetch them, not recalling Jinwook having mentioned it at any point in their short conversation.

He has to actually _elbow_ Wooseok out of the way to grab their bags off the conveyer himself as the younger boy tries to take them. Wooseok looks like he could actually break in two trying to carry the heavy suitcases, and Jinhyuk’s not about to let his boyfriend do all the heavy lifting on this trip. The only reason Wooseok had been the one to bring their bags to the car was because he’d snuck out while Jinhyuk was in the shower to do so, his little excursion speedy enough that he’d managed to make it back before Jinhyuk was done. Little sneak…

Jinhyuk even has to literally _dive_ for a trolley so that Wooseok doesn’t end up pushing it instead, the pain from his bashed knee is _nothing_ in comparison to the sheer satisfaction he gets at how red Wooseok blushes as he holds tightly onto the straps of Jinhyuk’s bag so they don’t get separated. The air here smells different to Seoul, the faces around them foreign and strange.

This is a new land, a place completely different to the horrors of his past. Maybe he’ll be able to say it here, maybe he’ll be able to make things right.

“Ooh, I think someone is holding up a card with your name on it, Jinhyuk-ah!” Wooseok says excitedly, pointing at a tall figure standing behind the barrier separating the crowd from the arrivals gate. Jinhyuk follows the direction of Wooseok’s finger and searches for a familiar face in the crowd.

His heart stops. He feels like his whole world has been turned upside down, his ears ringing with what sounds like a scream. His limbs feel numb, he thinks he’s stopped moving but Wooseok is continuing to pull him along. Closer and closer; Jinhyuk can’t breathe, his heart is pounding so hard he thinks it might burst out of his chest. 

Closer.

Closer.

And then—

“Hey, Jinhyuk-hyung, long time no see, huh?”

There he is, standing before them with bright, glittering eyes Jinhyuk hasn’t seen for a long, _long_ time. He’s smiling, truly smiling, his cheeks round and flushed with life.

“Dongyeol,” he whispers, his hand falling from Wooseok’s grip.

He’s not sure which of them let go, but he hates that it might very well be him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this is the new chapter, the start of the Paris arc huehuehue. Everyone say hi to Dongyeol he doesn't mean any harm, he's just here to drive a wedge between Weishin no biggie <3 I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and do leave a kudo and a review, it really means a lot <3
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for spoilers!


	8. Your Heart is Unclear to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING: some mention of non-con and rape at the end, please skip it if it will cause any discomfort or panic*
> 
> PS: for a better reading experience, listen to Moments by Christopher after the 5th time skip (line break)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEcNhCfdpTY

“Hyung! You’re looking great!” Dongyeol exclaims, rushing over to wrap his arms around Jinhyuk in a tight hug. Jinhyuk freezes at the contact; he no longer feels the skin-crawling disgust he’d used to before, but he prefers to avoid skinship whenever possible. Wooseok, noticing his discomfort, gently tugs on Jinhyuk’s shirt to move him away, smiling apologetically at Dongyeol as he does. Dongyeol hums as if he’s only just noticed Wooseok’s presence. “Ah, who is this, Hyung?”

Jinhyuk takes Wooseok’s offered hand gratefully, intertwining their fingers for comfort. Wooseok feels like a pillar to him right now, regardless of his stature: he’s the only thing keeping him upright in the face of Lee Dongyeol. He clears his throat, unaware of when the lump he now feels in it had formed. “T-This is Kim Wooseok, my b-boyfriend. Wooseok, this is L-Lee Dongyeol, stage name Xiao, UP10TION’s ex maknae. ”

He hates that he’s stuttering, hates that he sounds so unsure.

“I see, hello,” Dongyeol dips his head in the tiniest of bows which Wooseok quickly returns at a much steeper angle, running his gaze over Wooseok’s small form only once before looking back to Jinhyuk. He smiles then, that same heart-fluttering smile he’d worn almost every hour of every day before he met Jungseok. “Shall we get going, Hyung? The car is outside waiting!”

Jinhyuk shifts his backpack on his shoulders and grabs the handlebars of the trolley, prepared to follow Dongyeol through the crowd to the car. Wooseok looks a little confused at Dongyeol’s cold greeting but follows nonetheless, still holding onto Jinhyuk’s bag strap much like a young child would. _He’s so cute_ , Jinhyuk thinks, _Wooseok is truly the cutest_.

The moment they step out of the airport doors a rush of wind hits them head on, the icy chill of it sending a full body shudder down Jinhyuk’s spine. Wooseok steps closer to him in an attempt to hide from the cold, the short coat he has on obviously not enough for this sort of temperature. Lucky Jinhyuk had had the foresight to pack an extra coat for the younger in his suitcase, so at least he won’t have to arm wrestle with Wooseok in public again to let him buy a new coat for him here.

They’d come to that strange compromise after the nth argument between them about Jinhyuk buying things for Wooseok, with Wooseok only agreeing to the purchase if Jinhyuk were able to beat him in some form of game. Their last tang-su-yuk game at the North Face for Wooseok’s puffer had gone on for uncomfortably long in front of the sales attendant…

He doesn’t doubt his ability to beat Wooseok in arm wrestling, but it’s just a teeny bit embarrassing to have to fight for the right to buy something for his own lover. 

“Here, give me your bag, Hyung, I’ll help you load it on!” Dongyeol says, reaching for Jinhyuk’s suitcase.

He shakes his head. “I’m fine, I’ll do it myself, could you help Wooseok with his though?” he asks, jerking his chin in the direction of Wooseok’s bag. It’s smaller than Jinhyuk’s and lighter, but it’d still be better for Wooseok to have some help with loading it into the car.

“Jinhyuk-ah, I can handle it on my own,” Wooseok insists, lifting the suitcase from the trolley with a soft groan of effort. His lips are pursed tightly in determination, his knuckles white around the bag handles.

Dongyeol shrugs, giving him yet another glimmering smile. “You see Hyung, he can handle it himself, right Wooseokie?”

Wooseok’s eye twitches at the informal address. Jinhyuk can’t help but wince at Dongyeol’s tactlessness too: Dongyeol may be the elder to Wooseok in this equation, but they’re still far too much of a stranger to each other to be acting so informally.

He opens his mouth to reprimand Dongyeol when Wooseok grabs at his hand, shaking his head in the tiniest of movements when Jinhyuk turns instead to look at him. Wooseok gives his hand a light squeeze before heading to the car, the action conveying all of the words Wooseok can’t say out loud right now: _‘Don’t fight my battles for me’, ‘Don’t make your group members hate me’, ‘I’m okay’_. 

Jinhyuk wants to argue but he knows his boyfriend is right: there’s no point antagonising Dongyeol so early on into the trip for a matter so insignificant. He might choose to have a few words with him about treating Wooseok more nicely, but that’ll have to be later in private.

The car is a black SUV, large enough to fit half of their group of eight. Jinhyuk opens the door to the back seat for Wooseok to move in, a grateful smile flitting over his boyfriend’s face as he steps up into the vehicle. 

“Ah,” Dongyeol stops him with a hand placed territorially over the armrest of the seat Wooseok is claiming. “Could you sit in the back? I want to sit with Jinhyukie-Hyung to catch up, you don’t mind, do you?” 

Wooseok grits his teeth but doesn’t utter a single word of complaint. “Sure thing, Dongyeol-ssi.”

Dongyeol smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, moving in to sit on the seat Wooseok vacates with a strange sort of satisfaction that doesn’t sit very well in Jinhyuk’s stomach. He meets Jinhyuk’s eyes as he pats the seat beside him. “Come sit, Hyung!”

Not wishing to brave the cold for any longer, Jinhyuk slips into the vacant seat beside Dongyeol and removes his backpack. He turns to check on Wooseok in the back, staring pointedly at his unbuckled seatbelt in reminder. Wooseok rolls his eyes and sticks a pink tongue out at him. “Nag,” he mouths as the buckle clicks into the place, settling himself into the seat in a more comfortable position.

This isn’t quite what Jinhyuk had been picturing for the car ride to the hotel, quite the opposite in fact. He’d been picturing a slow drive down the wintry roads, hand in hand with Wooseok as they peer out onto the Parisian landscapes…

Guess that plan’s a bust.

“Hyung, aren’t you glad to see me?” Dongyeol hums, leaning forward across the gap between their seats so his face is mere inches away from Jinhyuk’s. He can smell the woody musk of his cologne, the scent unfamiliar but not unwelcome. Anything is better than acrid sourness of drugs and alcohol after all. “It’s been so long since we’ve talked~” 

Jinhyuk moves back to have an extra few inches between them. “You’re right, Dongyeol-ah, though you had a bit more control over that than I did.”

He’d blocked all of their numbers the day their contract had expired—the day he’d walked away from them and never looked back. It was almost as if Dongyeol had some sort of sixth sense, because no matter what number or platform they’d attempt to contact him on, he somehow would always know it was them. 

“Aw~ Don’t be mad, Hyung, I’m here now aren’t I?” Dongyeol grins, pearly white teeth glinting in the light. Jinhyuk has to keep his focus from sliding down to Dongyeol’s lips, though the cherry red lip tint the maknae has applied isn’t making that very easy for him. “Didn’t you miss me Hyung?”

Dongyeol reaches for his hand and takes it in his, squeezing lightly just as Wooseok had just moments ago. It doesn’t carry quite the same meaning though, and the shudder that traverses down his back in response to the touch is enough for Jinhyuk to pull his hand out of Dongyeol’s grasp.

He knows that Wooseok is watching him, knows that he’s studying Dongyeol’s every move and putting it all together in his head. He’ll find out about their past together soon enough, Jinhyuk doesn’t doubt it for a second.

Jinhyuk gulps, trying to calm his quickening breath and pounding heart. “Of course, you’re our precious maknae, after all.”

Said precious maknae smirks, running a tongue over his lips far too slowly to simply be intending to wet them. “But I was something more to you, right _Jinhyuk-ah_?”

The informal address makes Jinhyuk’s blood run cold. The memory of the day he’d given Dongyeol the permission to do so surging to the forefront of his mind. It feels like a cruel joke now, the intimacy he’d been intending now feeling more like a mockery of the feelings he’d once held so close to his heart.

It stings, it truly does.

He opens his mouth but no words seem to come out, the consonants and vowels stuck in his throat like rancid meat. His hands are trembling so he hides them between his thighs, hoping Dongyeol hasn’t noticed his _weakness_. Dongyeol looks about to say something else when Wooseok pipes up from the back.

“Do you mind if I address you informally as well, Dongyeol-ssi?” Wooseok asks, his tone the epitome of innocence. “Could I call you Hyung? Or perhaps even _Dongyeollie_? We’re all close friends here, right?”

Dongyeol’s jaw stiffens and he turns to look back at Wooseok with a hard smile. “I don’t think I know you quite well enough for—“

“And you haven’t spoken to Jinhyuk for almost seven years now, so I don’t think _you_ know him very well now either.”

Surprisingly, Dongyeol doesn’t argue. Instead, he simply lets out a bright laugh, the sound hearty and rich. “You’re a funny one, Wooseok-ssi, though I wonder if I can say the same to you. After all, you only know the side of him that has the money to pay for all of your things, right? Should I tell you all about—”

“Dongyeol!” Jinhyuk shouts, finally finding his voice again. Both he and Wooseok jump in their seats, startled at Jinhyuk’s loud outburst. He forces himself to breathe, to calm down. “Let’s not argue on such a lovely day, let’s keep all the embarrassing old stories for dinnertime.” 

Dongyeol shrugs, placing a hand on Jinhyuk’s shoulder in apology. “Alright, Hyung, forgive me?” he stares up at him with large, pleading eyes, the tip of his tongue poking out between those pink lips. For a moment Dongyeol looks so much like he did when he was 15 that Jinhyuk can’t find it in himself to draw breath, can’t do anything to stop the way his heart gives a traitorous thump in his chest.

“Yeah, of course, Dongyeol-ah,” he replies. If anyone else catches the way his voice cracks on Dongyeol’s name, they don’t say a single word.

* * *

“Aish! How could he be so _rude_? I know you’re ex group mates but he still addressed you informally without honorifics. He looked at me like I was _trash_ , like I was a _whore_ who you pay to suck your—“ Jinhyuk holds a finger to Wooseok’s lips to quieten him, using his other hand to grasp Wooseok’s. 

Jinhyuk presses a kiss to the back of Wooseok’s knuckles. “Just ignore him babe, things are just a little testy since it’s been so long since we’ve seen him.”

Wooseok snorts and crosses his arms over his chest with a roll of his eyes. “Testy? _Testy_? He was putting his hands all over you even though you were uncomfortable with it and you’re just going to let it slide? And besides, why haven’t you been in contact with him anyways, did things end on bad terms? What aren’t you telling me that he _obviously_ knows?”

“Wooseokie it’s nothing you have to worry about—”

“ _Don’t_ talk down to me like I’m a child!” Wooseok exclaims, standing up from the couch in their hotel suite. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, his mouth tight. “You’re keeping secrets, you always have been. It’s so unfair, I’ve told you everything but you hide so much from me…” 

Wooseok turns to him, eyes wet with unshed tears. “And then that- that _guy_ comes around and calls you so intimately and shares so much history with you and you’re telling me I don’t have to _worry_ about it?” Jinhyuk can see his chest rising and falling with the intensity of his anger, hear the hurt lacing every word that falls from his lips.

He reaches for Wooseok’s hand but he snatches it away, his gaze falling to the floor. Not for the first time in his life, Jinhyuk feels utterly helpless. He could just tell him, admit every dark and dirty secret he still keeps hidden in his heart… 

Maybe Wooseok will understand, maybe Wooseok will stay…

“I—“

 _‘Ding dong~’_ the doorbell rings and Wooseok heads to the door to open it. Jinhyuk can see him wiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater as he walks, his arm dropping back to his side as if he hadn’t moved it at all.

Jinhyuk _aches_ , the very air he breathes feels like knives dragging along his throat, his heart beating between his ribs in a way that has his very bones rattling in pain. Everything around him feels dull and blurry; all he can see is Wooseok’s slumped shoulders and dragging feet.

 _He_ did that, _he’s_ the one who’d taken that vibrant, beautiful boy and sucked everything he has out of him, leaving behind a hollowed, broken shell. It was him, it’s always him…

“Hey! You must be Wooseok-ssi! Jinhyuk’s boyfriend, right? It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Jinwook is saying as he wraps Wooseok in a tight hug, as loud and overwhelming as he always has been. “Seungyeon’s told us a lot about you!”

Wooseok tilts his head to the side, confused. “Seungyeon-ssi?”

Seungyeon pokes his head up from behind Jinwook, a sheepish grin on his face. “Hello Wooseokie~ Nice to see you outside of the company.” 

“Jinhyukie was being all tight-lipped about you so we had to get our information somewhere, right Jinhyuk-ah?” Sooil calls out, turning the attention back to him. Sooil has barely kicked off his shoes before he charges into the room, barrelling straight into Jinhyuk and sending them both flying into the sofa. “Nice to see you again, brother, you’re looking well.”

“Yeah of course he is, Wooseokie has been making sure he’s eating all his meals, no more energy bars for our Jinhyukie,” Seungyeon boasts, patting Wooseok’s head hard enough to make Wooseok wobble on his feet. Jinhyuk starts forward, ready to rip Seungyeon off of him when Wooseok starts to laugh, a bright, joyous laugh that has everyone else in the room laughing right along with him. 

Jinhyuk excuses himself to the bathroom, ignoring Jinwook and Minsoo’s concerned questions as he stumbles down the hallway to the master bathroom. He shuts the door behind him as quietly as he can, locking it and sliding down to the ground. The marble tiles feel cold beneath his bare feet but Jinhyuk can’t bring himself to care, the high ringing in his ears overwhelming every one of his senses.

_“S-st-stop it…” he tries to shout but his voice doesn’t come out. Dongyeol is crying, he needs to do something, he needs to—_

“Jinhyuk-ah?” Sooil is knocking on the bathroom door, it’s just him judging by the lack of any other voices. “Can I come in?”

No, he can’t let any of them see him like this.

“I-I’m fine, just a bit of an upset stomach from the plane food,” he says, hoping that that’d be enough to reassure his friend.

Of course it isn’t, though. “Come on, Jinhyuk-ah, I’ve seen you eat week-old soondae that would kill any normal human being without any issues, I highly doubt your fancy first class plane lunch would be enough to even give you indigestion.” 

Jinhyuk groans at having been caught, admitting defeat as he stands up to unlock the door for Sooil. The elder is grinning like a cheshire cat when Jinhyuk opens the door, grabbing Jinhyuk in a head lock and digging a hand into his ribs to make him laugh. “You’re still a little brat no matter how old you are, Jinhyukie, leaving your little boyfriend to the wolves.”

“The only wolf in UP10TION is you, Hyung, I’d say Wooseok is pretty safe.”

“Ah, but Changhyun was the one to invite Wooseok to go swimming at the pool, so perhaps you should widen your definition of _wolf_ a little,” Sooil teases, enjoying riling Jinhyuk up as he always has. “But on a serious note, Jinhyuk-ah, what’s wrong? You can tell Hyung.”

The floor is starting to feel less icy beneath him, but it gets much warmer when Sooil moves to sit beside him, an arm thrown lazily over his shoulder. Without any of the younger ones around to tease him, Jinhyuk lets himself lean into Sooil, clinging to the elder for comfort much like he had back when they were younger and infinitely dumber.

“You didn’t tell me Dongyeol was going to be here this year,” he whispers, staring down at his hands. They’d used to be rough and calloused, from chores to composing on his guitar. Now they’re smooth and soft, the least one can expect from the best skincare specialists in Seoul. He and the members used to laugh at their sponsors and chaebols for it, used to call them spoilt and ignorant…

Now look where he is.

Sooil hums, leaning his head against Jinhyuk’s. “It was arranged only a few days ago, it must have slipped my mind in between all the packing and planning,” he admits. “I’m sorry, Jinhyuk-ah, I know how much what happened with Dongyeol hurt you.”

“It hurt all of us.”

“Yes, but you especially.” 

Jinhyuk forces a laugh to lighten the heavy atmosphere forming between them. “I was just surprised, is all, I’ll be fine once we all start talking again like we did before.”

“I know there’s something you and Dongyeol are hiding,” Sooil says and Jinhyuk feels all the colour drain from his face. “I’m not going to pry it out of you though I know I probably should, but I’m just telling you that nothing stays a secret forever, and some things are best heard from our own mouths than someone else’s.”

He stands up and dusts off his jeans, holding a hand out to Jinhyuk to help him up as well. Jinhyuk takes it and gets to his feet, sighing at the slight twinge of pain in his lower back. They’re not young anymore, not even close; but with Sooil he can’t help but feel like he is.

“You just rest up, okay? We’ll take care of Wooseok for a little while.”

Jinhyuk isn’t sure how comfortable he feels with leaving Wooseok alone with his members and his face must betray that as Sooil reaches over to pat him comfortingly on the shoulder. He smiles that heartbreaking smile that had had all the girls falling over him back in UP10TION. “Let Jinwook have his fun, you know he’s been dying for a new little one to baby since Dongyeol grew up so fast.”

“Fast is an understatement,” he mutters, ignoring Sooil’s pointed _look_. It’s the same look he’d used to give him and Seungyeon when they would tease Jinwook for being their mum, or when they’d stay out late pigging out on street food with the ahjumma down the street and turn off their phones so none of their managers could catch them and drag them home.

Sooil would always know where they were, though, the same way he knows exactly what secrets Jinhyuk has been keeping buried in his heart all these years. He’ll never say them out loud and expose him, just like he’d never ratted them out to the managers. But he knows, and he knows Jinhyuk knows he knows too.

Damn, why did it have to be Sooil to come and check on him? Why couldn’t it be someone less perceptive, like Minsoo or Changhyun, the only person worse than Sooil would be Seungyeon and he already has to suffer his daily hounding at the company.

“I’ll see you tonight at dinner, dress nicely yeah, we’re eating fancy tonight,” Sooil advises as he exits the suite with a wave of his hand. “Rest well, Jinhyuk-ah.”

He doubts he will, but he figures a nice hot bath will be a good place to start on trying to.

* * *

“Isn’t the Eiffel Tower beautiful at night?” he hums, eyeing Wooseok as the boy stares out of the window at the Parisian night lights. Wooseok nods but doesn’t say a word, hurt still drawn on the gentle curve of his lips. They hadn’t spoken more than a few words back in the suite, Wooseok had even nearly gotten onto a different car with Jinwook and Seungyeon to avoid him.

Not for the first time since they’d gotten together, Jinhyuk wonders if perhaps they aren’t right together after all. 

“Are you upset with me?” Jinhyuk asks though he knows full well Wooseok is.

Wooseok turns to look him straight in the eye for the first time that evening, “Yes. Yes I _am_ upset with you Jinhyuk, very much so in fact,” he says far too calmly for Jinhyuk’s liking. “Are you finally going to _actually_ tell me things now?” 

He sighs in frustration, not knowing how he should respond with Seungyeon in the car. The three of them had taken the smaller car, Sooil and Jinwook having dragged Dongyeol into theirs before the younger could latch onto Jinhyuk. Jinhyuk sneaks a glance over at the front seat where Seungyeon is sat, hoping that the earphones he has in are actually playing and not just for show. 

“Wooseok it’s not that easy, a lot of it isn’t my story to tell and—“

“It’s Dongyeol-ssi’s, right? Should I go and ask him instead?” Wooseok threatens and Jinhyuk forces himself to look away, knowing he won’t be able to hold onto his resolve with Wooseok pouting like that. Wooseok pauses and Jinhyuk can actually see the gears turning in his brain as he starts to connect the dots in the story. “W-were you two dating before? Is that what you’re hiding?”

“No, that’s not it, I just really can’t tell you.”

“Oh, we’re here,” Seungyeon pipes up suddenly, distracting him and Wooseok from their heated discussion. Wooseok gives him a glare that promises they’ll be continuing this discussion later and Jinhyuk gulps, a sinking feeling in his gut telling him that this isn’t going to end well. Seungyeon opens Wooseok’s door for him and he steps out into the cold, pulling the coat Jinhyuk had set out for him tighter around his body.

A body rams into his side and he almost slips on a patch of ice on the pavement, stumbling a little until he regains his balance. “Hyung!” Dongyeol beams at him as he holds onto his arm to steady him, his cheeks flushed red from the cold winds. “The lights are so pretty, aren’t they?”

He looks away from Jinhyuk and points up at the Eiffel tower with a look of utmost awe, his jaw slack as the twinkling Christmas lights decorating the trees along the streets. Dongyeol links their arms together and they rejoin the group, Dongyeol clutching onto him tightly despite how deep of a hole Wooseok’s glare is burning into Dongyeol’s forehead.

Jinhyuk is trying his best to remove his arm from Dongyeol’s hold as inconspicuously as he can but the boy’s grip feels like _iron_ around him, cold and unrelenting. Noticing his predicament, Seungyeon quickly swoops in and drapes an arm over Wooseok’s shoulders, guiding him along the streets towards the tower where they’ve made their reservations for dinner.

“I’ve missed you a lot, Hyung,” Dongyeol says softly to him as they walk the short distance to the tower. “I’m sorry that I left you all so suddenly, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back after… After everything that happened.”

In a moment of bravery, Dongyeol reaches down for his gloved hand and intertwines their fingers. Jinhyuk shudders but can’t find it in himself to pull away, studying the feeling of Dongyeol’s fingers between his and wondering just why they feel so wrong. He looks up from their joint hands and his heart sinks, the betrayal glinting in those gorgeous eyes stabbing straight into his gut and twisting as Wooseok trembles and turns away, shifting ever so slightly closer to Seungyeon.

He jerks his hand away from Dongyeol but it’s far too late, the damage is done. He moves forwards to try and get him, to tell him it wasn’t what it seemed. “Wooseok—“

But he’s stopped by a hand holding tightly onto the sleeve of his coat, keeping him from moving any further. “Don’t, Hyung, don’t go.”

“What are you trying to do, Dongyeol?” he breathes, staring down at the face of the boy he’d used to love. If they had met again a year ago—half a year ago, perhaps Jinhyuk would have been more open to Dongyeol’s obvious advances. But he has Wooseok now, and he’d choose him above anyone else in the whole wide world no matter how much he shouldn’t. “Why are you trying to _ruin_ me again, after _everything_ you put me through before…”

Dongyeol’s soft, longing gaze freezes over in a second, turning hard and cold and all too familiar. “Shouldn’t I be saying the same to you, Hyung? I know you were there that night; you _let_ it happen, you _let_ him hurt me—“

“I didn’t know what to do! I was _scared_ , Dongyeol-ah, I couldn’t move and I couldn’t _breathe_ ,” he’s shouting now but he doesn’t care: Wooseok and the rest have already entered the tower. It’s just him and Dongyeol now, the world around them fading to a blur of faces and lights and songs that Jinhyuk can’t quite register in his brain.

“You were supposed to _save me_!” Dongyeol screams back, pupils blown wide. “None of you came to help me, not even once!”

Jinhyuk scoffs despite the guilt building up slowly in him. “You don’t think we tried? We all tried so _fucking_ hard to help you but you didn’t even want to help yourself!”

_‘SLAP!’_

A stinging pain blooms in his cheek as his head snaps to the side from the force of the blow, utter _fury_ painted across Dongyeol’s handsome features as he glares up at him. Jinhyuk doesn’t say another word as he turns on his heels and heads to the tower, taking the first elevator up without even caring whether or not Dongyeol is following him.

He stares through the glass walls surrounding him out onto the city, the lights from the cars and street lights down below forming pathways of bright whites and yellows spreading out from the Trocadéro. _It’s beautiful_ , he thinks to himself not for the first time that night, wondering how such a bustling city can somehow still look so peaceful.

 _It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault,_ he repeats to himself like a mantra, the words Dongyeol had so angrily thrown at him now burning into his soul like acid. He’s spent all these years since the disbandment thinking that they weren’t to blame for what happened with Dongyeol, that they had tried to snap him out of it and that he was the one who refused their help.

But should they have tried harder? _Could_ they have tried harder? Was it their fault that Dongyeol had lost all those years of happiness and youth? Are they to blame after all?

“Do you have a reservation, sir?” the hostess at the front desk of the restaurant asks as he walks up, though he doesn’t even remember exiting the elevator. He mutters Jinwook’s name in reply and is guided to their table by a smiling waiter. Jinhyuk snorts: he can almost see the dollar signs flashing in the eyes of all of the waitstaff in the restaurant at how much money he and his friends will be spending tonight. 

Money, money, money, it’s always about money.

“Jinhyukie! Where’s Dongyeol? Did he go to the bathroom?” Minsoo asks as he takes his seat at the table beside Seungyeon and Sooil. He shrugs in reply, ignoring Sooil’s questioning stare. Wooseok is sat in between Seungyeon and Jinwook, the latter happily chattering away with him about something he’s showing him on his phone. Jinhyuk feels the sting of rejection but doesn’t comment on it out loud, choosing instead to stare down at the menu in front of him. 

The prices are absurd and the descriptions in French so Jinhyuk gives up quickly, tuning in to the conversations beside him. Changhyun and Seungyeon are having an in depth discussion on their latest music across the table, with Seungyeon gesturing wildly with his arms and pulling Wooseok in at regular intervals. They must be talking about X1’s debut songs…

Sooil is the one who ends up ordering their food, breaking out in perfect French and shocking the hell out of their waiter with his fluency—Sooil always has been good at languages after all. Dongyeol doesn’t show up until their appetisers have arrived, not a single hint of the resentment he’d had for Jinhyuk just a little while ago present on his face. He’s actually _glowing_ as he walks in the room, a beaming smile on his cheeks as he leans forward to hug Jinwook from the back.

“Hyung, can I sit with you?” he asks Jinwook. Jinhyuk can see their eldest hyung crumbling against Dongyeol’s pleading tone and though Minsoo who is sat on Jinwook’s other side offers to move, Dongyeol turns to look at Wooseok instead. “You can move, right _Wooseokie_? I mean, you don’t really belong with us anyways.”

Wooseok’s eyes are wide with shock, his lips parted as he tries to find the words to reply. “Dongyeol!” Jinhyuk scolds, hating the flash of hurt across Wooseok’s face as he begrudgingly stands up from his seat. “Don’t be rude, Wooseok isn’t just some stranger—“

“No, he’s just your little slut,” Dongyeol hums matter-of-factly as he takes Wooseok’s now vacated seat. Wooseok’s fists are clenched at his side, his jaw tight. Jinwook places a hand on Dongyeol’s shoulder and squeezes warningly, trying to keep him from causing a scene. “What? I’m not wrong. I’d know after all, Jungseok used to drag me around like this with his friends too.”

Jinwook visibly grimaces, gripping onto Dongyeol so tightly his knuckles are white. “Dongyeol…”

“Oh look, the food’s here, let’s dig in everyone!”

Jinhyuk stands up from the table so quickly the cutlery shake, the drag of his chair across the floor making a loud screeching noise. He walks towards his boyfriend and offers him a hand. Wooseok’s fingers are trembling as he takes it, his eyes watery and downcast as Jinhyuk steps closer to him.

He turns to the table with as genuine a smile as he can muster. “I think Wooseok and I will take our dinner elsewhere for tonight, we’ll see you all for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Aw but Hyung—“

“Dongyeol!” Sooil finally raises his voice, the glare he shoots at their maknae so fierce that even Dongyeol has no choice but to back down. “I think you’ve said enough tonight,” he warns before turning to Jinhyuk apologetically. “You two have a nice night, I’m sorry that some of us haven’t been very hospitable to you, Wooseok-ssi. We’ll all be having a nice, long chat about _manners_ over dinner tonight, don’t you worry.”

Jinhyuk nods and guides Wooseok away from the table (away from Dongyeol), walking out of the restaurant, down the elevator, onto the street—all with their heads held high.

Wooseok makes it five minutes into the car ride back to the hotel before he breaks. He clings to himself and cries and cries and cries, he coughs and chokes and bawls. Tears are streaming down his cheeks in torrents, streaks of red forming from his own nails in lines down his arms. Jinhyuk reaches out to do something, to hold him and keep him from shattering.

But he doesn’t, he can’t.

Because how can he help Wooseok when he doesn’t even know how to put his own fragmented, broken pieces back together.

* * *

“It’s our last day here,” it feels cold in their suite despite the blasting heater. Wooseok is lying in their bed with the blankets pulled to his chin, his cheeks gaunt and dark circles beneath his eyes. “How about we go out, just us?” 

They’ve barely spoken since that first night, with Wooseok preferring the company of Jinwook and Seungyeon over his. He hates the way it hurts him, even though it’s all his fault to begin with. He did this, he ruined them, he ruined _him_.

“If you’d like,” Wooseok replies, turning over so his back is to Jinhyuk. “What time would you like to leave?”

He wants to resent Dongyeol for ruining this trip for him and Wooseok, he wants to regret ever stepping on that plane. But he can’t, not when this had been building ever since they’d gotten together; the lies and the half-truths, he and Wooseok never would have lasted that way. All he can hope for is for Wooseok to give him one last chance, to _stay_ once they’re back in Seoul.

Jinhyuk slides his legs off the bed and sits at the edge, peering between the gap of the curtain onto the sunny day outside. “We’ll leave at 10, does that sound good to you?”

His boyfriend doesn’t speak, the only reply Jinhyuk gets being the soft padding of his feet out of bed and towards the bathroom. He thinks of the matching Elsa and Anna toothbrushes he’d packed for them to use and laughs drily to himself; what a joke, he’s such a joke…

The sound of the shower running pulls a soft sigh out of Jinhyuk as he falls back into bed; Wooseok’s side has already gone cold, as if he’d never even been there at all. He’d tried to tell Wooseok everything, come clean on every horror and mistake he’d ever made in his goddamn life but he _couldn’t_. The mere thought of _that_ _night_ had send him hurtling for the bathroom, vomit coming up and burning into his throat.

He’d spent the rest of the night curled up beside the bathtub, sweat dripping down his forehead despite the cold floor. When he woke up the next morning with a blanket over him he’d seen the faintest of hope, though that spark had been crushed rather quickly upon his realisation that he was alone, that Wooseok had left the room hours ago to meet with Jinwook for breakfast.

Dongyeol had tried to bring some medicine to the room for him but Jinhyuk had ignored him, covering his head with a pillow to drown out the sound of his insistent ringing.

_“No, he’s just your little slut.”_

Jinhyuk can’t forgive him just yet.

“You can use the bathroom now,” Wooseok mumbles as he steps out, a towel around his waist and another around his shoulders. Jinhyuk so desperately wants to run to him, to take him in his arms and beg for his forgiveness…

But he can’t, not when he still has yet to forgive himself.

So he doesn’t. He mutters a thank you and takes Wooseok’s place in the bathroom, wondering just how long it would take for him to drown under the flowing shower.

* * *

With a sense of great resignation, Jinhyuk takes Wooseok’s hand in his for the first time in days as they exit the hotel and step into the sun. The ground is wet from melted snow but the sky overhead is bright and clear, a rather drastic change from the gloomy clouds and frosty air they’ve been victim to the past week. Wooseok startles a little at the contact but doesn’t pull away, letting Jinhyuk interlock their fingers without complaint.

Jinhyuk doubts the nice weather will last long; with their luck it’ll probably start to snow again before it even hits 4 o’clock. He inhales deeply and conjures the happiest smile he can, forgetting about the pain and sadness of the past few days for just a little while, so he can enjoy at least one last day with his lover before he’ll have to let him go.

“Shall we go and hunt for the best pastries Paris has to offer?” he asks, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Wooseok’s hair. He still smells like grapefruit; Jinhyuk has to try not to cry. “The croissants we had the other day were rather disappointing.” 

Wooseok lets out a tiny laugh—his first since that night—and nods. “They were so hard I thought my teeth might crack,” he jokes softly, shifting his bag on his back to a more comfortable position.

“Here, let me take that for you,” Jinhyuk lifts the bag off Wooseok’s shoulders and slings it over his own, kissing the tip of Wooseok’s nose before he can protest. “I need somewhere to put my phone and wallet too.”

Seeming as unwilling as Jinhyuk to spoil their last day in Paris, Wooseok merely shrugs in agreement, shivering as a blast of wind blows their way. “The sun is a lie,” Wooseok mutters in disgruntlement, rubbing his palms together for some extra warmth. He must have forgotten his gloves again…

Jinhyuk pulls his own off with his teeth and takes Wooseok’s hands, slipping the slightly too large woollen gloves over the younger’s icy fingers. “There you go, can’t have those little fingers falling off now can we?”

He thinks Wooseok is blushing, but it’s probably just from the cold.

“S-so where’s our first stop?” 

* * *

“I can’t believe you found kimchi jjigae in the middle of Paris,” Wooseok says in disbelief as the nice ahjumma delivers their food to their table, the smell of kimchi and doenjang enough to whet their appetites. The steam coming from their jjigae is truly unbelievable, the earthenware pots reminding Jinhyuk so much of home that he wonders how Seungyeon has managed to survive so long travelling the world on his own without true homemade kimchi.

Jinhyuk reaches across the table to pluck a grain of rice from the corner of Wooseok’s mouth, licking it off his thumb just to see how red Wooseok’s cheeks get. “H-hey!”

He shrugs, enjoying his teasing. “How’s your kimchi jjigae?” 

Wooseok grabs another spoonful and sighs, his face going slack in utter bliss. “It’s fantastic, I miss Korea.”

“Me too.”

“Are you excited to be going home?” Wooseok asks, far too engrossed in his stew to notice the flash of pain across Jinhyuk’s face. He takes a mouthful of his own doenjang jjigae and moans at the familiar taste, the heat of the stew warming him completely from the inside out.

“Yeah, Paris is beautiful but…”

“But it’s not home,” Wooseok finishes for him, meeting his eyes from across the table. There’s a bud of sadness there in those big catlike eyes, not much, but the glimmer is enough for Jinhyuk to know it’s there, that he’d been the one to plant it. “What’s your hometown like, you don’t tell me very much about it.”

Then, almost as an afterthought. “You don’t tell me much of anything at all,” Wooseok whispers, so softly Jinhyuk isn’t sure he’s even heard him right.

He’s not _wrong_ , but having that fact thrown in his face still stings. 

“My dad left when I was little so my mum raised me alone,” Jinhyuk says, watching Wooseok’s face carefully for his reaction. “She’s not one for the big city so she’s back in our hometown, I visit her every Chuseok.”

Wooseok nods slightly in acknowledgement, taking another small sip of his soup. “Doesn’t she get lonely there by herself?”

Jinhyuk chokes on his rice. “As if, she almost threw a party when my sister finally moved out,” he smiles, knowing his mother’s preference to being alone well enough. “She likes her alone time, she sends me kimchi every so often so at least I know she hasn’t croaked.”

His lover bursts out into laughter loud enough to draw the attention of the lone French couple amongst the other Koreans eating at the restaurant with them. Jinhyuk swears for a moment that he hears the sound of a camera clicking, but when he takes a quick glance around the restaurant and sees no cameras in sight he shrugs it off as his imagination.

“That’s a horrid thing to say about your mother,” Wooseok teases, setting down his chopsticks over his now emptied bowl. “She sounds like a lovely person.”

There wasn’t a soul in their little village that didn’t know his mother’s name nor the kimchi she was famous for making every winter. Everyone loved her, from the old to the young, every boy and every girl. She likes her down time and sometimes prefers the company of her plants over people, but there isn’t a single bad word anyone can say about her, not even a negative thought. Jinhyuk had wanted nothing more than to be like her when he grew up, his stint as an idol destroying that dream the day the first waves of negative comments online had swept him under.

“She is, she’s the loveliest woman I’ll ever know,” Jinhyuk agrees, digging his wallet out from Wooseok’s bag to pay the ahjumma for their meal. “Shall we get going? There’s still a lot of the Champs-Élysées to see.”

This time it’s Wooseok who offers a hand to him, soft affection washing over him at how Wooseok is looking at him. _It’s just a day of truce, of playing pretend_ , Jinhyuk has to remind himself as he takes it, Wooseok’s skin soft and silky beneath his own.

But it feels nice, enjoying Wooseok’s love.

So it’s okay to pretend for a little while, Jinhyuk figures, that this happiness doesn’t have a time limit, that ‘the end’ isn’t drawing ever closer.

Yeah, it’s okay, he deserves this much at the least.

* * *

“Smile Wooseokie!” Jinhyuk shouts above the bustle of the crowd as Wooseok poses in front of a fairy-light draped tree, a peace sign held up to his cheek as he smiles for the camera. He looks so beautiful, Jinhyuk thinks as he spams pictures, changing his angles and levels until he’s satisfied with how it looks. Wooseok looks almost angelic, shrouded in the lights from the trees and the huge Ferris wheel at the end of the Champs-Élysées.

It reminds him of their time at Everland—they hadn’t taken any pictures together that day, they hadn’t had the chance to.

Jinhyuk wishes they had, regrets not taking as many pictures of and with Wooseok as he could before. Their flight is tomorrow afternoon, and he doubts he’ll ever have the chance to take a picture with Wooseok again once they’re back in Seoul.

He regrets it, he regrets it so much it hurts.

“Hi, could you help us take a photo?” he asks a random passerby, handing the girl his phone with a sheepish smile. She nods and gestures ‘ok’ with her fingers as Jinhyuk runs to stand beside Wooseok, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close for the photo. The girl counts to three and at the last second Wooseok gets up on his tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek, the simple touch sparking a blaze of heat from his cheek all the way down to his toes. The girl gives him a thumbs up and he goes to collect his phone, thanking her profusely.

“He is handsome,” she says with a wink before she rejoins her friends and disappears into the crowd—Jinhyuk can definitely agree with that.

He drops his phone back into Wooseok’s bag along with the rest of their stuff and jogs back over to Wooseok, taking his hand immediately to avoid getting separated in the bustling crowd. Christmas had passed a few days ago but there are still a few trees scattered around the city, with couples and families alike all crowded around to take pictures to commemorate the holiday season.

Wooseok is staring at the Ferris wheel at the end of the street with a distant look in his eyes, as if he’s seeing something Jinhyuk isn’t. “Could we go see that, Hyung?”

Jinhyuk feels a tremor in his gut, a chill that shoots all the way down his spine. The night is coming to an end, he knows it. He wishes that it wouldn’t, wishes that he could stay in this one, happy day with Wooseok forever.

So they walk. Snow is falling around them, drifting to the icy ground like feathers in the wind. The trees lining the streets are bare and white, a stark contrast to the cloudless navy of the night sky. If Jinhyuk squints he can just make out the stars scattered across the endless canvas above them, fighting to outshine the blinding lights down on earth. Wooseok’s hand feels warm in his, the spaces between his fingers fitting Wooseok’s just perfectly.

Maybe if Jinhyuk were more of a dreamer, he’d say they were made for each other.

He watches as the breath from Wooseok’s lips fogs into a cloud of white before his face, rising up further and further into the air before disappearing from sight. There’s a snowflake stuck on Wooseok’s hair but Jinhyuk can’t bring himself to brush it off, far too entranced by the gentle slope of his nose, the petal-like buds of his lips, the long eyelashes that flutter with each blink of those beautiful, beautiful eyes.

God. He loves him so fucking much, more than anything in his life.

A single tear slips from his eye and paints a searing line down his skin, soaking into the collar of his shirt. He will not cry, he _will_ _not_ cry, he will not waste even a _second_ of this precious time with this beautiful boy. 

But it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

“Thank you so much, Wooseok-ah,” he whispers as they come to a stop in front of the Ferris wheel, those glowing neon lights casting everything around them in a brilliant glow. “Thank you so much for being in my life.”

Wooseok doesn’t give any indication that he’s heard him, just continuing to stare up at the slowly turning Ferris wheel. His face is bathed in light, streaks of colours and tones that turn him into a living masterpiece. 

“Let’s ride that together, okay Jinhyuk?” Wooseok breathes, not looking away from the wheel for even a second. Jinhyuk thinks back to that night at Everland, the way they’d kissed and Jinhyuk had felt whole for the first time in _years_. He knows he can’t say no, not when Wooseok looks like he’s holding back his tears just as much as Jinhyuk is.

“Yeah, okay Wooseok-ah, let’s go.”

“I love you, Jinhyuk, don’t forget it okay?” Wooseok says to him as it’s just about their turn to get on, his small, gloved hand gripping onto Jinhyuk’s so tightly as if he were afraid he’d disappear the moment he let go. “I love you.”

“Wooseok, I lov—“

 _‘RING, RING’_

They both jump as Jinhyuk’s phone starts to blare from within the confines of his bag, the obnoxious ringtone shattering the atmosphere that had formed between them like a sledgehammer.

“You should answer that,” Wooseok mumbles after a beat of silence, shoulders slumping in defeat. He’s about to shake his head and ignore the call when the ringing starts again, the sheer ferocity of it making him reach into the bag and pull out his phone. 

_JINWOOKIE-HYUNG_

“Hello?” he says as he answers the call, cursing exactly what it is that has interrupted his night with Wooseok.

“JINHYUK! YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, OH MY GOD YOU—“ there’s the sound of sirens and shouting in the background, Sooil’s voice distinct over all the rest.

“MOVE ASIDE! THE PARAMEDICS ARE HERE!”

His heart stops. “Hyung! What’s happening!”

“It’s Dongyeol! Oh my god he was in an accident and there’s blood everywhere, fuck, you have to go to the hospital now!” Jinwook is panicking, his voice high and thin and breathless.

“O-okay, I’m on my way now,” he stammers, ending the call and dropping his phone back in the bag with trembling hands. “W-Wooseok, we have t-to go to the hospital, there’s been a-an accident.”

Wooseok’s eyes widen in shock and he nods quickly, pulling them out of the line for the Ferris wheel and down the streets in search of a vacant taxi. Eventually they manage to catch one with another family already getting on.

“Sir! Please! I need to go to the hospital, can you take me please!” Jinhyuk shouts into the car, the panic in his voice loud and clear. There’s only the passengers seat beside the driver left empty, the back row fully occupied by the startled family. He’s about to give up and move on when Wooseok pushes him out of the way.

“Could you just take him? He needs to get to the hospital urgently, his friend has been in an accident.”

“No Wooseok—“

The driver nods after some discussion with the passengers, unlocking the door for him to get in. “I’ll be fine, just go, I’ll meet you there.”

He shoves him into the car and slams the door behind him. Jinhyuk barely manages to dig Wooseok’s phone and wallet out of the bag and hand it to him before the car is in motion, speeding off down the road faster than any taxi he’s taken in the past week. He can see Wooseok in the side mirror standing on the pavement where they’d just been parked, watching them leave with hollow eyes.

Once again, Jinhyuk can’t help but feel like he’s failed him.

* * *

Dongyeol’s surgery goes well.

He’d been pushed out onto the street by some racist drunkards while waiting for the other members outside a restaurant and an oncoming car had barrelled right into him, sending him flying into a tree where he’d hit his head and lost consciousness. He’d broken three of his ribs in the collision and had a few minor abrasions on his arms from contact with the rough tarmac.The doctor in charge of him had said he may suffer from a mild concussion, but that he’d otherwise pull through just fine.

The fuckers that’d pushed him had been caught and detained, with the police assuring them that they wouldn’t be let go without serious punishment. Jinhyuk wants to kill them; they should count their lucky stars that they’re locked behind bars and not out here with them instead. He doubts that Sooil would let them go without a few broken bones of their own.

Wooseok had showed up not long after Dongyeol’s surgery was over, arriving just in time to watch him being wheeled to the private room they’d arranged for him. It feels now like they’re back to square one, like the entire lovely day they’d shared together had never happened.

He’d been so close to finally saying it too—

“Hey, why’s everyone looking so sad?” a hoarse voice pipes up from the hospital bed, making him and Jinwook jump. Dongyeol’s eyes are swollen and bruised but still Jinhyuk can still somehow see traces of humour in them, a small, weak grin on his cracked lips. “Jinhyuk-hyung, you’re here.”

Jinhyuk laughs out loud despite himself, though there’s not a single hint of joy in the sound at all. “Of course I’m here, did you think I’d just go on with my day when you were just in a fucking car accident!”

Dongyeol tries to shrug before wincing at the movement, pressing a hand to his bandaged ribs. “Ah fuck, that hurt,” he groans. “Jinwookie-hyung, could I speak with Jinhyuk-hyung alone for a sec?”

The other members had gone off somewhere to look for some food and drink for them so only he and Jinwook are in the room, and judging by the look on Jinwook’s face Jinhyuk guesses it’ll just be him soon enough. “Alright, Dongyeol-ah, I’ll be right outside so call if you need anything okay?”

“Yeah, Hyung,” Dongyeol whispers, not taking his eyes off Jinhyuk for even a second.

Jinwook closes the door behind him with a soft ‘click’, the echoing sound of his footsteps telling them that he’s walked off somewhere down the hall. “Could you come sit here? You’re a little far away, Hyung,” Dongyeol jokes, gesturing to the chair beside his bed with a small wave of his hand. 

“I’m sorry about everything I said that first night, it was mean of me,” Dongyeol apologises, the corner of his mouth lifting in a tired, battered smile.

“So why did you?” it had been those words that had ruined the trip for him and Wooseok.

No, that’s not fair, he can’t blame Dongyeol when he knows the root of the problem has always been himself.

Dongyeol’s expression turns pained. “Because I saw myself in Wooseok-ssi and I didn’t want the same thing that happened to me to happen to him.”

Jinhyuk feels like the floor has been yanked out from under his feet. He snaps his fingers as subtly as he can at his ears, just to check that his hearing hasn’t gone. “I’m sorry, Hyung.”

“Dongyeol, are you really telling me right now that you’ve fucked up the only good thing in my life because you- because you thought I’d ever do the things Jungseok did to you to Wooseok?“

“I- I didn’t know, I was just shocked and—“

Jinhyuk doesn’t want to hear it. He stands up, his jaw clenched and tight. “Save it, I may have loved you once but—“

A flash of movement in the corner of his eye catches his attention, his heart sinking into his stomach at the head of jet black hair he sees disappear round the edge of the doorway. No, no, Wooseok…

Jinhyuk whips his head back towards Dongyeol, fury pumping through his veins. Wooseok must have overheard him telling Dongyeol that he loved him and misunderstood, shit! “You saw him, didn’t you? Are you trying to ruin everything?”

“No, I…” Dongyeol whimpers, tears welling up in his eyes. Jinhyuk can’t bring himself to care right now, not when Wooseok is running away from him because of a misunderstanding. He has to fix this, he can’t let Wooseok leave him now…

He throws the door open and takes off down the hallway. “Wooseok! It’s a misunderstanding! Wait!” he catches up to him quickly, grabbing onto his arm to keep him from walking any further. “Please, just let me explain, I didn’t mean to—“

“Didn’t mean to what! To still be in love with him after all these years?” Wooseok snaps, his cheeks pale and drawn. “Go on! Tell me then, what didn’t you mean to do!”

“I’m not in love with him, I haven’t been for years!” Jinhyuk’s hands are shaking, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he can feel it in his skull. It hurts, it hurts so much. It feels like he’s being ripped in two, like there’s a knife in his lungs and it’s being twisted deeper and deeper. “Wooseok it’s been you since we’ve met, only you! You just misheard me, it’s not what you think!”

His lover smiles though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s not just that, it’s the lies, Jinhyuk. You hide so much from me, you obviously have history with Dongyeol-ssi and you’re not telling me and honestly I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m done, I am _done_. I can’t live not knowing who the person I’m sharing a bed with truly is, I just _can’t.”_

“Wooseok _please_ , I’ll do anything just—“

Wooseok’s eyes are cold, empty. “Then say it, tell me you love me,” he says, so softly it’s barely a breath. “Tell me you love me and we can put this all behind us.”

The words are still stuck but he has to get them out, he has to say it or Wooseok will leave him, the only light in his entire life will leave him…

And Jinhyuk will be left alone in the dark once again.

“I-I,” he stutters, trying to force the words he’s had stuck in his heart out of his mouth. “I lo-lov.”

Wooseok laughs mirthlessly, his shoulders slumped. He’s given up, he’s already given everything he has. And Jinhyuk can’t even tell him he loves him.

“I thought so,” Wooseok whispers, pulling Jinhyuk’s hand off of his arm with a gentle touch. Jinhyuk shakes his head, desperation fuelling him.

“Please, please, please, don’t go, please, Wooseok just give me another chance,” he begs, reaching for Wooseok’s hands to try and keep him from leaving. “Don’t go, please don’t go—“

Wooseok shakes his head, pushing off Jinhyuk’s hands. “Goodbye, Jinhyuk-ah.”

And then he’s gone. Jinhyuk can’t move, he can’t breathe; Wooseok is gone, gone, gone…

He runs back to Dongyeol’s room, throwing open the door and storming inside. “You! Why do you still want to hurt me!” he screams, not realising he’s crying until he feels a drop land on the back of his hand.

“I know I messed up, I know I should have helped you that night and all the nights before that and I’m sorry, I’m sorry Dongyeol for failing you but please…” he falls to his knees, his heart is tearing apart, his lungs no longer drawing breath. “Please, you moved on, you’re happy now, why couldn’t you at least let me be happy too?”

Memories are clawing their way to the surface; pounding bass, screaming, pleading—

_“Stop it, Jungseok, I don’t want to do it here,” Dongyeol snaps, shoving that bastard’s hand off his thigh. He looks pissed, they must have been arguing. The room smells like alcohol and cigarette smoke and Jinhyuk has to resist the urge to cough out loud, holding a hand to his mouth to muffle the sounds of his breathing._

_Dongyeol doesn’t know that he followed him out tonight, doesn’t know that Jinhyuk is on the other side of the curtain separating their private room from the rest of the dingy club. Jinhyuk’s hands are clenched at his sides; all he wants is to barge into the room and rip Jungseok off of Dongyeol and beat the living hell out of him, he wants to kill him for laying even a single hand on the boy he loves so dearly._

_The slap Jungseok lands on Dongyeol’s cheek echoes and rings in Jinhyuk’s ears, Dongyeol’s pained cry cutting into his very soul. “Please, Jungseok, don’t do this…”_

_Jinhyuk’s eyes widen as the sound of fabric being ripped reaches him, raising his arm to pull back the curtain when a hand wraps around his wrist, holding him back. He hadn’t even noticed the two men sneaking up on him—Jungseok’s men. He’s about to scream for help when one of the men clamps a hand over his mouth, the other wrapping his arm around his neck and torso to hold him back._

_“Just watch,” the one covering his mouth says, a wicked glint in his blood shot eyes._

_“You’re so pretty like this…” Jungseok croons as he pulls down Dongyeol’s pants, ignoring the tears streaming down his own boyfriend’s cheeks. “Just stay still and I’ll make you feel good…”_

_“NO! LET ME GO!” Dongyeol is crying, his arms pinned above his head and rendering him immobile on that dirty couch. A glass has been knocked to the ground in the midst of Dongyeol’s struggle, its contents soaking into the filthy carpet and filling the room with its sour scent. “PLEASE! HELP ME! SOMEBODY!”_

_His eyes are wide and desperate, whirring around the room until they finally meet Jinhyuk’s. “HYUNG! HYUNG PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE!” he screams, his legs kicking furiously at Jungseok to try and get him off._

_Jinhyuk struggles against his captors, screaming until his voice goes hoarse beneath that hand on his mouth. He’s so weak, no matter how hard he tries he can’t seem to break free…_

_Dongyeol screams in pain as Jungseok pushes in, face contorted in agony as he cries and begs for help. Suddenly the hands around Jinhyuk’s neck and arms feel like sandpaper, the mere feel of their skin on his making bile rise in his throat._

_The sound of skin hitting skin is all Jinhyuk can hear. There’s the taste of iron on his tongue from the hole he’s bitten through his own cheek but he does not feel it, he feels nothing but the agony of his own heart being ripped in two._

_“Hyung… Hyung please, it hurts…” Dongyeol sobs, his hand now hanging limply by his side. There’s a small trickle of blood flowing from his nose where Jungseok has hit him, the outline of a bruise starting to form around his left eye. “Hyung…”_

“HYUNG!” Dongyeol screams, sitting upright in bed and clutching at his ribs even as the machines around him start to beep and screech. “Hyung please get up! Are you okay!”

“Jinhyuk!” Jinwook is here too, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him furiously. He’s on the floor, the back of his head aching from where he must have hit it when he’d fallen. “Wake up! Shit, Sooil call a nurse! Jinhyuk’s passed out! And Dongyeol lie the _fuck_ back down before I make you!”

His head is spinning and the edges of his vision blurred and hazy. He should have let those men beat him to death that night, should have died right along with that piece of him he’ll never get back. If he’d died that night he would never have met Wooseok, would never have had the chance to hurt him like he had—

No, no, that is not true and he knows it. He’s spent so long blaming himself but never once wondered if that blame was truly justified. The memories he’d suppressed for nearly seven years, now finally come to light. He hadn’t remembered...

He coughs and pats Jinwook’s hand to reassure him. “I’m fine, Hyung, don’t call a nurse.” 

“You literally _collapsed_ and passed out for ten minutes, _so don’t you tell me what to do young man!_ I’m calling a nurse!” Jinwook scolds, smacking him upside the head once he’s upright. “Go and sit down on the sofa!” 

Jinhyuk ignores Jinwook’s order and looks to Dongyeol instead. “Dongyeol-ah, I’m sorry for not helping you that night but I couldn’t, okay? They were holding me back and I was trying but I couldn’t and I’m so sorry that I let him hurt you like that. I hate people touching me now because of that night and clubs make me sick but I have no choice but to go to them because it’s my _job_. We could have gone through what had happened together but you left, you left us, you left _me_. How was I ever going to get closure and recover from that _shit_ when you were fucking _gone_! I was hurting too, I’m still hurting now but you know what? I’m going to get the _fuck_ over it because this isn’t fucking living! I lie to the people around me and I do awful fucking shit for my company to succeed and I hate it.”

There are tears streaming down his face but for once his heart is clear. “I have finally found someone who has made me happy again and who loves me for me and I cannot- I _will not_ lose him,” he finishes, his chest rising and falling with the intensity of his breathing. Shock is painted across Dongyeol’s features but eventually he starts to smile, relief flooding through those eyes he once loved—and in a place in his heart, will for the rest of his life.

“I came to see you because I was worried for Wooseok-ssi, I wanted to scare him away from you so he wouldn’t go through the same thing that I did,” Dongyeol admits, hoarse and tired.

“He did not deserve a single fucking word you said to him,” Jinhyuk whispers, staring straight at Dongyeol. “Wooseok is _good,_ the only good thing in my life. You shouldn’t have done what you did, but I understand why you wanted to.”

Remorse and regret is plain on Dongyeol’s face. “I just heard from Jinwook-hyung about Wooseok and it scared me, I thought it was all happening again… I’m sorry, I should have trusted you, you’re nothing like Jungseok and you never will be.”

Jinhyuk nods, his initial anger at Dongyeol’s confession now dissipating, replaced by a new determination. “I am not Jungseok, and Wooseok is not you,” he says, not quite sure if he’s saying it to Dongyeol or himself. “I swear to god Dongyeol, you owe me fucking big time, okay? You’re going to come to my company and work for free, and we’re going to get over that night together, alright?”

“I’m sorry, Hyung, for everything.”

He stands up a little too fast, his ears ringing as he stables himself on his feet. “We’ll talk more on this later, alright Dongyeol-ah? I have a boyfriend to go chase down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a long monster and it took a lot out of me emotionally but I really hope you all enjoyed it and that it gave clarity to a lot of Jinhyuk's issues :) He's not a bad person, he's just been through a lot! Thank you all for reading this far as the story is drawing to a close, I love you all <3 
> 
> Leave some kudos and a review if you like, it really brings a huge HUGE smile to my face reading them all! 
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter where I have a curiouscat for some spoilers and general rants!


	9. Don't You Cry, Will You Smile Always?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for a feels trip.

_JINWOOKIE-HYUNG_

_I’m sorry, Jinhyuk-ah_

_Dongyeol told me everything…_

_I’m sorry Hyung wasn’t there to protect you both…_

_6:50am_

_It’s all my fault you and Wooseokie had such a bad trip_

_I was the one who told Dongyeollie everything Seungyounnie told us about Wooseok_

_I was just so happy Dongyeol was talking to me again…_

_Forgive me, Jinhyuk-ah, I never meant for this all to happen like this_

_6:52am_

_I’m staying with Dongyeol until he’s recovered enough to travel_

_I’ll bring him back to Seoul with me_

_We all have a lot to talk about_

_7:01am_

_SECRETARY MINJU_

_You need to come into the office, sir._

_Kim Wooseok is missing._

_9:34am_

_Sir, the press just sent us an article._

_It’s not good_

_There are pictures of you and Wooseok-ssi_

_10:21am_

_Sir, you need to come in_

_10:28am_

_Sir?_

_11:02am_

* * *

Jinhyuk doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to think.

The world can burn around him, he _welcomes_ it.

The scorch of fire will surely hurt less than this.

* * *

He hasn’t moved since the moment he’d arrived back at his apartment to find it empty, with every single little trace of Wooseok’s existence having vanished like they’d never even existed from the start. The cupboard he’d cleared out for Wooseok’s clothes had been empty besides the few coats and tops Jinhyuk had bought for Wooseok himself, the new phone Jinhyuk had gifted him back in its box sitting neatly on the bed.

Wooseok had taken every thread of himself that had been woven into Jinhyuk’s life and cut through them all, leaving Jinhyuk torn and frayed without a second glance. Jinhyuk had tried over and over again to call him, only to go to voicemail each time. It’d taken him seventeen calls to finally accept that Wooseok did not wish to be contacted, his phone hot against his tear-stained cheeks.

The flight back to Korea had been a sleepless one, the images playing in his head far too vivid for slumber to take him easily. For so long he'd kept those memories locked tightly away in the recesses of his mind, the key thrown away the day Dongyeol had left him. It'd been only a matter of time, Jinhyuk thinks, for those gates to be finally thrown open.

Seeing Dongyeol in Paris had been the catalyst, but Wooseok was the one to hand him the key and give him the courage to face his demons. But Wooseok is gone now and it's all Jinhyuk's fault.

With the floodgates open now all he can see is that day, _those days_. There are so many things that he hadn't remembered before, like those hands on his arms and around his throat, the tears that had glistened so painfully in the neon lights of the club... 

Maybe now he'll be able to finally move on--

But what's the point, Wooseok is gone.

His only purpose for living, the only light in the dark hell of his life... 

Jinhyuk's phone lies silent beside him, the battery long having gone dead after all of his frantic calls. He hasn't charged it, he can't bring himself to; not when all he'll see is a photo of Wooseok smiling up at him from his lock screen once he does. 

Seungyoun is still in Paris, his flight back isn't until later tonight. So at least he doesn't have to worry about his friend coming and breaking into his apartment like he has the habit of doing every so often. So here he is, lying in the middle of his living room floor in the clothes he'd been wearing that night. 

He probably smells but he can't bring himself to care.

Entering their- _his_ bedroom is far too painful for him to bear, not with the memories of lazy mornings and sleepy-eyed kisses still fresh in his brain. The envelope of money that had accompanied the phone Wooseok had returned is still sitting there on their- _his_ bed untouched, he doesn't want to have anything to do with it, not when he knows it's the exact total amount he'd ever given Wooseok during their time together.

Wooseok had promised to pay him back one day and Jinhyuk had jokingly (stupidly) agreed, not knowing that one day would come quite so soon (and quite like this). He feels empty inside, like there was a hole in his chest that Wooseok had once filled and now it lies vacant once again. Wooseok...

He doesn't even have any tears left to shed, his lips dried and cracked. He can't remember when he last drank any water, when he last ate. Time doesn't feel like it's moving anymore, the passing fragments of the universe seeming to move further and further away from him. 

He doesn't belong, he's unworthy. He hates himself. He hates how much he's hurt him, his love, his truest, dearest love.

Ah, there are those tears again, looks like he still has them after all.

* * *

_BRO SEUNGYOUN_

_dude where are you_

_no one has seen you for day_

_I’m back from Paris, are you okay???_

_12:04pm_

_the office is in a panic_

_wooseok is gone, he’s moved out of the dorms_

_no one can contact him either_

_is he with you?????_

_I swear if this is because you two are having wild makeup sex_

_12:06pm_

_please tell me you’re okay_

_I’m worried, Jinhyuk-ah_

_12:09pm_

_OH SHIT_

_JINHYUK!!!_

_DISPATCH JUST RELEASED PICTURES OF YOU AND WOOSEOK_

_JINHYUK COME IN NOW!!!_

_JINHYUK!!!_

_1:45pm_

* * *

There are thankfully no reporters waiting outside his apartment building when he leaves but he doesn't have such luck at the company. His driver has to help him form a path into the building through the sea of cameras and shouting but even then Jinhyuk is unable to avoid hearing the slurs and curses being hurled his way.

_'Pedophile'_

_'Rapist'_

_'Pervert'_

He has a mask on but it does little to hide the redness of his eyes, the bruises under them from night after night of sleeplessness dark and intense. His hair is greasy and unstyled but he couldn't care less; heck, the only reason he's come into work today was because Seungyoun was threatening to call the police on his apartment to check if he'd died.

His phone is buzzing in his pocket but he doesn't bother to check it, already knowing who it is. Reading Jinwook's messages after he finally dragged himself to charge his phone had done nothing but rub salt in his already raw and bloody wounds, the apologies doing nothing to change how the trip had turned out.

The stares he gets from the other staff in the elevator with him feel sharp and full of judgement, stabbing into the back of his head. He doesn't blame him, he'd probably think the same. He's nothing but an old man who'd taken advantage of a young boy working in his own goddamn company, he's no better than those businessmen he'd mocked and looked down upon before.

He's a monster, as he's always known.

"Jinhyuk-ah!" Seungyoun shouts the moment he steps out of the elevator, running to him and moving to wrap him in his arms but stopping just short of actual contact. His stomach churns at the thought of skinship but he forces the feeling down; he has to do this, he can’t live hating touch his entire life. "Oh my god, I was so worried about you, are you okay?”

So he initiates the hug, closing the small gap between him and his best friend and burying his face in Seungyoun’s neck, ignoring the bile threatening to rise in his throat. Seungyoun though initially shocked at Jinhyuk’s sudden hug quickly responds, holding onto him so tightly he can barely breathe.

The only people that he’s been able to stand touching him in the past six years are Jinwoo and Wooseok, with the young boy far too sweet and innocent for Jinhyuk to reject and Wooseok being… Wooseok.

Wooseok is special, he always has been, right from the night they’d first met. 

Jinhyuk nods, the whispers and pointed fingers around them feeling suddenly far too much to handle. "Yeah, I'm okay, let's talk in my office."

Seungyoun turns to shoot a fierce glare at all the office goers that have stopped to watch them, shooing them all away with a single flick of his wrist. He wraps an arm around Jinhyuk's shoulders as they walk into his office, the room lacking any of the comfort he'd used to feel in it. Everything feels different now, from his clothes to his apartment and now to his office; everything has changed.

"Jinhyuk-ah, the media is going crazy," Seungyoun says to him the moment the door is shut behind them, a soft smile on his lips despite the pity prominent in his eyes. "Someone must have been stalking you and Wooseok in Paris because there are so many pictures of you two floating online now, it was pretty obvious you two weren't just a trainee and his CEO, you know?"

He'd seen the pictures himself, scrolling through them until his vision had blurred and his chest had ached. Wooseok with his kimchi jjigae, Wooseok with a humongous croissant stuffed in his mouth, Wooseok with a beautiful pink blush on his cheeks as Jinhyuk presses a kiss to his forehead...

Wooseok had looked happy there, _they'd_ looked happy.

"I know," he breathes, his voice cracking. "I'm fucked, I'm so fucked--" 

Then the tears are coming once again. _Shit_ , he looks like such a weakling.

Jinhyuk can’t even count the number of times he’s cried these past few days, his lips and throat constantly dry from the amount of fluid he’s managed to lose through his eyes. This is nothing like that first time he and Wooseok had separated, this feels far too _permanent_ to be anything like then. Seungyoun reaches over and hesitantly takes Jinhyuk’s hand, rubbing comforting circles into the top of it.

“There’s still a chance,” Seungyoun says in sudden seriousness, all hints of joking vanished from his face. He stands up from his chair and rounds the table to Jinhyuk’s side, grabbing the mouse and opening up the results in Naver for Jinhyuk’s name. Unsurprisingly, the pictures of him and Wooseok are at the top of the list. Seungyoun opens up the page and scrolls to the bottom for the comments, filtering them so that the ones with the highest number of upvotes are at the top of the list.

Aside from the curses and slurs Jinhyuk had been expecting, a lot of the top comments are full of support and positive words on his and Wooseok’s relationship.

_[+25,340, -128]_

_Ah~~~ Wooseokie-oppa looks so happy, this must be true love~~~_

_[+18,907, -96]_

_Daebak, I haven’t seen Wei smiling like that for almost ten years, this Wooseok kid must really make him happy…_

_[+26,847, -1,875]_

_To all those haters out there, how can you look at these two people and not see the love between them?? You all must be blind and stupid—Kim Wooseok is a grown legal adult and it only just so happens that he’s dating his boss, love is love! If they were in a ‘dirty relationship’ like so many of you are saying, then we’d be seeing pictures of them in nightclubs and coming out of hotels, not eating croissants and sharing pastries! I hope everyone can please clean their eyes! Wooseok x Jinhyuk forever!_

Seungyoun watches him carefully, eyes not leaving his face for even a second as he scrolls through the comments he hadn’t dared to before. “Look, Jinhyuk-ah, there’s a lot of support for you and Wooseokie out there, so if you can just convince the public at a conference that you two are together for love and not just sex then—“

“But we’re not together, Seungyoun-ah, he left me,” Jinhyuk interrupts, his gifts to Wooseok still scattered through his apartment, untouched. He feels like moving them or getting rid of them will just be admitting that Wooseok is truly gone and not coming back, so he hasn’t been able to bring himself to do anything but look at them since he’d gotten back.

“You need to get him back, his contract with the company isn’t voided so if he doesn’t return soon for debut the company is going to take legal action, you know that?” Seungyoun hisses, frustration clear. “This company, the music, you built this from the ground up by yourself, Jinhyuk-ah, don’t just sit back and watch it all crumble.”

Jinhyuk laughs mirthlessly. “But what’s the point of it anymore, huh, Seungyoun-ah? I did all this because I loved one boy too much and wanted to give him better than that bastard, it’s only fitting that it ends because I love another even more.”

“So you’re okay with Jinwoo not debuting, then? You’re okay with knowing that you’ve wasted so many of those kids’ youth only to take it all away because you’re tired of playing boss?” Seungyoun’s voice is raised now, chest heaving with the force of his breath. “If not for yourself, do it for them, for _us_.”

He looks up at his friend in a new light. Seungyoun had taken the effort to gel his hair up today, his forehead in full view as he stares down at Jinhyuk with a blazing fire in his eyes. He’s even wearing a dress shirt, a far cry from Jinhyuk’s own attire. It’s then that the idea hits him.

“Then you do it, Seungyoun-ah,” he says, the plan already starting to form in his head. “I’ll admit to my wrongdoings and step down as CEO, then I’ll announce that I’m handing the position to you, Cho Seungyoun.”

Seungyoun’s jaw drops. “You’ve got to be kidding me, you fucker, I don’t want to be a CEO! I just want to fool around in my mountains of cash and write music, don’t push all this off on me!”

“Then _who_?” he asks, hating just how much it sounds like he’s pleading. “I’m so _tired_ , Seungyoun-ah, I don’t want to do this anymore. It feels like all these years were just a waste, that I’ve become someone I never wanted to be in order to chase a teenage dream that was over a long fucking time ago and I’m tired, I’m so, _so_ _tired_.”

“Jinhyuk-ah…”

Suddenly the dark walls of his office feel like they’re closing in on him and he can’t _breathe_ , he needs to get out, out, out—

“Sir?” Minju pokes her head into the office tentatively, trying to have as little of her body inside the room as possible. She glances at him and Seungyoun as if worried they were about to set off a bomb or something, gulping hard as their attention is now directed at her. “Uh, sir, there’s someone in the lobby asking to see you, a Seon Yein-ssi? Should I send him up?”

Oh god. It’s Wooseok’s best friend.

Jinhyuk swallows hard. “S-send him up,” he stutters, feeling all the blood drain out of his face within a second. Seungyoun himself looks a little pale, having heard plenty of tales from Wooseok’s high school days over the course of the Paris trip. 

He lets out a small, shuddering breath. Out of the corner of his eye he spots Seungyoun attempting to make a run for it, edging his way around the table and in the direction of the door. Jinhyuk reaches out and clamps a hand around Seungyoun’s wrist; he isn’t going _anywhere_.

Honestly, Jinhyuk is preparing himself for a tall, monstrous giant of a man based on what he’s heard from Wooseok’s stories. So when a tiny, baby-faced angel of a boy comes storming into his office looking out for blood, it’s needless to say that Jinhyuk is a little shocked. The boy strides up to his desk that he and Seungyoun are hiding behind and stabs a finger into Jinhyuk’s chest.

“ _You_! You fucked up!” he hisses, eyes full of blazing fury. Jinhyuk’s heart stings: for the tiniest of moments, Seon Yein reminds him exactly of Wooseok. “You hurt him and now he’s missing and it’s all your fault!”

A small crowd of curious trainees has formed outside the room now, peering in through the glass doors at the small blonde haired boy yelling at two considerably larger men who also just so happen to be the biggest bosses in the company. Seungyoun looks about to go out and shoo them away when aa few of the X1 members appear, a fierce looking boy he recognises as Lee Hangyul and their resident taekwondo master Kim Yohan.

The two of them manage to sort out the crowd pretty quickly, Yohan turning back to glance at Jinhyuk with a knowing look. He nods once at him before following after Hangyul, the hallway outside his office now blissfully empty. Jinhyuk turns his attention back to the fuming Yein and feels himself shrink beneath the smaller boy’s gaze, the fists clenched at his sides looking ready to come flying at any moment.

“You told him you’d protect him and make him happy!” Yein shouts, Jinhyuk’s heart clenching in pain. He knows, he knows very well. “And now the press is on a witch hunt for him and he’s missing—“

Jinhyuk’s eyes widen. “He’s not with you?” 

This whole time he’d just assumed that Wooseok would seek refuge with his friends after leaving the dorms and their apartment, or at the very least tell them all where he was going. He hadn’t even entertained the idea that they’d be just as in the dark as he is…

“Have you tried calling him? His parents? Maybe—“

_’SLAP’_

For such a little guy, Seon Yein sure packs one hell of a slap.

 _Ouch_ , his cheek stings.

“Don’t talk like you care about Wooseok when you’re the one that drove him to do this, if it weren’t for you he wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with!”

Seungyoun interjects. “Hey, it’s not Jinhyuk’s fault those photos got leaked, and he’s facing a lot of shit too. He _loves_ Wooseokie, he never meant to hurt him intentionally.”

Yein scoffs, glaring up at Jinhyuk with such disdain Jinhyuk can almost taste it in the air between them. For a moment he feels like arguing back and standing up for himself, then the hopelessness of the past week returns to him in one fell swoop and all of the fight seeps out of him like water from a broken glass. 

“Intentionally or not, you still hurt him,” Yein says, his voice just a little softer than it was before. “And isn’t it worse, really? That you didn’t mean to but still did.”

Jinhyuk opens his mouth to speak but no words come out, all of them just as stuck in his throat as those three words he wished he’d had the courage to say to Wooseok before. So he stays silent, Yein’s eyes full of the same disappointment he feels in his own heart as he takes his leave.

Seungyoun escorts him out, not trusting any of the more nosey trainees to not pounce on the boy the second he steps out of the office for details. Left alone in the silence of his office, Jinhyuk has never wanted to just disappear from existence more than right then and there.

He sinks into his chair and rubs at his eyes until they’re red and stinging, a bad habit that Wooseok had always chastised him for doing. He almost laughs, wondering just how he’d managed to let a boy ten years younger than him slip past his defences so easily.

Had he been a replacement for Dongyeol, he starts to wonder now, remembering how those catlike eyes had entranced him, how they’d sparkled in the neon lights, how they’d taken Jinhyuk back to simpler, happier days with just a single look. He’d never consciously thought about how similar Wooseok looks to Dongyeol, though perhaps it had been that link between them that had unconsciously drawn Jinhyuk into him in the first place…

Wooseok had been the first person to touch him without making him feel like his skin was crawling, a fact that hadn’t even registered in his mind until he’d returned home later that night. Wooseok had crashed into his life like a hurricane, sweeping him up in his vibrance and his featherlight kisses before Jinhyuk had ever realised his feet had left the ground.

But now he’s gone, and Jinhyuk is left to free fall back down to earth.

The buzz of his phone on the desk snaps him out of his thoughts, the sight of the last name he wants to see right now on the screen quelling the tiny seed of hope that had dared to form in his belly. 

_LEE DONGYEOL (NEW)_

Yes, the very last person of all last persons.

Not feeling up to another round of self hatred just yet, Jinhyuk lets the phone ring until it goes silent. He almost lets out a sigh of relief when it just starts again: Dongyeol always has been persistent in getting what he wants.

Perhaps that’s why he hadn’t let up on trying to scare Wooseok away until he had literal _bones_ broken.

Exhaling roughly in frustration, Jinhyuk grabs his phone off the desk and swipes to answer the call. 

“What do you want, Dongyeol,” he says, trying to keep his emotions level.

For a moment there’s nothing but static noise and Jinhyuk is honestly tempted to just hang up. “Hyung, I’ve just flown back to Seoul, can… Can we meet?”

“Shouldn’t you be in the hospital recovering?” he says, not bothering to hide how _done_ he is with this conversation already. Regardless of how sorry he’d felt (feels) towards Dongyeol for what’d happened in their past, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and feelings about all the bullshit Dongyeol had pulled after their little scene in the hospital had really shone some light on how much of a complete ass the younger boy had been both to Wooseok _and_ him.

So, needless to say, Jinhyuk wasn’t quite in the mood to see Dongyeol’s face without any sort of punching being involved.

“Jinwook-hyung is keeping me on bed rest at his house,” Dongyeol explains and Jinhyuk relishes in the sheepishness in the younger boy’s voice. “Please, hyung? I want to make things right and explain myself—“

“Explain what? Explain how you thought I’d _ever_ be like that fucking bastard? Explain how you decided to ruin my relationship because you couldn’t be bothered to actually learn about it first?”

“Everything, I’ll explain everything just… Meet with me just this once and I won’t bother you again.”

He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t. If he were smart he should just say no right now and then go home and attempt to drown in the shower as he has been doing for the past week since Wooseok left.

But unfortunately Jinhyuk is a dumbass. And he says yes.

* * *

“Jinhyuk-ah… You look terrible,” is the first thing Jinwook says to him as he opens the door to his house for him. It’s a nice little place in a gated community, perfectly quaint and suiting Jinwook’s personality to a T. Jinhyuk scowls at the jibe, not feeling anywhere near the mood to hear how shit he looks when he feels a thousand times worse inside.

He says a few things he’s not proud of, but he’ll apologise profusely to his eldest hyung later.

“And whose fault is that, Hyung?” he demands, a twinge of guilt in his chest at the hurt look on Jinwook’s face. “It was whatever it was that you told him that made him think I could be like Jungseok and hurt Wooseok the way he did. You know, I was really scared about that too but I really, _really_ didn’t need that fear thrown back in my face the way it was.”

Jinwook winces. “I know, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way at all… I just mentioned to Dongyeol about how you saw Wooseokie in your company auditions and fell in love because I thought it was cute and—“

“You what?” Jinhyuk interrupts, confusion filling him at Jinwook’s words. That hadn’t been how he’d met Wooseok, heck, he’d never even have _approached_ Wooseok if he met him first as a trainee and not as the boy who made his heart pound in that club. “I met him previously elsewhere so I knew him before the auditions, I didn’t just pick out the cutest boy in the lineup and decide to hook up with him—who do you think I am?”

“No! I mean I was just hearing bits and pieces of the story from Seungyounnie so I just assumed…”

“Why didn’t you come and ask me yourself?”

His eldest hyung looks at him with a soft, sad look in his eyes. “You’ve become so cold, Jinhyuk-ah, ever since we disbanded and Dongyeol left, it’s a little difficult to get you to open up nowadays…” he whispers, an emotion that Jinhyuk doesn’t think he has the right to understand quite yet painted across his features. “You just became so much happier and yourself with Wooseokie that it made me so excited and I told Dongyeollie everything, Hyung is sorry, Jinhyuk-ah.”

Jinhyuk’s anger dissipates slightly and he feels his shoulders slump. He shouldn’t be blaming Jinwook or even Dongyeol really, not when it was his own lack of transparency and honesty with Wooseok that had driven the boy away. He should never have gotten into a relationship with him when he wasn’t a hundred percent himself, when there were still parts of him that were lost and broken. 

He should have fixed _himself_ first, not depended on Wooseok to do it for him.

That is his mistake and he’ll have to own up to it. 

“No, I’m sorry, Hyung, I should have approached you more and confided in you… Especially back then…” he apologises, lowering his head.

Jinwook pats lightly at the top of his head, the lightest of touches. “Just come around for dinner more often, okay Jinhyukie? My door has been and always will be open to you.”

“I will…” he mumbles, not trusting his voice to not crack as the increasingly familiar sensation of tears forming starts to sting at the corners of his eyes.

“Dongyeollie is upstairs in the guest bedroom, he’s been up all day waiting for you,” Jinwook says as he locks the door tightly behind them, gesturing with his chin towards the stairway. There’s a pot of something bubbling away on the stove that makes Jinhyuk’s empty stomach growl but he ignores it, only nodding as he starts up the stairs towards Dongyeol.

He finds Dongyeol’s room almost immediately with a little help from the giant pink poster on the door with the words ‘DONGYEOLLIE <3’ painted on it. Jinhyuk stands before the closed door and draws a shaky breath; forcing his hand to stop trembling as he raises it to turn the doorknob. Beneath the scent of disinfectant and laundry that wafts into his face the moment the door swings open is the fragrance of flowers, fresh and sweet.

Around the elegantly decorated bedroom sits hundreds of fresh flowers, some in pots and others in pretty crystal vases. Jinhyuk almost smiles; it’s typical Jinwook, always spoiling their maknae.

Dongyeol who had propped up in the bed against a good ten pillows playing with his phone snaps his head towards Jinhyuk as he enters, the bruises and cuts along his skin having already faded and halfway through healing over the past week or so that Jinhyuk hasn’t seen him. His mouth gapes a little as he stares at him, floundering for words.

“H-hyung!” he calls out. “You came.”

“I said I would.” 

He’s curt and it’s obvious by the way Dongyeol winces that he knows exactly why.

“Oh yeah… Right, you always do keep your promises, huh Hyung,” Dongyeol smiles sheepishly, tossing his phone onto the bedside table (also draped with flowers) and gesturing to the small armchair beside the bed. “Sit sit, Hyung, we have a lot to talk about.”

Jinhyuk obliges, though only because he’s pretty sure he’ll drop from exhaustion soon enough if he remains standing for any longer. 

Dongyeol stares straight into his eyes once he’s sat in the rather plush and comfortable armchair, his muscles sighing in relief against the soft pillows. “I know I apologised already at the hospital but I feel like I didn’t explain myself well enough and I want to say that I’m sorry again, if it helps.”

“It doesn’t.”

The maknae grimaces. “Guess I deserved that.”

“You do,” Jinhyuk agrees. It hurts to look at him, to finally see those beautiful features he’d been unconsciously searching for in every person he meets, that he’d finally found in Wooseok. The irony isn’t lost on him, however, that seeing Dongyeol only serves to remind him of Wooseok and no longer the other way around.

Perhaps he’d been _looking_ for Dongyeol, but Wooseok had been the one he’d _found_ and wanted to keep at his side forever. 

“Did you know that Jungseok was a sponsor for UP10TION?” Dongyeol asks, his expression darkening at the mention of his abusive ex lover. “One of our biggest, actually, his company was the one paying for most of our music videos and promotions.”

Jinhyuk hadn’t known this.

“He picked me out of the seven of us, told the company he wanted to have me accompany him to some events as some arm candy. The company couldn’t say no, not when it would risk him pulling his money out of the group,” Dongyeol’s eyes have a faraway, misty quality to them now. “I was told this, of course, but I had to pretend like I had no idea about the truth of our relationship in front of you guys and Jungseok, had to play the perfect little boyfriend to him who clung to his every word and worshipped the ground he walked on.” 

“I had to do everything he wanted because I knew our future depended on it, on him—I couldn’t ruin it for all of you guys, not when we were starting to really make it. I’m sorry for always snapping at you and being so fucking awful to all of you when you were really just worried about me, I was just tired and resentful and angry at the world.”

Jinhyuk feels like his heart is breaking all over again; why hadn’t they known this? How had they allowed for the responsibility of the future and success of their group to rest wholly on the shoulders of their youngest? He looks around the room at the mountains of roses and babies’ breath and peonies and wonders if Jinwook knows this too, if the flowers are not only for Dongyeol’s injuries but an apology for events long passed…

He wants to speak, to say something, to apologise… But the look in Dongyeol’s eyes keeps him silent, tells him to wait and listen for him to finish his story.

“I hated all of you, for a little while. It wasn’t anywhere near any of your faults but I couldn’t help but resent you. Why me? I would think to myself back then, always wondering why it was me that had to take all this burden, this pain. I _hated_ all of the clubs and drinking and drugs but I couldn’t just leave, I had to just sit pretty and take it all, just watching all of my years go by as my friends who’d invite me to meet-ups every weekend stopped texting me, as the dinner table at the dorms eventually stopped having my place set… It hurt so badly and I felt so, so alone.” 

Dongyeol exhales, his breath light and shaking. “Then that night when he’d taken my virginity…” he turns to Jinhyuk with watery, red rimmed eyes. “I wanted to _die_ that night, Hyung, I remember standing on the sidewalk outside our dorms and wondering if a car would pass by fast enough to kill me. But you confessed to me that same night and for the first time in years I felt like I had _hope_ again, that maybe we could still make it even without Jungseok’s sponsorship, that maybe I had someone who could protect me instead…”

Jinhyuk’s heart twists painfully at the memories, wondering, not for the first time, what his life would have been like if Dongyeol had said yes. Would he have met Wooseok in that world? Jinhyuk shakes his head: if it means he doesn’t get to meet Kim Wooseok, then that’s a world he would rather never experience.

“I wasn’t in love with you, Hyung, I’m sorry. I was just in love with the idea of someone else truly loving me that I would have jumped at the chance to be with you even if I could never return your feelings the way you deserved,” he smiles at Jinhyuk then, all sheepish and embarrassed. Jinhyuk can’t find it in himself to be mad at that, he’s far too grateful for Dongyeol’s choice to be. “I was gonna tell him that it was over, that I was done playing house with him but…”

The darkness that falls over Dongyeol’s face is enough to tell Jinhyuk what the next chapter of his story is. “Dongyeol-ah, you don’t have to continue this part—“

“Hyung, let me finish this,” Dongyeol’s tone is firm and shuts Jinhyuk’s protests up immediately. “So I told him that night in the club that I didn’t want to be with him anymore and that I was done being his little plaything and… And he didn’t take it very well. Well, you saw what he did, right?”

Dongyeol screaming and crying for him to help will be something that Jinhyuk will never forget, not for as long as he lives.

But maybe there’ll come a day when he can truly forgive himself for it.

“I was just so _angry_ that night, Hyung, I hated you for a little while even though it was nowhere near your fault and I just resented the world for everything and I’m sorry, Hyung. I ran away from you all after our contracts expired because I couldn’t get rid of that feeling of resentment no matter how hard I tried and I just didn’t want to be in this stupid city anymore, not when every turn and corner reminded me of you guys, of _him_. I couldn’t even go to the police about him because of his influence and how much power he had over our company and our group, he- He said he’d break your legs if I spoke up, Hyung.”

Jinhyuk is floored, never having fully known his own role in Dongyeol’s tale before now. “Dongyeol-ah…”

The maknae shakes his head, lips curved upwards in a small, gentle smile. “It’s okay, Hyung, I know now that it was wrong of me to blame you and the other members for it, you all didn’t know and I’m sure that if you did you would never have let it happen so it is my choice to bear. That night at the club wasn’t your fault, Hyung, I’m sorry it took me so long to understand that and I’m sorry you’ve had to spend all these years blaming yourself for it. This year I finally had the courage to come back and face you all, to apologise for everything, but guess that didn’t quite work out, huh?”

“Then why did you do what you did with Wooseok, if you came back to make amends with us?” Jinhyuk asks, digging his nails into his palms until bright red crescents start to form along his skin. “Why did you not trust me?”

“I don’t know, it was just so long since I’ve seen you and I’ve heard about how big of a company you’ve managed to run and- And I was just scared. It felt like Jungseok all over again, picking out his favourite boy from the lineup and dragging him along to all his functions. I didn’t even stop to think about how you’d never do that, that’s all on me.”

Dongyeol stares into his eyes, utterly serious now. “But I still stand by what I did, even if my methods could have been a little better.”

Anger flares in him now as he stands up from the armchair, fists clenched at his sides. “What the fuck, why would you- W-why do you want me to continue being alone and suffering? I—“

“No, it’s not about you, Hyung, it’s about Wooseok-ssi.”

“What?” 

Dongyeol’s tongue darts out to wet his dry lips, not breaking eye contact with Jinhyuk for a second. “He’s young, Hyung, there’s a ten year age gap between you both.”

Jinhyuk laughs then, incredulous. “That doesn’t matter, there are couples out there with larger age differences than that.”

“Yes, but they’re not a CEO and an idol under the same fucking company, no matter what there’s going to be a power difference between you both and there may very well come a day that Wooseok-ssi will not have the ability to say no. He deserves to live his youth to the fullest with people his own age and truly dedicate himself to his dream, not hang around a man ten years his senior.”

There’s a painful clenching in his chest, as if someone had a hold of his heart and was squeezing it between his ribs. He knows what Dongyeol is saying is true, but he doesn’t want to admit that to himself. It’ll hurt more than it already is, and Jinhyuk would like to relish in his love for Wooseok for just a little while longer.

It’s funny: he thought he’d been prepared to give Wooseok up for his own good, but now he just can’t seem to let him go.

“I love him, Dongyeol-ah, I really, really love him.”

His voice is tight and wet. He hates it.

“But do you love yourself, Hyung?” Dongyeol reaches for him then, wrapping his pinky around Jinhyuk’s in a way that reminds him of their happier, younger days. The areas where Dongyeol is touching feel hot and staticky, but he thinks it’s alright for now, he thinks this small touch is okay. “It took me a lot of time to learn to love myself again, but I don’t think you have, have you?”

Jinhyuk’s head falls, biting his lip to keep himself from breaking apart. “You left… You left us, Dongyeol-ah, how was I supposed to forgive myself if I didn’t even know if you did?”

“I’m so sorry, Hyung, I’m sorry…”

“I’ll get better, I’ll get help,” Jinhyuk promises, though if the words are directed at Dongyeol or himself he’s not too sure. “Dongyeol-ah, I won’t give up on Wooseok, I love him too much. But I know what I’m going to do now.” 

He doesn’t wait for Dongyeol’s response before turning on his heels and exiting the room, the smell of flowers remaining with him for many, many hours later.

* * *

The ten boys standing before him are all wearing the same, depressed expressions on their faces as he looks over them. Even Jinwoo’s usually cheerful demeanour feels dampened and down, his narrow shoulders slumped in on himself. They look hopeless and its Jinhyuk’s fault.

“You all must have heard about the relationship between Wooseok and I by now, and I’d like to extend my formal apology to all of you for any issues it might cause for your upcoming debut,” he bows deeply, a few of the members looking shocked at the action. It’s not often your boss gives you a 90º bow of apology, right?

Jinwoo is the first to speak up, padding softly over to him and hugging him tightly as he always has. He cannot cry, he _cannot_ cry, not when he’s about to go on live television in less than ten minutes. “Will Wooseok-hyung be okay? Is he coming back soon? We all miss him a lot…”

He nods, ruffling Jinwoo’s hair affectionately. With all the drama of the past few months, Jinhyuk has been a little too distracted to pay attention to Jinwoo. He’ll have to rectify that after all this is over. “Yeah, I’ll get Wooseok back and make sure you guys will still have the best goddamn debut this country has ever seen, alright?”

The tall boy that he’s often seen Wooseok hanging around, Minhee, is staring at him with an unreadable expression, not saying a single word but just watching him. Jinhyuk is a little unnerved but thinks nothing of it; these are good boys, he won’t let his mistakes hurt them any more than they already have.

Minju pops her head into the studio where Jinhyuk had called the boys to gather, the sight of the ever familiar clipboard in her hands bringing a smile to his face despite the somber mood in the room. “Sir? The press are ready for you, cameras going live in two minutes.”

“Thank you, Minju,” he says, trying to convey as much gratitude in his voice as he can. She’s stuck by him well for the past few years, catering to his whims and moods with not so much as a clenched jaw. He can’t remember if he’s ever truly let her know how thankful he is for her, he should probably learn now to do that more often.

Jinhyuk turns back to the boys with the widest smile he can muster. “It was nice to be able to get to know you all for a little while, and to be able to write music for you; it’s been an honour. I have to go now, but I wish you all good luck wherever the future may lead you.”

He walks out of them room before any of the members can see his eyes starting to go red. Minju, as attentive a secretary as always, hands him a tissue from her pocket and looks away to let him keep at least some of his pride as he dabs at the wetness forming there. The press conference had been arranged in their largest dance studio, the very same one that had played host to Wooseok’s audition.

It all comes full circle in the end, it seems.

The flashing lights of cameras and the sound of rapid shutters are distinctly familiar to him, so Jinhyuk doesn’t feel too nervous as he takes his place up on the podium placed at the front of the room and faces the sea of press. He takes a deep breath, fingering the small object he has tucked away in his pants pocket for comfort.

It’s a tiny silver ring, nothing particularly extravagant but no less special to him. Wooseok had come home one day with a matching pair of them, purchased with some of his friends from Hongdae or Garosu-gil or another one of those sorts of places. _‘A couple ring!_ ’ he’d said then, slipping the thin metal onto the ring finger onto Jinhyuk’s pinky finger with one of the breathtaking smiles that never fails to make Jinhyuk’s heart thump.

They’d never been able to truly wear it in public from fear of being caught out by some perceptive fans but Jinhyuk supposes there’s no time like the present to finally show it off. It’d been the only items related to Jinhyuk that Wooseok hadn’t left back in the apartment, a tiny seed of hope for Jinhyuk that the younger might still love him the way he had when he’d bought them.

He slides the ring onto his pinky and places his hands at his side, bowing to the cameras as the red recording lights start to flash. 

They’re live now.

There are questions being fired at him from every direction but he merely holds up his hands until the rooms goes completely silent, waiting for him to speak. “We’ll start from the left and work our way to the right, one at a time please.” 

The first question already feels like a solid punch in the gut. “What is your relationship with Kim Wooseok, exactly?”

Jinhyuk gulps, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. “Kim Wooseok was my boyfriend,” he says simply, trying not to let the sudden increase in camera flashes intimidate him. “There were no ill intentions from both him and I throughout the course of our relationship, it was purely an emotionally driven relationship between two grown men, nothing more.”

Another reporter, a young woman with a fire in her eyes stands up to ask her question. “Was Kim Wooseok selected as a member of the group X1 as a result of special favour or bias?”

“No, he was chosen by my team based purely on talent and chemistry with the other members, I had no role in putting him in the lineup.”

“Did you manipulate Kim Wooseok into a relationship with you because of your power over him as his boss?”

“Absolutely not, I would never do a thing like that to any of my trainees, let alone Wooseok.”

“Did Kim Wooseok seduce you for your money and power within the company, then?”

The glare he sends the reporter is so fierce he can see her physically shrink in on herself from the intensity of it. “He is not that sort of person and never will be, I kindly ask for all of you and our viewers online to remain respectful to him as he is undeserving of any ill word.”

“Lee Jinhyuk-ssi, you said earlier that he _was_ your boyfriend, what is the status of your current relationship with Kim Wooseok now?”

For a moment the room around him fades to a blur, the chatter and noise going silent. All he can hear is his own breathing, his own heartbeat. He turns directly to the blinking red light of the camera, staring straight into the lens.

“I am completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with him,” he says, the weight of the unspoken words now finally lifted from his shoulders. He’s never believed something so truly in his life, but the fact that he loves Wooseok has always been inevitable. “Wooseok-ah, I’m sorry I was never able to say it to you before, but I love you very much and I hope one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“The days since you walked into my life have been my happiest and I am forever in your debt for them. I am so, so thankful to have had even the most passing of glimpses of the brilliant, shooting star you are and I know you’ll continue to shine brightly no matter where you go. I am not a religious man and I never will be, but being able to love and _be_ loved by you was a blessing and I- Thank you, Wooseok-ah.”

The room is in uproar at his sudden deviance from the conference but Jinhyuk doesn’t care anymore, he’s said all he’d wanted to.

There’s only one last thing. “It is at this conference that I officially announce my resignation as CEO of X1 Entertainment, I’d like to extend a humble thank you to all of my fans and fans of groups managed by the company for supporting all of us these many years, but it has come time for me to pass the torch on to someone else I know will be able to run this company far better than I ever will, Noh Sooil. The group X1 will be debuting under his management, thank you all for attending today.”

He spots Seungyoun standing in the corner of the room with his jaw on the floor, eyes opened so wide Jinhyuk can see more whites than pupil. This wasn’t just a spur of the moment decision for him, no, he’s been drowning in his role of CEO ever since he’d started. It’s time he goes back to his roots, to doing what he loves but hasn’t been able to truly enjoy for a long, long time. He had never wanted to do this, he’d only done it to prove to himself that he could become a man Dongyeol would want, though that goal had been forgotten somewhere along the way.

Well, now he’s done it. X1 Entertainment is at a peak and he’s shown the world he’s more than just an idol. He can rest now.

Jinhyuk bows one last time before stepping off the podium, ignoring the shouts and cries of his name in favour of placing one foot in front of the other. With all the press and cameras locked in the studio, the lobby and entrance are blessedly quiet.

He smiles then, the chains of his past now finally unlocked, no longer shackling him to the old, childish promises and naive dreams of a younger self. He’s free.

He’s no longer Wei of UP10TION, no longer Mr. Lee, the CEO and founder of X1 Entertainment. Now he can be just _Jinhyuk_ , just a man, just himself. 

Just himself.

Jinhyuk is about to walk right out of the company building when a shout from behind him stops him in his tracks. It’s Minhee, panting with his hands on his knees as he comes to a screeching halt in front of him. His face is red from exertion, his hair dripping with sweat.

“I- I had to- I had to run down the stairs from the 5th floor because the elevators were too- too slow and I had to catch you before you left, sir…” he says, struggling to catch his breath. “I saw your- your interview and I heard what you said to Wooseok-hyung and I just wanted to say that I believe every word you said!”

His heart feels warm and he reaches out to squeeze the young boy’s shoulder. “Thanks, Minhee-yah, I’m sorry I won’t be able to watch over you boys anymore for your debut but Sooil is a good man, he’ll take care of all of you—“

“I know where Wooseok-hyung is!” he says, a lot louder than he probably meant to. Jinhyuk’s eyes widen, his heart forgetting to beat for a moment.

“You do?” he whispers, his traitorous heart daring to _hope_ yet once more.

Minhee nods, handing him a small sheet of paper with an address scribbled across it. “He’s been staying at my parent’s house since I’ve been living in the dorms with the other members, I haven’t spoken to him since the time he came to me for help but my parents give me updates every once in a while, he’s not doing very well. They say he’s sad but I think what you said today in your conference will fix that, right sir?” 

Jinhyuk’s throat feels dry but he swallows hard anyways. “I hope so, Minhee-yah.”

The younger boy smiles, reaching a hand up to brush back the strands of freshly dyed pinkish blonde hair. The boys are going to start shooting their album jacket photos soon, after all. “Bring him back to us, okay sir? The dorm is kind of a mess without him and the little ones miss him a lot, we _all_ miss him a lot.”

 _I miss him too_ , Jinhyuk wants to say, but he stays silent and simply nods, gripping that sheet of paper between his fingers so tightly he can feel it crumple.

Hope, he thinks, feels like a wonderful thing.

* * *

Minhee’s house is in a very, very nice neighbourhood, reminding him almost of Jinwook’s though this seems a little more modern and upper class than quaint and cosy. It’s the kind of neighbourhood that Jinhyuk could think about settling down in if he weren’t so attached to his penthouse overlooking the city. And besides, there are too many good memories attached to that place now to let it go, no matter how much it hurts him to remember them.

The boy must have sent word ahead to his parents as the guards to the estate open the gates for him without a word, and he finds himself in front of Minhee’s house far sooner than he’s ready for. He hovers over the doorbell hesitantly, wondering when would be a good time for him to ring it.

Eventually Minhee’s parents make the decision for him, the large iron gates parting before him so suddenly that he jumps. Soon enough a tiny grey pup comes dashing out of the front door, skidding on the slippery driveway and barreling straight into his legs. He nearly tips over himself but manages to stay on his feet, kneeling down to let the little pup leap into his arms and cover his face with slobber.

“Hello there little one, what are you doing out here?” he whispers, nuzzling the puppy with his nose. It reminds him of his own pup back in his hometown, Arong. The sound of footsteps draws his attention away from the puppy, looking up to see a shivering Wooseok charging out the door while simultaneously trying to pull on a coat.

“Bomi-yah! Don’t run out of the gate like that—“ Wooseok stops right in his tracks as he finally catches sight of Jinhyuk, his body going so stiff that Jinhyuk worries for a moment if he’s actually breathing. “Jinhyuk-ah…”

The sound of Wooseok’s voice is enough to make his throat feel tight, never realising just how much he missed it until he’s hearing it again. Wooseok’s gaze falls to the puppy (Bomi?) he has clutched in his arms, a sigh of relief escaping him.

Jinhyuk stands up and walks over to Wooseok with Bomi in hand, passing the puppy over to Wooseok who takes her gratefully. For a moment it’s just silent, the sounds of the city far away enough that they can’t hear it.

Wooseok is the first to speak. “You’re wearing the ring.”

“I am,” there’s nothing more for him to hide after all.

“I saw your conference.”

“I hoped you would.”

“Did you mean what you said there?” Wooseok asks, looking up at him through his eyelashes. His skin looks a little sallow and dry but Jinhyuk heaves a sigh of relief at the fullness of his cheeks; Minhee’s parents must be looking after him well. Jinhyuk wants to take that cheek in his hand and run his thumbs over the dark circles that have formed beneath his eyes, but he keeps his arms firmly at his sides.

He bites at his lip but nods, entranced by the way Wooseok looks more beautiful than ever despite the tiredness in his eyes. He can finally say it now, the lump in his throat cleared along with the now faded smell of flowers in a warm bedroom. “Every word, Wooseok-ah. I love you, more than my own life.”

Bomi reaches up with her little tongue to lick at the beads of tears slipping down Wooseok’s cheeks, the boy giggling softly at the ticklish contact despite the shuddering of his shoulders.

“I’m sorry I was never able to say it to you before, but I hope you know that even if I never said it it doesn’t mean I never felt it,” he whispers, finally closing the gap between them to swipe away one of the tears that Bomi had missed from Wooseok’s face. “I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you forever.”

Wooseok is full-on crying now, his eyes so red and watery that Jinhyuk’s own start to match them. He clings to Bomi and muffles his sobs into her soft fur, the puppy looking utterly content to be used as a tissue as she sniffs at Jinhyuk’s face.

“D- Dong- Dongyeol-ssi called me last night and he apologised for everything, he told me why he did what he did and honestly I wanted to strangle him through the phone but I can’t even hate him for it,” Wooseok mumbles in between his sobs, still using Bomi as a glorified cotton ball. “But he wasn’t the reason I left Paris, you know that right?”

He does know, he knows very well.

“I left because of you, because you were hiding so much from me and it just felt so unfair like I didn’t even really know you but you knew all about me and…” he swallows hard, peering up at Jinhyuk with such a sad, innocent look on his face that Jinhyuk feels about ready to drop to his knees for him. “Jinhyuk-ah, you need to get some help, you have these awful nightmares and these fits of anger and sadness and _I don’t know_ how to help you.”

“I’ll do it, I’ll go get some therapy and I’ll make myself get better. I’ll get through this, I promise,” and he will, he knows he shouldn’t have ever depended on Wooseok to make him better, it’s just not fair. “But once I have, once I can become a person you can depend on and who can love you completely with every fibre of his soul… Will you give me another chance to?”

Wooseok smiles, a small, woeful smile but a smile nonetheless. “I feel like I should say no and tell you to fuck off and leave me alone,” Jinhyuk’s heart sinks, his face falling right along with it. “ _But…_ I never really do what I should anyways so yes, I’ll wait for you, Jinhyuk-ah.”

If he weren’t worried about utterly humiliating himself in front of Wooseok he would have fallen to the ground and ugly cried, but he is so he doesn’t.

“I won’t have you waiting too long, Wooseok-ah, I know you’re too impatient for that,” he jokes, trying to mask the warmth of utter _relief_ that is flooding through his previously icy veins. “Please come back to the company, I’ve stepped down as CEO now so you’ll never have to feel pressured by me or my position, I’ll come back to you as just Lee Jinhyuk, alright?”

The displeasure on Wooseok’s face then throws him off. “So you’re just quitting then? Leaving behind everything you’ve worked so hard for all for me?”

“No! I mean, yes, but I’ve never really enjoyed being a CEO, I just liked the freedom that came with owning my own company and being able to write the music I wanted and form the groups that I liked.”

“And you’re giving that all up now?” Wooseok demands, setting Bomi down by his feet where she curls up obediently. He has his arms crossed over his chest trying to look scary but honestly all Jinhyuk can think about is how adorable he looks and how much he wants to hug him. “I’m not going back unless you tell me you are too.”

“Wooseok-ah…”

“That’s my deal, take it or leave it, mister.”

 _Ha_ , mister. How familiar that is.

He beams at Wooseok, the nostalgia from that single word enough to brighten his somber mood entirely. “Okay then, Wooseokie, I won’t leave the company completely. I’ll stick around and annoy the shit out of you every day because I’m no longer your boss so I’m free to do whatever I want like Seungyounnie, how’s that sound for you?”

Wooseok snickers. “Bring it on mister.” 

Jinhyuk wants to sing even though he has the most god awful singing voice in the history of singing voices. This is what happiness must feel like, he thinks, true happiness. He wants to stay this happy forever, remaining in this bubble of winter and puppies and laughter with Wooseok for all of eternity.

But first things first, he’ll have to steal Minju from Sooil so she can help him book an appointment with the best goddamn therapist Seoul has to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness we're drawing so so close to the ending now and I'm honestly really emotional because this fic is like my firstborn child for pdx101 and I'm not ready to kick it out of the nest and send it off to college (aka, the completed fics tag). I know last chapter was a wild, emotion filled rollercoaster but this is like a soft merry go round of sadness and feels and nostalgia because there are quite a few references here and there to earlier chapters and don't touch me I'm soft. I hope you all liked this chapter as much as the previous ones and I hoped it helped to clear up a lot of hatred and resentment towards Dongyeol and Jinhyuk as much as possible because I love them both and did them so dirty I'm sorry babies. 
> 
> Leave some kudos and a review if you like, it really makes my day! 
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for general rants about mini and the occasional spoiler <3


	10. 소년미

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a wild ride with y'all :')
> 
> Listen to this during the special scene (you'll know when you see it) for extra feels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCETkLyO7ps

Aside from their bumpy beginnings, X1 debuts with a startling hit. Though the scandal had tried to drag Wooseok and Jinhyuk’s names through the mud, the two of them had emerged from the earth stronger and with more eyes on them than ever. Jinhyuk did end up passing the company to Sooil in the end, though Sooil fell into the role like a fish in water and, with Jinhyuk’s advice and guidance from behind the scenes, led the company to rocket high stocks and global recognition.

Jinhyuk, as he had promised Wooseok that day in the melting snow, remained in the company as a producer and occasional rap trainer, with him and Seungyoun galavanting through the company grinning like a pair of thieves leaving mischief and trouble in their wake. He looks far happier like that than he ever had before, Wooseok thinks.

Their debut mini album had broke all of the records, with their sales being the highest in all of South Korean history. Wooseok’s proud of all their achievements, despite the idol route never having been on his radar until desperation truly struck.

But he likes the work—he likes the training and practicing and teamwork, likes the midnight chicken feet in the dance studio with the mirrors steamed up from their sweat, likes the weird and wacky questions fans ask them in post-it notes at fansigns, likes recording music over and over again until it’s perfect. The work is hard, that cannot be denied, but Wooseok loves it nonetheless.

He takes great pride in how well the younger ones have grown, no matter how cheeky and devilish they may act sometimes. Such as now.

“HYUNG FIGHTING!” Dongpyo is screaming at the top of his little lungs as Wooseok’s name is called by his university’s CEO from her podium on the stage. 

That’s right. He’s graduating.

Though he’d wandered in to the idol life purely out of a desire to avoid going to university, somehow about a year and a half into debut he’d found himself enrolling in an undergraduate degree in psychology. Watching Jinhyuk slowly open up from the trauma of his past and listening to Dongyeol’s many stories about his own self recovery had gotten him rather interested in the field of psychology, so much so that he’d ended up paying far too much money to get a degree in it.

His parents had finally contacted him again after finding out about his enrolment but he didn’t fall for it; he hasn’t spoken to them for years. They’d abandoned him; he’ll never forget that. 

Wooseok hadn’t even sent them an invite to his graduation ceremony, using up all of his slots and some extras he’d managed to gather from classmates on his closest friends and colleagues. He readjusts his robe and cap as he stands from his chair, inhaling deeply to try and calm his racing heart. The stands are filled with parents and friends alike, a small smile creeping onto his lips despite himself at the sight of the mass of X1 and BY9 members, Seungyoun, Jinhyuk, Dongyeol, and other colleagues occupying a good third of their section.

Maybe he _had_ gone a little overboard with the invites after all.

Dongpyo, Hyeongjun, Jinwoo, and Minhee are all leaning over the side of the balcony with huge homemade signboards with his name written in obnoxiously coloured glitter, oblivious to the open mouthed stares from all around them.

BY9 had debuted about 2 years after X1 had to great success, their debut sales had been just scratching at X1’s but Wooseok thinks they may surpass them yet one day. Jungmo had kept his promise after all, ending up as BY9’s centre through sheer will and effort. The fans love seeing them interact at music shows when their promotion periods end up overlapping, and the two of them often go out for late night ramyeon or ice cream whenever they can fit it in between their crazy rehearsal schedules. 

“YOU GO WOOSHINIE!” Yein screeches this time, having acquired one of his many fan cheering kits from somewhere and is now waving it frantically above his head with the widest, proudest grin Wooseok has ever seen on his face. Yein himself had graduated from university a few years earlier than Wooseok, now working as a preschool teacher during the day and moonlighting as a singer at a few pubs around town. 

He’s sure his face is bright red but he waves up at his (embarrassing) friends anyways, his breath catching as he makes eye contact with one of them. Jinhyuk looks handsome as he always does, though today he seems exceptionally radiant. He’d dyed his hair back to his natural black following his retirement as CEO, wanting to stay a little more under the radar for at least a little while.

Trying to convince Jinhyuk to go brown had been a struggle, though a worthwhile one. He’s never looked more like an angel, with tufts of light brown hair framing his face as he smiles down at Wooseok. He no longer has nightmares or fits of anxiety, somehow he’d regained his love for skinship and spends far too much time in Wooseok’s opinion cuddling everyone around him.

It’d taken him a while, but here they all are.

Jinwoo ducks beneath Jinhyuk’s arm and beams at him, Jinhyuk moving instinctively to cradle the younger boy to him in a half hug. Jinwoo has shot up to be a good head taller than Wooseok, the baby-fat softness he’d retained all the way up until he turned 18 last year now melted away into the chiselled lines of his jaw and cheekbones.

The fans are going crazy over him now, with some of their older fans unable to fully process Jinwoo’s transformation from an adorable 14 year old boy into the man he’s become today. Dohyon, though the same age as Jinwoo, is still stubbornly holding onto his baby fat, but Wooseok thinks that might be due to how much the younger boy enjoys his food. 

Minhee ended up towering over all of them by the time he hit 18, all long limbs and slim muscles until he started getting dragged by Yohan and Hangyul to the gym. Wooseok still goes with him to visit his parents every once in a while, always bringing along a basket of fruit or a bottle of wine as a thank you for that week they’d taken him in all those years ago.

Dongpyo, unsurprisingly to them and all of their fans, had remained the smallest in the group despite growing an extra few inches over the years. His frame is still slim and fragile, though there’s a maturity in his eyes and a confidence in his smile that hadn’t quite been there when they’d debuted. 

Wooseok ascends the stairs up to the stage carefully, not wanting to trip and land flat on his face in front of so many people, including his many friends who will not hesitate to bring up any embarrassing incidents 10 years down the road if they wish to. Studying for his degree in between promotions with X1 and filming for the smalltime drama gig he’d gotten hadn’t been easy and it’d taken him far longer than most of the classmates he’d started out the course with, but if there’s one thing Wooseok isn’t it’s a quitter.

“Congratulations Mr. Kim,” their CEO says as she takes his hand and shakes it firmly, handing him his diploma with a look of pride in her old, wisened eyes. Wooseok wouldn’t be able to count the number of times he’d been in her office begging for more time on one hand, and though she’d managed to resist his aegyo at the start he likes to think he eventually wore her down. “You finally did it!”

“Yeah, finally,” his eyes are a little teary but he blinks them away before anyone can catch sight of them, taking the diploma and bowing deeply at the old woman before him.

“WOOSEOKIE! SMILE FOR A PICTURE!” Dongyeol is the one to shout, a humongous camera reminiscent of the ones his fansites carry around in his hands. How he got one of those Wooseok has no idea, but his idol reflexes instinctively snap a wide, toothy grin on his face for the camera. Seungyoun hip-butts Dongyeol out of the way and snatches the camera out of his hands.

“SMILE AGAIN BUT A LITTLE LESS FAKE THIS TIME!” Seungyoun calls out, making the school CEO and a few of his classmates laugh out loud. Wooseok shoots the older man a glare in between his next smile, warning him about the tickling torture that will ensue later once he’s out of this stupid gown.

He bows once more at the old woman before walking off the stage and reclaiming his seat, elbowing one of his classmates in the ribs as they guffaw at him.

Soon enough the ceremony is over and Wooseok dashes out into the blinding sun, leaping straight into Jinhyuk’s waiting arms. There are people around them staring but Wooseok doesn’t care, not when Jinhyuk’s arms fit so perfectly around him. Jinhyuk lifts him right off the ground and spins him around, the graduation cap on his head falling off with the movement.

From somewhere behind him Jungmo picks up the fallen cap and plops it on his own head, gesturing for Minhee to help take a picture of him with it on. Wooseok laughs at his friend’s antics from his perch in Jinhyuk’s embrace, cheeks flaming as his older boyfriend leans forward to press a featherlight kiss to his cheek.

Hearing a familiar set of screeching voices, Wooseok quickly scrambles down from Jinhyuk’s arms and steels himself in preparation for the three barrelling bodies coming his way. Despite his few moments of warning, Wooseok still ends up stumbling backwards as Yein, Gyujin, and Hwanhee run head first into him, their laughter and their smiles as familiar as the warmth of sunlight brushing his cheekbones.

“You’re officially a university graduate now!” Gyujin says as he squeezes at the back of his neck, the touch bringing him back to their younger, uniformed days in high school. Hwanhee has his arm wrapped around Dongyeol’s slim waist off to the side of their little group, a warm, affectionate look in Dongyeol’s eyes as he looks at Hwanhee.

How the two of them had somehow gotten together Wooseok doesn’t know, but what he _does_ know is how sickeningly disgusting the two of them can get sometimes and he lowkey hates it. He supposes he has himself to blame for this, what with him striking up an unlikely friendship with the older boy despite all of the fiasco he’d caused in Paris and inviting him to a birthday party hosted by his high school friends _once_.

That’d been all it took, really, for Hwanhee to worm himself into Dongyeol’s affections and end up the way they are today.

Dongyeol has gotten ahold of his ridiculously large camera again and has Wooseok line up with his many friends for pictures, smiling so much his cheeks are positively aching by the end of it. There are a few fans that approach the members of X1 and BY9 asking for pictures as well, and while Wooseok would gladly accept any selcas or photos on a regular day, he wants to keep this one just for him and his family. 

He looks over their large group with a fond smile, wondering how he’d gone from being homeless and sleeping on Yein’s couch for weeks to being a part of something that’s honestly so much bigger than himself. He loves them all, so much so he can feel his very heart wanting to explode out of his chest.

Hwanhee and Dongyeol start bickering again much to the amusement of Minhee and Dongpyo who are cheering them on, with Gyujin and Jungmo having struck up a deep conversation off to the side. Wooseok smirks; perhaps they will be the next couple of the group.

An arm is snaked around his waist but he doesn’t jump, not when the sensation feels oh-so-much like coming _home_. “I’m proud of you, baby,” Jinhyuk whispers to him, kissing the top of his now cap-less head with a smile. “You’ve worked hard, Wooseok-ah.”

Wooseok turns his head to look up at Jinhyuk, at the gentle slope of his nose he loves to kiss, at his large, almond shaped eyes, at his thin, soft lips… The love he feels towards the man holding him in his arms is almost overwhelming, the feeling so strong and potent he wants to shout it from the rooftops and let the whole world know just how much he loves Lee Jinhyuk.

What he’d felt for him when he was 20 pales in comparison to this, that simple puppy love almost insignificant in the enormity of his emotions towards the person Jinhyuk has become over the past 5 years since then. They hadn’t gotten back together until almost a year and a half after X1 had debuted, what with Wooseok still busy with promotions and Jinhyuk in and out of therapy. He’d learned to finally open up about his past and his feelings, leading to quite a number of late nights spent crying together in their bed.

He’s grown up quite a bit himself too, definitely maturing from his 20 year old self. He knows now that his reaction to Jinhyuk back in Paris had indeed been a little overboard, in fact if he’d simply went back to their hotel room and slept it off they probably could have had a calm, adult conversation the next morning.

But he was young and dumb and emotional, so of course he hadn’t done that.

There are still a small group of people who are against his and Jinhyuk’s relationship, though the number of supporters they have are far greater. After all, how can you hate who Oppa is dating when Oppas are dating each other?

Jinhyuk had even had a brief feature on their debut song, and though his name hadn’t been included in the albums some of UP10TIONS old fans were able to identify his voice almost immediately. Wooseok will admit to listening to Jinhyuk’s “hold up” many, many times on repeat some nights when he’s missing him, and watching Jinhyuk perform it with them during one of their company concerts was one of his guilty pleasures.

“You have too,” he whispers back, the world around them fading to a blur. He gets up on his tiptoes to kiss him, their lips almost touching when a hand grabs at his arm and yanks him away from Jinhyuk.

“No PDA!” Jungmo yells as he drags Wooseok away from his boyfriend, linking their arms together so tightly Wooseok can feel his fingers going numb. Jungmo skips them back over to their X1 and BY9 members to take a group selca, with Wooseok the designated selfie stick as always because none of the rest of them can be trusted to take a good picture.

Jinwoo ends up fighting Jungmo for possession of Wooseok’s free arm, with one of the pictures coming out with the two of them glaring fiercely at each other over Wooseok’s head. Wooseok thinks he’ll keep that one, for memories.

Eventually Dohyon is the one to pipe up amongst the chaos. “What are we eating for dinner? I’m starving!”

Dongyeol grins at him and ruffles his hair, glancing over at Wooseok with a knowing look in his eyes. “Why not we let the happy graduate choose tonight?”

“No! Xiao-hyung, he’s just gonna choose—“

“CHICKEN FEET!” Wooseok cheers, his eyes lighting up at the thought of the chewy, spicy goodness. Aside from him, Minhee is the only one that seems happy with his choice, the rest of them with matching looks of horror on their pretty faces.

Hwanhee opens his mouth to complain when Jinhyuk throws out another suggestion. “Why not we all head back to our place, we can order in all the food that everyone wants and have a little buffet, huh?”

Wooseok flushes despite himself; hearing Jinhyuk refer to the apartment as _theirs_ never fails to make his head spin. Though his boyfriend had insisted on calling the apartment theirs years ago, Wooseok never let himself truly accept it until the day he’d been able to put down half of the lease money along with Jinhyuk for real.

The young ones all cheer and Wooseok can’t help but join in, accepting Jinhyuk’s hand in his as they walk off the school campus towards their parked cars.

* * *

"Do you want to try again with your parents this year?" Jinhyuk whispers to him one morning in bed, a soft hand cupped over his cheek so gently it's almost as if he's worried he'll break. Jinhyuk's jaw is sprinkled with short, blunt stubble, rough beneath his fingertips as he traces them over his boyfriend's skin. 

There are a few more wrinkles on his face than there were five years ago when they met, the most prominent of them being the smile lines that frame his eyes and mouth from years upon years of those huge, beaming smiles that never cease to make Wooseok's heart flutter. _He's still beautiful_ , Wooseok thinks, _he always will be to me_. 

Wooseok buries his face in the crook of Jinhyuk's neck and inhales deeply, the minty, oceany smell that is so uniquely _him_ filling his nose. He loves this, he loves _him_. He shakes his head, a smile creeping onto his lips at the way Jinhyuk giggles from the feeling of Wooseok's hair tickling his neck. "No, it's okay, I don't need to ruin my Chuseok because of them."

His boyfriend frowns and pulls him back to look him seriously in the eye. "Baby, I know they're terrible but in the end they're still your parents, are you sure you don't want to spend at least a day of Chuseok with them?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure, I'd much rather just spend it with you," Wooseok mumbles, burrowing back into Jinhyuk's embrace. "We've never properly spent a Chuseok together before..."

In all the years they've been together, somehow they always end up in different places far far away from each other during the festival season, their schedules just never lining up. Last year when Wooseok had finally gotten a break from promoting with X1 and filming his drama, Jinhyuk had been on an overseas business trip with Sooil, leaving Wooseok to celebrate the holiday with Minhee and his family instead. 

He and Minhee have grown much closer since they'd debuted together in X1, the two of them sharing a lot more common interests than they'd originally known. In fact, Wooseok visits Minhee's family so much that they've started to feel more like one to him than his own ever had.

Jinhyuk presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, a large hand rubbing comforting circles over his bare back. "Okay baby, this year we'll definitely celebrate together."

Wooseok hums in response, his eyelids already starting to feel heavy again despite only just having woken up. Jinhyuk catches him mid yawn and shakes his head at him teasingly.

"Aren't you a sleepy little one this morning, huh?" Jinhyuk says as he manoeuvres them into a soft kiss, Wooseok far beyond caring about the fact that neither of them have brushed their teeth after so many years together. His mouth parts almost instinctively for Jinhyuk as the older man's tongue sweeps over his bottom lip, the deep kiss making his toes curl beneath their 850 thread count sheets.

The moan that escapes him only spurs Jinhyuk on, the older man flipping them over so that Wooseok is left trapped below his much larger body. Jinhyuk's weight on top of him feels _good_ , with just the right amount of pressure to make his heart thud hard against his ribs. Jinhyuk dives back down and starts to work at a spot on Wooseok's collarbone, the need to worry about eagle-eyed fans and their fussy stylists obsolete in the face of the weeklong Chuseok holiday X1 have been given. 

Wooseok digs his nails into Jinhyuk's shoulder blades as he moves down from the scattered mess of love bites along Wooseok's neck and chest, the older man moving down, down, down until--

"Oh _fuck_ ," Wooseok curses, tangling his fingers into Jinhyuk's hair as he works _magic_ with that devilish mouth of his. He can feel his abs starting to tighten but Jinhyuk isn't showing any signs of stopping anytime soon, continuing to lick and suck and squeeze at Wooseok's cock until Wooseok's mind is going blank. But it isn't until he hears the familiar pop of a bottle cap and a few cold fingers brushing at his entrance that his vision finally turns to white, the first prod of those long fingers he loves so dearly pushing him so violently off the edge he can feel sparks all the way down to his toes.

His brain feels like it's been turned to mush by the time Jinhyuk rejoins him up by the pillows, the smug smile on those _lips_ making Wooseok's cock give an interested twitch. "Unfair," he pants, his fingertips still numb and tingling from his orgasm. Jinhyuk gives him a quick peck on the lips and Wooseok can _feel_ him smiling into it.

"So do you want to meet my mum this Chuseok?" Jinhyuk suddenly pipes up, propping himself up on his elbow to stare down at Wooseok's still recovering form.

If Wooseok weren't busy trying to catch his breath and calm his heart rate he would have choked on his own saliva. And as he is, he instead just turns to look up at his boyfriend with wide, shocked eyes. "Your mum?" he whispers, not quite sure he'd heard him correctly through the hazy mush of his brain. "You want me to meet your mum?"

"Well, she's known about you for years and she's been asking to meet you but we've both been so busy I just never found the time to arrange anything," Jinhyuk shrugs, a soft look in his almond-shaped eyes as he looks at him. Wooseok loves that look, loves the _love_ he can see so prominently in them. "I figured Chuseok would be a perfect time for you two to meet, that is, if _you_ want to meet her." 

Wooseok rolls his eyes. "Of course I want to meet your family, Jinhyuk-ah, why wouldn't I?"

"I know some people don't like to meet their partners' families."

"There's probably another reason behind that."

"I haven't met your family either--"

"And that's because my family is full of judgemental, old fashioned bigots who threw out their only son because he didn't want to go to university straight after high school," Wooseok interrupts, reaching up to cup Jinhyuk's face in his hands with a pout. "I'd _love_ to meet your mum, Jinhyuk-ah."

Jinhyuk swallows hard, turning his face to press a kiss to the middle of Wooseok's palm. "Okay, I'll bring you to meet her this week."

He nods in reply and pushes himself up to nuzzle Jinhyuk's nose, kissing the tip of it with a featherlight touch. Then he pushes Jinhyuk onto his back so that he's the one looming over him now, the long strands on his fringe falling over his face. 

He should get a haircut soon, it's hard to give a good blowjob when there's hair poking at his eyes.

* * *

There's a heavy weight in his pocket as they pull up into the driveway of Jinhyuk's family home, the little square box digging into the side of his thigh and searing its shape into his flesh. The item inside isn't very large nor very heavy itself, but the meaning it carries and the feelings it holds... It's almost too heavy for Wooseok to bear.

Throughout the entirety of his trainee days at X1 Entertainment and his first year or so promoting as an idol, he'd been living on Jinhyuk's monthly allowances and other gifts of clothes and shoes and phones. Hell, he'd only just started making enough money to put down his half of the lease on Jinhyuk's ridiculously expensive Gangnam penthouse this past year and a half.

Some of Jinhyuk's old fansites who'd happened to be in attendance at the press conference he'd held to confess his love to him 5 years ago had managed to capture photos of the thin silver ring he'd worn on his pinky that day, the images of the ring along with the tears shining in Jinhyuk's eyes still circling the internet to this day.

That'd been a cheap little novelty Wooseok had picked up from Hongdae one night out with his friends, with Gyujin and Hwanhee egging him on when he'd hesitated on buying the matching pair. A couple ring, they'd called it, their grins spread from ear to ear as he handed over his money and pocketed the little paper package the shop vendor had handed him.

But this? This is so, _so_ much more than that.

"We're here~" Jinhyuk sings as he unlocks the car doors and hops out, rushing to the back to grab their bags out of the trunk before Wooseok can even get out of the car. By the time he's calmed himself down and forced his face into a mask of nonchalance to hide the complete meltdown he's experiencing inside, Jinhyuk already has both of their bags moved to the front door.

Wooseok gets out just in time to witness the flurry of motion that is Jinhyuk's mother slam into his boyfriend, the woman a small, tiny little thing despite the giant of a son she's currently squeezing to death. He has only a moment's warning before she charges at him instead, the force of her knocking him back a few steps as he catches the entirety of her weight.

"Hello! You must be Wooseok-ssi!" she exclaims as she hops back down to the ground, taking Wooseok's hands in hers as she beams up at him. His breath catches in his throat as he finally takes in her face, a near identical copy to her son's, right down to those beautiful almond-shaped eyes he loves so much and the thin lips curved upwards in a smile he knows far too well.

He bows deeply to her and nods. "Yes, I'm Kim Wooseok, Eomeonim."

Jinhyuk's mother squeals and pulls him down for another hug, the comforting smell of chillis and spices clinging to her skin; she must have been cooking right before they arrived. "Oh my, you're so handsome, how did my son managed to snatch a catch like yourself?" 

"Eomma..." Jinhyuk whines as he shuffles over to lean his chin over his mother's shoulder, his eyes full of affection and humour despite the pout on his lips. "At least have the decency to talk smack about me behind my back."

His mother turns to smack him lightly on the chest with a dish rag. "You're away for a few years and now you're talking back to your poor old mother, oh my heart..." she exclaims with a hand on her forehead, swooning ever so slightly for dramatic effect. Jinhyuk plays along and catches her as she pretend-faints, fanning her face with a loud laugh that has Wooseok breaking out into a fit of giggles as well.

 _This is what a family should look like_ , Wooseok thinks, wondering just when he'll be able to call himself a part of it.

The box in his pocket feels like it's on fire, he wants to do it now, he can't hold himself back any longer. He reaches for his pocket and encloses the little velvet box in his fist, he can do this he can do this he can--

"Come on boys, I have a feast prepared inside for everyone!" Jinhyuk's mother says as she clamps a hand around his wrist and forcibly pulls him inside, leaving Jinhyuk alone to carry in their luggage, except?

The moment he steps into the house he's suddenly drowned in darkness, a blindfold covering his eyes. His only anchor to the world is Jinhyuk's mother's hand, now clutching his own in a comfortingly tight grip.

"What's happening?" he asks her, reaching up to remove the cloth covering his eyes before another hand smacks it down.

"Don't touch!" Jinhyuk's mother says, the hidden emotion behind her words making him pause. He's guided through the house by her soft hand, the warmth of her touch the only thing he trusts to not let him crash into anything breakable.

It isn't even another minute before the blindfold is removed, the sight before him snatching the very air from his lungs. 

The sunlight trickling in through the glass roof of the greenhouse he's standing in is breathtaking, kissing at his cheeks and casting his skin in gold. The plants sprouting around him are bright and green and healthy, their leaves shiny and full of life despite the rapidly cooling temperatures beyond the glass walls. 

Between the foliage and pots of soil scattered almost haphazardly around the greenhouse are splashes of pink and red, the blossoms in full bloom and facing up towards the sun with arms wide open. There are rainbows bouncing off of the white tiled floor, and Wooseok sees the source of them almost immediately as he looks up towards the ceiling, the tiny glass gems hanging from it glimmering brighter than the most precious of diamonds. 

There's a slowly flowing water fountain to his right, the splashes forming a mist that catches a rainbow in its foggy grasp, the colours held suspended in mid air in a way that has Wooseok's lungs tightening.

Then, in the very centre of it all...

"Kim Wooseok," Jinhyuk has one knee on the ground, a black velvet ring box held in his hands as he stares up at Wooseok with those eyes, those _eyes_. Wooseok can't move, can't _breathe_. "I met you when I was 29 and I'm here before you at 35, you've become so much of my life through these past 6 years and I could never have become the person I am today without you." 

Jinhyuk opens the box to reveal a glittering silver ring with tiny diamonds embedded along the centre in a thin band, the beauty of it making his very heart stop for a single breath. "So it's today that I ask you, Kim Wooseok, the light and love of my life, the breath in my lungs, the sun of my sky, the fire of my hearth, the only person I'll ever want to come home to at night..."

Wooseok's feet are carrying him to the beautiful man he's had the honour to call his love before his brain even registers he's moving, Jinhyuk taking his hand in his and pressing a kiss to his knuckles like he always has. His heart is beating so hard behind his ribs that it feels like he's floating, his limbs weightless and tingling.

"Kim Wooseok, will you marry me?"

The world around starts to spin, the ring he's carried all the way from Seoul in his own pocket burning like fire. The plants and flowers and rainbows all fade away; there's just him and Jinhyuk here in this little space to call their own. 

Ever since he met Jinhyuk he's felt like he's been swept up in a hurricane, spinning him round and round and round without even a second's pause. He's met so many new people, made so many new friends, learnt so many new things. 

He's eaten ramyeon at midnight by the Han River, he's kissed someone he _loves_ at the very peak of a ferris wheel, he's flown on a plane to a foreign country with his hand held the whole way through, he's graduated from university with a degree that _he_ chose...

He's loved so fiercely there are moments he feels like he can take on the very world with the force of it, he's been loved so dearly he never truly feels alone despite the long, hard nights alone in a dance studio miles away from him...

The ring in his pocket will have to wait, he's sure he'll find time to pop the question as well later on.

Because no matter where that hurricane had taken him, no matter how far from home he is...

He will always, _always_ come back to Lee Jinhyuk. 

"Yes," Wooseok breathes, the ring fitting perfectly onto his ring finger. It's almost like it's always belonged there, it just hadn't come around yet. “Yes I'll marry you, Lee Jinhyuk."

And then he's spinning, with Jinhyuk's arms around him, holding him so preciously he feels like he might cry. Maybe he is already, he doesn't know. Jinhyuk cradles his face in his hands and the tears in his fiancé's eyes look far more precious than the diamonds on his finger. He loves him, his heart _beats_ for him.

"I love you," Jinhyuk whispers to him, pressing their foreheads together and brushing the softest of kisses to his lips. "I love you so much, Kim Wooseok." 

It'd taken him a long time but he'd learnt to see Jinhyuk's love without needing to hear the words after all. He can see it in those eyes, _his_ eyes.

So he knows Jinhyuk's love, he knows it very well, so well it feels like he might burst at the seams with it.

"I love you too, Lee Jinhyuk."

Ah, and there are those tears after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And You Don't Think I'm That Young has finally finally come to an end! It's been such a long ride and honestly there are so many feels going through me rn I can't T_T I love this story and thank you all for the great support you've been throughout this fic I can't thank you all enough <3 This is honestly the first ever fic I've written to completion and it's really because of all the great friends I've made in this fandom (y'all know who you are <3). 
> 
> I hope you all have loved this fic as much as I have, I can't wait to start on my next journey with all of you!! 
> 
> THANK YOU ALL! 
> 
> Leave a kudo and some reviews if you like~ It'll inspire me for my next fic!
> 
> Follow me @chocochimkook on twitter for miscellaneous kpop rants??

**Author's Note:**

> Well well well, lookie here. I usually write for Seventeen but after watching PDX101 I just couldn't resist writing for my favourite ship (canon because he confessed on live national tv). There was a part in Boyness where Jinhyuk just drops it likes it's hot to the floor and honestly that inspired this whole thing because wow slay me pls. This fic is a little different to what I usually write and I'm trying out a more mature writing style and writing content so do give comments and tell me what I could do better!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Do leave some reviews and kudos if you like, it really encourages me to write more!
> 
> Leave your X1 or PDX101 bias below!


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